The Most Cromulent Simpsons Episodes of All-Time: #14

Welcome to Thursday, bitches– the new home of T20MCSEoAT (God, even my acronyms are long-winded).

Anyway, yes indeed, we are a scant 13 weeks from the unspooling of “The Simpsons Movie”, and we are celebrating such things this week with, finally, a “Treehouse of Horror” episode.

Oh, now would probably be a good time to warn you that this is going to be the only ToH entry in the list (let the shit disturberry begin!).

Selecting a single ToH is not an easy task since most years have one outstanding segment, but very few have two (or the non-existant triple-play Holy Triumverate). Someday when we’re bored, we will eventually countdown the best ToH bits ever, and I would argue that this episode’s third segment is right at the top of that list.

On the whole, I estimate that this particular ToH has one segment that is 8 of the all-time greatest minutes of the show, one segment that is really outstanding and one pretty solid chunk in the middle.

Which is a way of saying it’s a very good episode. Putting it another way, some might say it’s the 14th-most-cromulent episode of all time. Now paw me!

#14 “Treehouse of Horror II“ Written by Atrocious Al Jean, Morbid Mike Reiss, Jittery Jeff Martin, Gasping George Meyer, Slithering Sam Simon, Spooky John Swartzwelder Directed by Jim Rondo Reardon Season 3, Episode 7 Originally aired October 31, 1991

20. Homer At The Bat 19. Hurricane Neddy 18. Homer Goes to College 17. Homer’s Enemy 16. The Cartridge Family 15. 22 Short Films About Springfield 14. Treehouse of Horror II 13. 12. 11.

10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Episode Synopsis

“The Simpsons Haloween Special II” brings us three candy-fueled nightmares from Lisa, Bart and Homer. Lisa dreams of a mokey paw that grants wishes (with disasterous results), Bart dreams of being omnipotent and Homer has a nightmare of Burns creating a lazy, mechanical Frankenhomer.

Why This Episode Is Particularly Cromulent

It’s an extremely fun-filled episode, and you can feel the show’s creative staff seize the potential of the ToH deceipt for years to come: fantasical situations without having to worry about continuity or consequences of actions. Anything goes, and it makes it a great show almost every year.

I find the self-referential bit about the Simpsons merchandising getting totally out of hand to be brilliant. They’re writing their own backlash. It’s scary to think that more than 15 years ago, the show was already peaking in its popularity.

“If I hear one more thing about the Simpsons, I swear I’m going to scream…At first they were cute and funny, but now they’re just annoying.”

Also memorable back in the day was the opening cemetary bit. It was 10 seconds to look forward to every single year at Halowe’en (or, in the later years after Fox got a baseball contract, “early November”).

Also notable this year was seeing the animators flex their wrist muscles. For example, showing Burns’ and Smithers’ distorted shapes viewed through glassware as they walk along the laboratory floor. Rawk.

Notes and Observations

• The final bit of grafting Burns’ head on Homer’s “shall we say ‘ample’ frame” is taken from The Thing With Two Heads which has one of the greatest movie taglines ever: “They transplanted a white bigot’s head on a soul brother’s body!“
• The episode originally ended with a Broadcast News parody, but when James L. Brooks (producer of the show and writer/director of the movie) didn’t even get it, well, they did a re-write.
• This was the first year for spooky credits, which started off as a fun idea, but it became a backbreaker every year, so they have now abandoned the names (as well as the tombstones). They’ve also abandoned the wraparound bits because of time.
• In the opening credits, there is a shout-out to It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown:

• This is the year they decided on making Kang & Kodos a running tradition. The design of Kang & Kodos was lifted off the cover of an old EC comic, and their names came from Star Trek episodes. Dan and Harry do the voices (Dan is Kodos, but sometimes they forget who is who).
• In Twilight Zone: The Movie, Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart) played a character who becomes trapped in a cartoon.

Memorable Quotes

Marge: Ahem. Hello, everyone. Before last year’s Hallowe’en show, I warned you not to let your children watch. But you did anyway. Well, this year’s episode is even worse. It’s scarier, more violent, and I think they snuck in some bad language, too. So please, tuck in your children and…Well, if you didn’t listen to me last time, you’re not going to now. Enjoy the show.

Homer: What a dump! Why would Princess Grace live in a place like this?
Lisa: Dad, that’s Monaco!

Vendor: Sir, I must strongly advise you: Do not purchase this. Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. I myself, was once president of Algeria.
Homer: Come on, pal, I don’t want to hear your life story. Paw me!

Homer: Come to think of it, the guy that sold me this thing did say the wishes would bring grave misfortune. I thought he was just being colorful.

Lisa: I wish for world peace.
Homer: Lisa, that was very selfish of you!

British ambassador: Eh, sorry about the Falklands, old boy.

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Argentine ambassador: Oh, forget it. We kind of knew they were yours.

Kang: People of earth! We come to you in the spirit of hostility and menace! Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!

Homer: I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich…on rye bread…with lettuce and mustard, and…*and*…I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?…Hey! Not bad. Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey’s a little dry…The turkey’s a little dry! Oh, foe and cursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?!

Kang: It seems the earthlings won.
Kodos: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Bart: Every day, same old cat. I’ll make it more interesting…Ah, there. That’s better.

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Marge: Much better. Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!

Bart: Quit riding the brake, Otto. Give it some gas, man!’

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Otto: Hey, this is fun, isn’t it? We’re gonna die, aren’t we?

Mrs. K: Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart’s answers on yesterday’s test. America was now discovered in 1942 by…”Some Guy”. And our country isn’t called America any more. It’s…”Bonerland”.

Vin Scully: The kick is up! It’s looking good! The ball is turning into a fat bald guy!…And it’s no good! And you know what we say every time something strange happens! It’s good that Bart did that! It’s very good!

Krusty: Well, we’re still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who… who WON’T LET ME STOP!!! Anyway, now let’s go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!

Burns: Behold! The greatest breakthrough in labour relations since the cat o’ nine tails!

Willie: I wouldn’t bury my turtle in that mud puddle!

Smithers: That’s Homer Simpson. He wasn’t exactly a model employee.
Burns: Well, who is a model…employee?
Smithers: Uh…Simpson will do just fine, sir.

Smithers: You hear that, sir?
Burns: No, I didn’t. Who is it? Frankenstein? The Booooger Man?
Smithers: It’s the man in the bag, sir. I think he’s alive.
Burns: Bad corpse! [whack!] Bad corpse! [whack!] Stop! [whack!] Scaring! [whack!] Smithers! [whack!]

Burns: Smithers, hand me that ice-cream scoop.
Smithers: Ice-cream scoop?!
Burns: Dammit, Smithers, this isn’t rocket science, it’s brain surgery!

Burns: Look at me! I’m Davey Crockett!
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Burns: It’s alive! Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad.
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Well, who’s mad now?!

Burns: It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet.

Smithers: You know what this means? He *is* alive!
Burns: Oh, you’re right, Smithers. I guess I owe you a Coke.

Burns: And as for you, you clinking, clattering cacophany of colligenous cogs and camshifts, take…that!
<he is crushed by the slowly-falling robot>
Every bone…shattered…organs…leaking vital fluids…slight headache…loss of appetite…Smithers, I’m going to die…

Summary

This episode was scary good (especially parts 1 & 3), and you know it.