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Ask Kige Ramsay! Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in Lingering Bursitis.
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31 comments

Folks, we are fortunate enough around here to have pulled off a significant coup, in getting Kige Ramsay to break his lucrative YouTube News and YouTube Sports contracts and join us here at DeadOn, in what promises to be some fun Q&A. Leave your questions for Kige in the comments, and every couple of days, you might get a steaming pile of answers to those deepest, darkest quandaries that have haunted your soul and plagued your psyche for as long as you care to remember.

Stack them up, and the fun begins in the morning. Enjoy!

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Telephone Fanfiction: Walker, Texas Ranger Monday, June 18, 2007

Posted by Suss-- in athleticsupporter, BowdenBowdenBowden, CDNMoose, Clare, Holly/Magnolia, Lady Andrea, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Lingering Bursitis, SA, suss, The Fan's Attic, Things too long to read, undergroundBTO, Yostal.
32 comments

walkerfanfic.jpg

So, remember that summer camp variant of the Telephone game where one person would tell the beginning of a story, then the next person would continue the story, and so on until the story devolved into the world’s longest poo joke? (Note: the “longest” describes the joke, not the poo. At least at my summer camp.”)

So we decided to play that game as much older children, with not only a wider vocabulary but an extremely more sophisticated gutter mind.

Surprisingly, the word “roundhouse” was used only three times. Twice by CDNMoose.

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DeadOn Goes To The Movies: Ocean’s Thirteen Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Posted by The Fan's Attic in athleticsupporter, CDNMoose, Lady Andrea, Lingering Bursitis, movies, new movie reviews, Posts that should have more humor, SML's website is higher ranked than The Fan's Attic, The Fan's Attic.
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13 comments

As the summer movie season rolls along, we here at DeadOn are committed to giving our readers critical, well-thought analysis (well, it’s analysis at least) because we don’t want you to waste your hard-earned money on bad movies, long lines and spending time with inordinate amounts of teenagers. That and we can’t get enough of seeing our own words in the blogosphere. We are bound and determined to be the eyes and ears for our readers…. Well, at least the eyes and ears for the 85 other writers on this website, who account for most of our readers.

The big movie this week is the latest installment of the Ocean’s… series, Ocean’s Thirteen starring a shit-ton of people who you probably have seen before. So, without further ado….

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DeadOn Goes To The Movies: Knocked Up Monday, June 4, 2007

Posted by The Fan's Attic in athleticsupporter, CDNMoose, comedy, goathair, Lingering Bursitis, new movie reviews, Posts that should have more humor, SML's website is higher ranked than The Fan's Attic, The Fan's Attic, Things I Wrote At My Real Job.
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7 comments

As the summer movie season rolls along, we here at DeadOn are committed to giving our readers critical, well-thought analysis because we don’t want you to waste your hard-earned money on bad movies, long lines and spending time with inordinate amounts of teenagers. That and we can’t get enough of seeing our own words in the blogosphere. We are bound and determined to be the eyes and ears for our readers…. Well, at least the eyes and ears for the 85 other writers on this website, who account for most of our readers.

The big movie this week the latest raunchy comedy from Judd Apatow, Knocked Up, starring Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen and a bunch of other people you’ve probably seen in other Apatow movies. So, without further ado…. (more…)

Table For Two? Better Make It One Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Posted by Suss-- in (You Didn't) Ask DeadOn, athleticsupporter, BowdenBowdenBowden, CDNMoose, Clare, goathair, jerkwheat, JukeboxHero, Lady Andrea, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Lingering Bursitis, suss, svpimh, The Fan's Attic, undergroundBTO, Yostal.
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29 comments

Three day weekend? You better believe we all participated in some kind of cookout. Or, failing that, we at least ate some kind of food with our loved ones.

In one of the worst transitional nut grafs in (You Didn’t) Ask DeadOn’s brief history, we now bring you to this week’s question for the DeadOntourage:

What restaurant would cause you to break up with your significant other if they didn’t like eating there?

In actuality, no committed relationships were fractured in the making of this week’s installment. Any recent breakups are purely coincidental and we hold no responsibility for hearts broken.

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So Your Favorite Show Was Cancelled? Uncancel It Monday, May 21, 2007

Posted by Suss-- in athleticsupporter, Baba Oje, BowdenBowdenBowden, CDNMoose, Clare, gordonshumway, Holly/Magnolia, jerkwheat, JukeboxHero, Lady Andrea, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Lingering Bursitis, Precious Roy, Recently Cancelled TV shows, SA, suss, The Fan's Attic, tuffy, TV, undergroundBTO, Yostal.
37 comments

Time once again for the round table discussion that’s sweeping the nation — and until as our GED gets here in the mail, the floors at a Hardee’s near you — “(You Didn’t) Ask DeadOn.”

Most of our favorite TV shows have already gone through their season finale. And in some somber cases, series finale. Remember the last episode of Cheers? I was so sad when I saw it. Of course, I saw it on Nick at Nite years later, because the gravity of a sitcom set in a bar airing its final show didn’t really strike a 10-year-old the way it should.

In futile times like this, it’s best to pretend we have some kind of bureaucratic power over the television companies and give a slain show a chance. Which brings us to this week’s (You Didn’t) Ask DeadOn question:

“You can bring back one TV show from extinction for one more season. What do you pick?”

I hope I’m not ruining the suspense for anyone: Nobody said Caroline in the City. (more…)

EXCLUSIVE: Tucker Max writes for DeadOn Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in Holy crap, I need to stop drinking so much, Lingering Bursitis.
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23 comments

Here at DeadOn, we are fortunate enough to have exclusive stories from supposed writers. This is one such story.

Tucker Max

So dude, I was wasted, right? I had like 18 beers, 7 gallons of top-shelf gin administered intraveinously, some Mexican jumping beans, a smear of peyote, six-and-a-half flagons of table wine, and three roofies I mistook for percocet. Oh well, it’s still cool, right? I went out with my two insane buddies from the military, both of whom are jacked and think I’m hilarious. We all looked good — despite the sizable arsenal of alcohol and narcotics coursing through my bloodstream, my hair looked great and I had no puke on my pinstripe shirt. Rad!

So we go to this party, and it’s lame. Everyone there is infinitely lamer than we are. I called some chick fat using eleven-letter words, and everyone around me laughed and told me how funny I was. I wish I’d recorded the words coming out of my mouth, because by now I’d have a Pulitzer or at the very least, a Peabody. [I know they don’t give Peabodys to writers, but I bet they’d make an exception for me. Maybe even the Nobel Prize dudes would give me a call too. I’m that awesomely excellent. AND I have good hair. I swear this is all true.]

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I Want The Epitaph! You Can’t Handle The Epitaph! Monday, April 23, 2007

Posted by Suss-- in (You Didn't) Ask DeadOn, athleticsupporter, CDNMoose, Clare, goathair, Holly/Magnolia, jerkwheat, Lady Andrea, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Lingering Bursitis, Precious Roy, SA, suss, svpimh, undergroundBTO, Yostal.
57 comments

ydad.jpgYou’re on this website for one reason only. Well, okay, one of three reasons:

1. You are a Deadspin commenter.
2. You are a relative of a Deadspin commenter, and are horrified.
3. You are that guy who came into our Acrowars room last night and asked “WTF is Deadspin”

But either way, odds are you’re jonesin’ to ask us something. What’s the question, you may ask? Well, that’s up to you, the reader. No, wait. It’s up to me. It’s my goddamn coddamn feature. And that’s the beauty of our latest feature: (You Didn’t) Ask DeadOn. It’s about the self-indulgence that we believe you care what we say.

This week’s question:

Your tombstone epitaph is a movie quote. What does it say?

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I.O.W.T.M.E.A. Issue 3: Paint Your Wagon Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in albums, IOWTMEA, Lingering Bursitis, more indepth than probably need-be, music, the balls, YouTube.
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6 comments

IOWTMEA is not just a feature, it is an ethos. Over the course of my life so far, I’ve ingested a lot of music. I’ve written extensively about it. I’ve geeked out about it. It’s the epicenter of my life, and it’s done the job of nurse, camp counselor, confidante, lover, child, parent, brother, acquaintance and godknowswhatelseholyshitisitimportanttome. And with that has come a shadowy corner of my collection, a dark, shameful spot full of music that shouldn’t have grabbed me by the collar but did.

Welcome to IOWTMEA: I Own Way Too Many Embarrassing Albums.

In this issue: a movie remake of a Broadway musical brings good performances from some big-time movie stars? The soundtrack? A whole other story.

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I.O.W.T.M.E.A. Issue 2: Future2Future Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in I need to stop drinking so much, IOWTMEA, Lingering Bursitis.
5 comments

IOWTMEA is not just a feature, it is an ethos. Over the course of my life so far, I’ve ingested a lot of music. I’ve written extensively about it. I’ve geeked out about it. It’s the epicenter of my life, and it’s done the job of nurse, camp counselor, confidante, lover, child, parent, brother, acquaintance and godknowswhatelseholyshitisitimportanttome. And with that has come a shadowy corner of my collection, a dark, shameful spot full of music that shouldn’t have grabbed me by the collar but did.

Welcome to IOWTMEA: I Own Way Too Many Embarrassing Albums.

In this issue: a musical icon teams up with several other jazz legends for a modern jazz-fusion record, and the end result? Absolutely fucking shite.

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Oscar Week Special! Watching the Noms So You Don’t Have To: The Departed Thursday, February 22, 2007

Posted by cdnmoose in athleticsupporter, CDNMoose, goathair, Lingering Bursitis, liveblog, movies, Oscars, SA.
16 comments

Unlike most blogs that wouldn’t piss on you if your hair was on fire, here at DeadOn we care about our readers.
Departed - poster 2

We know that you don’t have the time, money or dating capacity to get out and watch all of this year’s Best Picture Oscar nominees. But you absolutely want to be able to impress your co-workers around the water cooler with your ruminations of what each movie has to say about the human condition, and you damn well want to win your Oscar office pool.

Therefore, as a service to our readers, some of our contributors are gathering every night this week at a renovated strip club now operating as a movie theatre (with very sticky floors) in Cary, North Carolina.

We are capturing their observations through a liveblog while they watch and annoy the patrons around them by talking incessantly throughout the movie and by kicking the chairs of the old people sitting in front of them.

Today’s movie is The Departed, as viewed by CDNMoose, goathair, AthleticSupporter, SA and Lingering Bursitis. (more…)

I.O.W.T.M.E.A. : Issue 1 Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in IOWTMEA, Lingering Bursitis, music, the scottish.
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6 comments

First, a shameless plug: for those interested parties, look out for my 5-part countdown of all things brilliant and Frank Zappa over on my other blog. Beginning friday, I will be looking closely at one of my idols, and putting together a tidy little primer of his music and why you should care. Now, on with regular business.

IOWTMEA is not just a feature, it is an ethos. Over the course of my life so far, I’ve ingested a lot of music. I’ve written extensively about it. I’ve geeked out about it. It’s the epicenter of my life, and it’s done the job of nurse, camp counselor, confidante, lover, child, parent, brother, acquaintance and godknowswhatelseholyshitisitimportanttome. And with that has come a shadowy corner of my collection, a dark, shameful spot full of music that shouldn’t have grabbed me by the collar but did.

Welcome to IOWTMEA: I Own Way Too Many Embarrassing Albums.

Up first: psychedelic rock from the motherland. (more…)

Music you can fuck to – A deeper look at NFL Primetime Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Posted by lingeringbursitis in Hot sex, I need to stop drinking so much, Lingering Bursitis, more indepth than probably need-be, music, Reasons why I am single, Synthesizers.
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18 comments

Jan Hammer can impregnate you with his mind

Despite the relative green-ness of our site so far, it’s never too early to bring some kind of fire. At my other blog, I get a lot of random, weird music sent to me, and this morning, I was given perhaps the best treasure chest of all. Whether it had something to do with the romance of the day or not is debatable, but I am certain that this is music for cunnilingus, fellatio, or impregnation. It will warm the cockles of anyone, from young to old, because frankly, its relentless pace and peaks are irresistible.

It’s some NFL Primetime music, instrumental-style. Anything you hear underneath the dulcet, subtle tones of Chris Berman [one might argue that if these tracks had his voice, the chances of sexual pleasure are greater, and I might well agree].

I’d love to think that these were not composed by some balding, sweaty man in a dank basement with a synthesizer and some electronic drums borrowed from Toto, but by some kind of supergroup, the kind of genre-bending assemblage that defies categorization [think: the shameful band of mercenaries that do the Monday Night Football intro song]. You can hear the energy dripping off the walls [or is that something else?], not to mention the arousing thought of your favorite franchise as it marches into the endzone.

However, each is subtlely different, and connotes wildy contrasting situations. As any football coach knows, calling the right play at the right time is important, and song choice is no different. Trying to get your loved one to try anal while listening to Limp Bizkit or Jimmy Buffett will almost certainly result in failure, and at DeadOn, failure does not exist.

So, let’s take a look at the NFL Primetime music in a whole new way. Come with me into the abyss, into a world that might change yours forever. (more…)