Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, ch. 1-5

Just real quick: there are a number of people reading the series for the first time for the express purpose of participating in discussion here. For me, the best aspects of my first time reading each book were the twists and turns. So, let’s try to keep spoilers to a minimum and stick to discussing what we’ve “read” for each day, so that newbies can get the most out of their reading. If we need to move discussion that includes spoilers to another thread, I’ll look into that when/if we get there. Thanks!

Here we go, the book that started it all. The Boy Who Lived starts us off with a glimpse into the lives of the Dursley family. Dudley, a baby, is having a tantrum and Vernon heads off to work, noticing a cat that “gives him a stern look.” Heh. Basically, it’s just a very weird day for Vernon. A cat appears to be reading a map, grown men are wearing cloaks and there are reports of “showers of owls” on the news. The owls are not what they seem, Vernon.

Finally, we get our first encounter with Dumbledore. I have to say, I wish the chapter had started at this point, with Dumbledore’s arrival. There is a perfect scene in Chapter 2 to establish the unpleasantness of the Dursleys and McGonagall is soon to inform Dumbledore about the weird happenings all day long. Therefore, I think a much more dramatic start would’ve been Dumbledore’s sudden appearance on Privet Drive. But I digress….

The entrance of Dumbledore is just wonderful: “He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. This man’s name was Albus Dumbledore.” Of course it’s been broken at least twice. Dumbledore kicks ass and takes names, bitches.

Dumbledore sits down next to the cat that was previously reading a map and she changes back into Professor McGonagall. They have a nice bit of exposition about Voldemort’s downfall, Lily and James Potter’s deaths, how Dumbledore is the only wizard Voldemort ever feared and how little baby Harry Potter survived the attack, left with a lightning-bolt shaped scar on his forehead. You’d think McGonagall would already know what’s up, but if Dumbledore dispatched her to the Dursleys at the start of the day, she may not have heard. I’ll allow it. I’ll not be so judicious later in the series with exposition recaps I find annoying.

Anyway, Hagrid arrives with baby Harry, having borrowed Sirius Black’s flying motorbike. Dumbledore tells Hagrid and McGonagall that they’re leaving Harry with his relatives so that he grows up away from the limelight. I think this is a huge part in what makes Harry so great. The three adults say goodbye and they leave him on the doorstep. They do not ding-ding ditch, though I like the idea of Hagrid trying to run off into the night after ringing the doorbell.

The Vanishing Glass opens with a perfect scene to showcase the nastiness of the Dursleys. It is now 10 years later and Harry sleeps in a cupboard and gets ordered around to make breakfast by his Aunt Petunia. It’s Dudley’s 11^th birthday and he gets ready to throw a right little tantrum when he only has 37 presents, when he got 38 last year. Uh, I don’t think I’ve gotten 38 birthday presents in my entire life, pukestain.

This scene also gets my first real laugh. Rowling does have a good sense of humor and I love, “Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel – Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.” Hee, pigs are funny. Pigs dressed like people are even funnier. Just ask Suzanne Sugarbaker.

Due to the neighbor, Mrs. Figg, having broken her leg, she cannot babysit Harry and he gets to go along to the Zoo for Dudley’s birthday. He gets to eat Dudley’s leftover ice cream and it’s just so sad how delighted that makes Harry. In the Reptile House (which you could not pay me to go into, snakes are terrifying), a giant boa constrictor winks at Harry and communicates with him via nodding and pointing his tail. When Harry makes the glass on the cage vanish, he swears he hears the snake say, “Thankssss, amigo” on its way out.

We fade out on Harry, lying in bed in his cupboard, thinking about his parents’ death in a car crash and all the weird people on the street who wave or bow to him all the time.

The Letters from No One kicks off with Harry and Dudley’s finally diverging in their scholarly paths (you don’t know the half of it, Harry!) as Harry will go to public school in the fall and Dudley will start a private school, Smeltings. Apparently a giant walking stick is part of the Smeltings uniform and I now wish I had attended a school like that, just so I had stick to whack people with. Maybe I’ll just get one. Call it Bertha the Beatin’ Stick and start bringing it with me to class. That would certainly liven Patent Law right the hell up.

Harry is ordered to go get the mail and finds a letter addressed to H. Potter, Cupboard Under the Stairs (hee), “his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.” Awwww. Vernon makes a joke about checking for letter bombs. We could only be so lucky, Porky. When he sees Harry has a letter, he snatches it away and kicks both Harry and Dudley out of the kitchen. He and Petunia say they’ve sworn to stamp out that dangerous nonsense and while I understand their fear and bigotry about magic, I also feel like they’d be jumping for joy at sending Harry away for 10 months.

At the paranoia of the letter being addressed to Harry’s cupboard, the Dursleys give Harry the extra bedroom upstairs, which is SO GENEROUS of them. You know, having a fourth bedroom and getting your nephew out of the cupboard he’s slept in for 10 years and all. Nice. Also, the bedroom houses Dudley’s relics and my favorite is an air rifle with a bent barrel from when he sat on it. I am suddenly picturing Dudley like this. Harry laments “yesterday he’d have given anything to be up here. Today he’d rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.” Awwww.

This chapter has great visuals. Dudley’s tantrum when he can’t get his EXTRA bedroom back, Uncle Vernon wrestling Dudley to the ground for another letter that arrives for Harry, while Harry grabs Vernon around the neck (kind of like the troll!). 24 letters arriving rolled up inside two dozen eggs. Great stuff.

Finally, Vernon snaps and loads everyone up in the car. They drive around all day, randomly. “By nightfall, Dudley was howling. He’d never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he’d missed five television programs he’d wanted to see, and he’d never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.” Substitute “blowing up an alien” to “looking at porn” and I totally hear ya, Dudley.

In the morning, they have a breakfast of cold tinned tomatoes on toast. That sounds like the most disgusting thing I could have for breakfast, after pieces of shit. Seriously, ew. What is with the British and food? Also, we learn that Harry got a coat hanger and a pair of old socks for his birthday one year from the Dursleys. Why would they even bother to give him that stuff? I guess maybe that’s a better way to rub it in than giving him nothing, so congratulations Dursleys.

Vernon decides they are going to hide from the onslaught of letters by heading to a tiny shack on an island. “A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowboat bobbing in the iron-gray water below them.” He then said, “The bridge might get washed out and should a mysterious voice play a blackmail record and then little Indian statues start disappearing, don’t pay any attention.”

At night, huddled on the floor, Harry realizes his birthday is coming up at midnight. In the movie, I love the detail where he draws himself a birthday cake in the dirt floor. That is so sad and adorable. Just as the clock strikes midnight, there’s a great bang on the door! DUN DUN DUN!

In Keeper of the Keys, Hagrid arrives and we get a load of exposition about Harry’s parents and Voldemort’s reign of terror. It’s nice because it fits the confines of the story, Harry not knowing anything and all. I’ll allow it. I’m not going to summarize it all here; we get plenty of that in each book. I do like Hagrid’s passing comment, “Yeh look a lot like your dad, but yeh’ve got yer mom’s eyes.” The first of many.

Also, at Hagrid’s surprise and shock at how little Harry knows, Harry responds, “I know some things. I can, you know, do math and stuff.” Heh heh. That’s totally going to be my stock answer at work from now on.

Vernon insults Dumbledore and Hagrid goes ballistic, which is a nice running theme throughout the books. Hagrid’s loyalty to Dumbledore is a wonderful relationship. Hagrid tries to turn Dudley into a pig (hee, pigs are funny), but only succeeds in making him sprout a tail. That’ll do, Hagrid, that’ll do.

In the morning, Hagrid and Harry set off for Diagon Alley (also the chapter name) to buy Harry’s school supplies. Harry learns on the way about the wizarding money and that it is kept in Gringotts Bank, which is run by goblins. He also learns about the Ministry of Magic as the governing body of wizards and how the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, is always pestering Dumbledore with owls for advice.

After riding the tube, Harry and Hagrid “climb a broken-down escalator.” That’s the beauty of escalators. They can never break. They can only become stairs. Hee. Inside the Leaky Cauldron pub, everybody wants to shake Harry’s hand, it’s very sweet. He meets Professor Quirrell, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher from Hogwarts, and Hagrid tells Harry Quirrell spent a year in the Black Forest area and didn’t come back quite right. Hmmmmm, spooky. Those Grimm Fairy Tale creatures are not to be trifled with.

Harry and Hagrid take a trip to the bank and get some money for Harry, who appears to have a small fortune tucked away for him. That’s awfully sweet. If your parents are gonna get blowed up, it’s nice if they leave you some change. Also, Hagrid gets a special unnamed object out of vault #713 for Dumbledore. *cocks eyebrow*

Harry gets his robes and some books and Hagrid buys him a snowy owl for his birthday. Harry can’t “stop stammering his thanks.” Awwwww, a real birthday present. Hagrid also tells Harry about the four Hogwarts houses, saying “There’s not a single witch or wizard who went bad who wasn’t in Slytherin.” To which I say: boooooo, JK Rowling. I’ve got more to say about this, but it’s kind of spoilery, so I’ll wait for a later date. But my soapbox is at the ready.

We then get one of my favorite scenes: Harry’s wand purchase. Ollivander’s is the place for wands and Harry says, “For some reason, the back of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with some secret magic.” Spooky. Also, I don’t care who played him in the movie, I’ve always pictured Ollivander as Joel Grey, specifically when he guest-starred on Buffy.

Harry gets time number two where he is told he has his mother’s eyes. He also learns that his mother’s wand was willow and swishy, his father’s was mahogany and pliable and Voldemort’s was yew and powerful. There’s a whole essay to be written (and I’m sure somewhere someone has) about the characteristics of wands and what it says about the owners, but I will not write it here. Harry ends up with a supple, holly wand (my wand is holly with an ebony handle and a dragon heartstring core, in case anybody was wondering. I let the wand choose me, just like in the books). Harry also learns that the core of his wand is a phoenix feather. The bird that gave it gave only one other feather. And the wand it resides in………is Voldemort’s.

DUN DUN DUN! Well, the chapter actually ends with Harry getting his train ticket and being told the train leaves on August 31^st from Kings Cross, but that isn’t nearly as dramatic. Tune in tomorrow for chapters 6-11, same bat time, same bat channel. Also, my apologies that this isn’t fraught with adventure and humor. The first half of Sorcerer’s Stone is pretty exposition heavy. I’ll try to do better for you, fair readers.