The 20 Most Cromulent Simpsons Episodes of All-Time: #5

My God, how I miss football. Football that comes on television on the weekends. Football where we actually know the teams. Football that can make a girl orgasm with a last second play.

Ok, maybe I got carried away but you know what I mean.

This AFL bullshit is not football. Repeat: not football. And I will never acknowledge it as such. Which is why this week’s (second) edition of 20 most cromulent had me nostalgic for the fall when all this baseball stuff is finally starting to wind down and we’re getting some really good matchups within conferences.

So as we wait it out, let’s go back to when the Simpsons was all about the football. And gambling. And buying spiffy new clothes.

And as always, three (three!) weeks away from “The Simpsons Movie.”

#6 “Lisa the Greek” Written by Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky Directed by Rich Moore Season 3, Episode 14 Originally aired January 23, 1992

20. Homer At The Bat 19. Hurricane Neddy 18. Homer Goes to College 17. Homer’s Enemy 16. The Cartridge Family 15. 22 Short Films About Springfield 14. Treehouse of Horror II 13. El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer 12. Mr. Plow 11. Kamp Krusty

10. Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk 9. Bart Sells His Soul 8. Homer the Heretic 7. Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington 6. The New Kid on the Block 5. Lisa the Greek 4. 3. 2. 1.

Episode Synopsis

Lisa, in an effort to connect more with Homer, starts watching football games. She soon starts to pick the correct winners for Homer to bet, and the family enjoy bliss. When Lisa suggest the two of them go hiking the Sunday after the Super Bowl and Homer declines the invitation, she realizes that “Daddy-Daughter Day” wasn’t about the two of them at all, and was about making the bets. When Homer is close to making amends, he ruins it by asking for the winner of the game. Lisa gives him a message in connect with the game: if the Washington Redskins win then she still loves him, if the Buffalo Bills win then she doesn’t. The Redskins win and the following Sunday Lisa and Homer go hiking up Mt. Springfield.

During that first Sunday of watching football together, Bart and Marge go shopping for clothes to bad (for Bart) results.

Why This Episode Is Particularly Cromulent

I know some people don’t like the episodes centered on Lisa because her self-righteous attitude shows up, but I tend to like them. The great thing about The Simpsons (or at least during seasons 1-8) was that at the end of the day they did the right thing (usually). We got the moral of the story. That is front and center here, as Homer at the ends does the right thing and continue “Daddy-Daughter Day” after the Super Bowl.

Notes and Observations

• I think most of you know the story by now, but if you don’t here it is: the writers correctly predicted the winner of the Super Bowl in 1992, going with the Washington Redskins. A year later when the show aired again, the Dallas Cowboys was redubbed in for the winner of the game. The show continued to do this for several years and Lisa always correctly picked the team that won the actual game.
• Some versions of the DVD and syndicated shows have the original prediction, some have the redubbed predictions.
• With that, during the scene where Lisa is talking about her predictions, her mouth doesn’t really match with the words ‘Washington,’ ‘Redskins,’ and ‘Buffalo.’
• There is a Duff Bowl during halftime, a parody of the Bud Bowl.
• “Smooth” Jimmy Apollo is based on Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder and Brent Gunsilman is based on Brent Musburger.
• Handle With Care, Troy McClure’s new sitcom is based on a ‘70’s show Switch.

Memorable Quotes

Lisa: Why isn’t Dad ever interested in anything I do?
Marge: Well, um, do you ever take an interest in anything does?
Lisa: No. … Well, we used to have burping contests, but I outgrew it.
Marge: Well, if you want to get closer to him,then maybe should bridge the gap. I do it all the time. I pretend I’m interested in looking at power
tools, going to those silly car-chase movies, and … some things I’ll tell you about when you’re older.

Smooth Jimmy Apollo: Well, folks, when you’re right 52% of the time, you’re wrong 48% of the time.
.
.
Homer: Why didn’t you say that before!

.

TV: So call me now! $5 for the first minute, $2 for each additional minute!
Homer dials number
Voice: You… have reached… the Coach’s… Hot-…
Homer: Line.
Voice: Line.
Homer: Yeah, lay it on me, Coach.
Voice: In the game… of… Mi… am… i…
Homer: Mm hm.
Voice: Versus Cin…
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: cin…
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: nat…
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: i…
Homer: Come on, come on, don’t you realize this is costing me money!

Bart: You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom? Because the people who wear them get beaten up.
Marge: Well, anyone who beats you up for wearing a shirt isn’t your friend.

Homer: You like ice cream, don’t you?
Lisa: Uh huh.
Homer: And don’t you like ice cream better when it’s covered with hot fudge? And mounds of whipped cream? getting carried away And chopped nuts? And, ooh, those crumbled-up cookie things they mash up? Mmm…crumbled-up cookie things…

Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it’s okay in the bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh… Somewhere in the back.

Lisa: Can I watch football with you again next Sunday?
Homer: Sure! You’ll find it gets rid of the unpleasant aftertaste of church.

Football player: This team is fired up. We came here to play!
Homer: Aw right! picks up the phone to place his bet
Lisa: scoffing He’ll lose.
Homer: What? Didn’t you hear what he said?
Lisa: Look at the fear in his eyes, listen to the quiver in his voice. He’s a little boy lost in a game of men.

Homer: You think we should bet against them?
Lisa: I’d bet my entire college fund on it.
Homer: You got it. on phone Moe, twenty-three dollars on New York!

Homer: Who do you like in the afternoon games?
Lisa: Well, I like the 49ers because they’re pure of heart, Seattle because they’ve got something to prove, and the Raiders because they always cheat.
[later]
Brent Gunsilman: And on an extreeeeeemely suspicious play, the Raiders win!

Homer: Lisa, you picked the winner every time. You must have some kind of special gift!
Lisa: Come on, Dad. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Houston’s failed to cover their last ten outings on away turf the week after scoring more than three touchdowns in a conference game.
Homer: Oh, my little girl says the cutest things.

Marge: Look at these prices! We could finally get rid of those termites for the cost of this meal!

Brent: It is the playoffs. It’s five below, and there’s one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string, and the team colors painted on his body!
Johnny: He doesn’t look too happy!
Brent: Heh heh. Well, maybe the paint has shut off his pores, and he’s slowly suffocating. Still, that is a real fan.

Ralph: … and when the doctor said I didn’t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Mrs. Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.

Marge: Homer, those were very thoughtful presents, but you have to tell me where you got the money from.
Homer: All right, Marge, I’ll tell you, but first you have to promise you will not get mad.
Marge: I promise I will get mad, because I always do when you make me promise I won’t.
Homer: All right, if you must know. Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You promised you wouldn’t get mad!

Homer: Aren’t parents supposed to encourage their kids whenever they show talent?
Marge: But gambling is illegal!
Homer: Oh, only in 48 states. Besides, it’s a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe! Heh heh heh.

Homer: What’s the problem? The kids are happy, you smell like Meryl Streep, and I got that foot massager I always wanted. Believe me, Marge, nothing bad could possibly come of this.

Lisa: You know, Dad, we’ve been watching a lot of TV lately. Maybe the Sunday after the Super Bowl we could hike up to the top of Mount Springfield. The fires in the tire yard really make for some beautiful sunsets!

Adult Lisa: My third husband bought me this. takes off her ring Gimme some chips for it!
Clerk: Are you sure, ma’am?
Adult Lisa: Don’t tell me what to do, sonny. I’ve been gambling since I was eight, and I’ve been hocking jewelry since I was twelve! Now gimme some chips!

Lisa: Look, Dad. I’ll tell you who’s going to win the Super Bowl if you want me to, but it’ll just validate my theory that you cared more about winning money than you did about me.
Homer: Okay.
Lisa: I think Washington is a mortal lock.
Homer: Washington! Woo Hoo!
Lisa: However…
Homer: However? What however? What do you mean however? However what?
Lisa: However, I may also be so clouded with rage that subconsciously, I want you to lose. In which case, I’d bet the farm on Buffalo.
Homer: Lisa, do me a favor complete this sentence: Daddy should bet all his money on…?
Lisa: I don’t know. If I still love you, Washington. If I don’t, Buffalo.

Homer: I had the greatest gift of all. A little girl who could pick football.

Brent Gunsilman: Well, sir, we’re two hours and 45 minutes into the pre-game show…

Brent: We’ve got ourselves a special guest, actor Troy McClure, whose new sitcom is premiering tonight, coincidentally enough, right after the game!
Troy: Thanks, Brent. My new show is called ‘Handle with Care.’ I play Jack Handle, a retired cop who shares an apartment with a retired criminal. We’re the original Odd Couple!
Brent: What made you want to do a situation comedy?
Troy: Well, I fell in love with the script, Brent. And my recent trouble with the IRS sealed the deal!

Man: Whatcha got riding on this game?
Homer: My daughter.
Man:whistles What a gambler!

Bart: You hate Dad is up by a touchdown.

Barney: Hey Homer, didn’t you say that if Duff Dry wins the Duff Bowl, your daughter loves you?
Homer: Not Duff Dry. Washington!
Barney: Okay, okay. They’re both great teams.

Rev. Lovejoy: surveys his congregation, one man and two old ladies
Well, I’m glad some people could resist the lures of the big game.
Man: Oh, my God! I forgot the game! rushes out

Brent Gunsilman: So, with three ticks left on the clock, it all comes down to this one play. If Washington scores here, happy fans will be looting and turning over cars in our nation’s capital tonight!

Bart: I guess you love Dad
Lisa: I suspected as much.

Homer: Money comes and money goes, but what I have with my daughter can go on for eight more years!

Summary

Gambling can bring people together.