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American Idol Roundtable – Top 8 Performance Show Recap Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Posted by Jerkwheat in American Idol, Bloggers Gone Wild, Bring On The Rapture, DeadOn Round Table, DougOLis, I need to stop drinking so much, JB*, jerkwheat, matt_T, mouth parties, objectivity is overrated, reality TV, Things too long to read, TV.
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YAY! I managed to get a Roundtable up this week afterall! You have no idea the amount of amazing one-liners and zingers that just sit in my inbox when I lack the ability to get one of these things up in time. If you watched last night’s performance show, then you probably have an idea of where we’re going with this. Especially if you tuned in for the liveblog.  The steaming cowpie awaits you… (more…)

DeadOn’s 411 on 90210 – “Life’s A Drag” Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Posted by JB* in 90210, Hot chicks, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, teens, Television, The CW Will Put Anything On, Things That May Suspend Your Man License, Things too long to read, TV, You know how I know you're gay?.
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After a long, long time away (including, evidently, two episodes my DVR didn’t get), everyone’s favorite zip code is reopened for business in episode 17, “Life’s a Drag”.

This week, Naomi tries to snake her way into new guy Liam’s life, Silver gets carried away with looooooooove, and Hip Teacher Ryan finds himself in another awkward spot. Or so the previews would lead us to believe. Let’s see, shall we? (more…)

American Idol Roundtable – Top 13 Performance Show Recap Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Posted by Jerkwheat in American Idol, DeadOn Round Table, DougOLis, JB*, jerkwheat, matt_T, more indepth than probably need-be, Things too long to read, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV.
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Hello, all. I know that you’ve missed the roundtable with all of your hearts and souls, haven’t you? Did you join us for the impromptu live-blog last night? Of course not! Because we did it on a whim with no promotion! HUZZAH! Oh the quips and platitudes that you missed out on! Lucky for you, we’re back with the American Idol Roundtable this year and, like Idol itself, we’ve made some changes to the panel. We’d like to welcome long-time commenter and recent recapper DougOLis to the fold. HI DOUG! So, if you’re a masochist that likes things that go on too long (and since you watch Idol, you likely are) join us after the jump for the breakdown of the Top 13 Performance Show. (more…)

24 Day 7 Recap – 1:00 P.M. to 2:00 P.M. Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, DougOLis, Jack Bauer, kiefer sutherland, Things too long to read.
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The Following Takes Place Between 1:00 P.M. and 2:00 P.M.

01:00:00

Agent Moss confronts what looks to be his entire FBI office telling them that they need to find Tony and Jack so they can get back the CIP device because another terrorist attack is imminent.  He also tells them that Renee Walker was kidnapped by Tony and Jack.  Sean provides Moss with cleaned up audio of Emerson and Nichols’ recent phone conversation and says they are trying to run a trace on the phones.  Sean implies that she’s dead and there’s nothing they can do and Moss doesn’t take that real well. He gets in Sean’s face and he clearly isn’t giving up on her yet.

We see a bright blue rape van pulling into the construction site where Renee was shot, and that can only mean one thing! The necrophiliac convention is in town! Or Bill and Chloe are there to save the day. Either way.  Oh, guess it’s Bill and Chloe; maybe it could be both.  They dig a bit and find Renee’s lifeless body under the plastic Jack laid down.  Bill tears the plastic and starts performing CPR on Renee; he injects her with a shot of adrenaline but she doesn’t immediately pop up like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.  We wait a few seconds and she starts wheezing. Guess she survived.

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24 Day 7 Recap – 12:00 P.M. to 1:00 P.M. Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, DougOLis, Jack Bauer, kiefer sutherland, Things too long to read.
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The Following Takes Place Between 12:00 P.M. and 1:00 P.M.

Agent Moss briefs a FBI SWAT team on the situation at Prime Minister Matobo’s residence; he says Matobo should be locked in a safe room and he commands the men to use non-lethal force on Tony and his team.

Emerson beats up Matobo’s head of security trying to get him to open the safe room, but the head of security keeps reminding him that it can only be opened from the inside. (more…)

24 Day 7 Recap – 11:00 A.M. to 12:00 P.M. Monday, January 19, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, DougOLis, Jack Bauer, kiefer sutherland, the balls, Things too long to read.
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The Following Takes Place Between 11:00 A.M and 12:00 P.M.

Janeane Garofolo refers to Bill’s van as a “dark colored panel van.” I respectfully disagree – bright blue rape van is more my style. Edgar 2.0 can’t get the traffic cameras to load because Chloe is way smarter than him.  Moss thinks Jack and Tony have been planning the escape for a long time, but that makes no sense at all. Why would Jack lead them directly to Tony in the first place and then have Tony brought in? Moss is so the mole.  Renee is pissed and can’t believe she trusted Jack; she’s going to do whatever it takes to find him and Tony.  Janeane Garofolo identifies Tanner as the sniper from earlier and apparently he’s still alive and recovering in the hospital. 

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24 Day 7 Recap – 10:00 A.M. to 11:00 A.M. Sunday, January 18, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, DougOLis, Jack Bauer, kiefer sutherland, Since no one reads this on the weekend, the balls, Things too long to read.
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The Following Takes Place Between 10:00 A.M. and 11:00 A.M.

POTUS Taylor gets word that they’ve captured Tony but lost the CIP module and then receives the demands from Colonel Dubaku. He threatens to use the CIP module to take down American infrastructure systems unless Taylor withdraws all attack groups by this time tomorrow. He wants confirmation that Taylor has started to retreat the aircraft carriers within 3 hours.  All in all, it’s a well constructed threat in that it puts all of the blame and decision making on to Taylor with a preventable way of saving American lives (domestically and in Sangala), but Taylor will have none of it.  She wants the NSA to shore up the firewall and clearly still does not understand that that is a difficult task because they can’t rebuild the firewall in 3 hours. Taylor wants the FBI to work Almeida hard from the Africa side. What other side is there?

Jack, Renee, Moss, and Tony all arrive back at the FBI building via helicopter and Moss grills Renee for going in solo.  Renee tells him there is a leak in the FBI and Moss acts mostly surprised.  Jack carefully explains how they know there’s been a leak and Moss seems to believe him. Moss locks down security protocols and limits access to those with higher clearance.  Renee tells Jack there’s no one she trusts more than Moss and I am suspicious.  Janeane Garofolo prepares Tony for interrogation and Renee asks for her help in tightening security measures around the office.  Tony looks stone cold as he’s sitting in the room.  Edgar 2.0 is pissed that he no longer has clearance to do whatever he wants. (more…)

24 Day 7 Recap – 9:00 A.M. to 10:00 A.M. Sunday, January 18, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, DougOLis, Jack Bauer, kiefer sutherland, Since no one reads this on the weekend, the balls, Things too long to read.
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The Following Takes Place Between 9:00 A.M. and 10:00 A.M.

Air Traffic Control is monitoring GSA117 trying to determine why the lost control when they discover Tony is controlling the flight.  We get several shots of a little boy with his mom; we are not moved. Janeane Garofolo reports that NSA is trying to find the point of entry and Edgar 2.0 says they’ve never seen anything like this before.

Jack and Renee report back to Moss that Schecter was killed by a sniper and they’ve sealed off the building where the shot came from.  Moss asks Renee if she’s okay in a hushed caring tone and it’s all but assured that they’re doing it; to her credit though it does seem like Renee is the one wearing the pants in this relationship. Jack realizes that Tony probably has an informant in the FBI department because how else could they have a sniper in position so quickly. My money is still on Moss. Renee is quite defensive that she has good people; Jack and his Members Only jacket are given a timeout. (more…)

Events Occur in DeadOn Time: 24 Day 7 – 8:00 AM – 9:00 AM Thursday, January 15, 2009

Posted by DougOLis in 24, Jack Bauer, Things too long to read.
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It is I, DougOLis-long time commenter/first time contributor, who will guide you through another season of the most intense show on television, 24. These recaps should come in a more timely matter in the future, but for now this is what you get. 

A recap of where things stand following 24: Redemption – War broke out in the Southern Africa nation of Sangala when General Benjamin Juma overthrew democratically elected Prime Minister Motobo.  Jack happened to be hiding in Sangala with an old friend, Carl Benton, at a school founded by Benton at the time. When Juma’s Colonels started “recruiting” child soldiers, Benton and Jack transported the kids from the school to the American Embassy but not before Benton gave his life. In order to secure passage for the children into the embassy, Jack was forced to turn himself in to the State Department.

Meanwhile back in the United States, Allison Taylor was sworn in as the new President after defeating former President Noah Daniels.  On his way out President Daniels seemingly did no favors to the incoming President by providing General Juma with arms and condoning the coup.  President Taylor’s son Roger found out from a friend, Chris, that a few shady businessmen led by Jonas Hodges, Jon Voight, may have had some involvement in the providing of arms and coup after Chris discovered sketchy bank transactions.  Before Chris was able to provide Roger with tangible evidence, he was tortured and killed by Jonas Hodges’ men.

Now on to Day 7, the _th worst day in Jack Bauer’s life. As always, events occur in real time.

The Following Takes Place Between 8:00AM and 9:00AM

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30 Rock 3.07 – Señor Macho Solo Thursday, January 15, 2009

Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One, Things too long to read.
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Welcome back my friends to the show that thankfully has yet to end and keeps raking in gobs and gobs of entirely deserved awards. Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press, for getting it right. Alec Baldwin – Best Actor in a Television Series (Comedy or Musical). Tina Fey – Best Actress in a Television Series (Comedy or Musical). 30 Rock – Best Television Series (Comedy or Musical). Aww yeah.

Jenna is telling Liz about the new Janis Joplin biopic that Sheinhardt-Universal is producing, but Liz can’t hear her over her baby mania. There’s a kiddo over at Kenneth’s desk that she finds way more interesting than Jenna’s desire for an audition. She simply walks right past Jenna and starts talking. “Oh, what a cute little girl! Or boy, if you grow up and feel that that’s what’s inside you.” Mom’s either heard what Liz did to the hairdresser’s baby or merely senses the waves of crazy coming off of her and wheels the infant away. Jenna questions where Liz got the baby shoe in her hand. Liz: “It isn’t stealing if it fell on the ground!”

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Momma’s Boys: Episode 5 – The Irony of The Virgin Islands is Not Lost On Us Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Posted by JB* in I know the suspense is killing you, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, Momma's Boys, more indepth than probably need-be, nbc, Television, Things too long to read, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV, TV.
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After an episode in which JoJo’s mom Mrs.B took helicopter parenting to a whole new level, each Boy is off to the Virgin Islands with his Momma and his top three girls (well, save for JoJo, since his Momma said no girl was good enough – he only gets two).

This week, NBC’s Promo Guy has hinted Erica will tell of her sordid past, Mrs.B will call it hell, and every mother will tell her son he is making a terrible choice. How will the son’s respond? Learn – after the jump…
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Momma’s Boys: Episode 4 – Holidays and Ticket Agents Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Posted by JB* in F*ck, this has a lot of links!, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, maybe you should read a book instead, Momma's Boys, nbc, reality TV, Television, Things too long to read, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV, TV, TV shows.
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It is a train-wreck of a dating show, complete with stereotypes and oddball challenges. Sounds like it is right up my alley!

Join me after the jump for a review of Momma’s Boys, where three single guys – and their mothers – attempt to find them love, all while embarrassing themselves in front of the cameras. (more…)

30 Rock 3.05 – Reunion Monday, December 8, 2008

Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One, Things too long to read.
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Kenneth gives Liz her messages as she comes into work: The bike tour company in South Carolina says “No singles”, her credit card company wants to make sure she’s the one buying cream soda in bulk, her landlord says that the toilet isn’t faulty, and Gene from her high school reunion comittee wants to know if she’ll be coming. Kenneth urges her to go, and we get a flashback to his reunion featuring a comely lass named Taniqua. Tracey wants her to go, since you can get back at anyone who ever messed with you. Cut to Tracey yelling at some nuns from a school for deaf girls. Jenna would have gone to hers, but that boat sank.

Jack is up in his office for Kathy Geiss’s cover shoot for the quarterly report. Her Magna-Doodle proclaims “Kathy = CEO”. Maulik Pancholy does fantastic things with his screentime for the week when Jonathan tries to get Jack to open up to the idea of offing Geiss’s daughter. “Then we would have a secret that bound us together!” Kathy steps to the window and peers out, which Jack realizes means…Don Geiss is out of his coma! (more…)

One Hoe-down Thursday, May 29, 2008

Posted by JB* in JB*, maybe you should read a book instead, reality TV, The CW Will Put Anything On, The Farmer Wants a Wife, Things too long to read.
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What we learned last week:

  • Silly Farmer, kicking off my pick.
  • The Quasi-Alexis got a great date to visit the parents
  • The Religious Girls, who BadNails got pissy with, visited our Farmer in the middle of the night – stealing some poor guy’s truck in the process.
  • We know there is hoe-downing this week, so yes – the title had to be done.

Back on the Big Brown Couch this week is Mrs.JB*, whose pregnancy-ravaged hormones are leading to some very off-color remarks, and the SpazoDog. Join us after the jump…

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Hi Ho The Derry-o, The Farmer Makes a Bad Choice Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Posted by JB* in F*ck, this has a lot of links!, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, lame attempts at children's poetry, maybe you should read a book instead, reality TV, The CW Will Put Anything On, The Farmer Wants a Wife, Things too long to read, TV, unhealthy obsessions.
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When we last left our intrepid fish out of water –

  • The crazy WomanChild left, but didn’t go without a temper tantrum that should keep her from being picked up in bars for months.
  • The Religious Girls were hitting on everything in the bars
  • Krista with a K sat pretty, encouraging my case of her as a favorite… though saying the country was kind of boring won’t help her in the long run.
  • Stacey wouldn’t shut up.  Maybe she got a concussion when she hit her head… and the fun is underway as the girls start to backstab.

Solo on the Big Brown Couch – where I try to keep from taking up residence – away we go, after the jump.

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30 Rock 2.15: I Will Not Fail You, Rainbow Chicken Monday, May 12, 2008

Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, more indepth than probably need-be, nbc, Reasons why I am single, The Bad One, Things too long to read.
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Our exterior shot suggests Jack is entering the OEOB, but our interior says “old West Wing set”. He’s on the phone with Liz, who’s eating her Sabor de Soledad at the kitchenette. She recalls the simpler time when Jack was still at GE, rather than this strange and terrifying world of one week hence. Jack will be working in Homeland Security, working on Extreme Weather Preparedness (like…tornadoes that go BASE jumping?) and the War on the Poor. “You mean the War on Poverty?” suggests Liz. Jack: “Yeah, OK. Let’s go with that.” Liz confirms with him that he’s never coming back. Jack: “I’m sorry, Lemon, but there’s nothing left for me at GE. Sure, Geiss could come out of the coma and say, ‘Jackie boy [FORESHADOWING], you’re the next CEO,’ but that’s not likely. The cryogenicists are already sharpening their head-saws.” He mocks her for eating the off-brand Mexican Cheetos, but she counters that she found a prize in them last week. She hopes. Jack cuts her off; it’s time for his Freedom Search. The security guard pulls on his rubber gloves and puts a penlight between his teeth. Yikes, I wonder what happens to a guy like Rahim.

Tracy asks Liz for input on character design for his porn video game. The worlds are so clear in his head, but the translation hasn’t been smooth. He does have a working title, Gorgasm: The Legend of Dongslayer. Frank apologizes: He’ll call the Korean animators. Tracy: “Yeah! You fixulate this! Liz Lemon, do you know what it’s like to be the only one who cares about your job? When everyone around is goofing off like a bunch of goof-offs?” Liz tearfully acknowledges that she does. Seeing this outbreak of emotions, Tracy wonders if Liz is having her “woman times”. Not getting slapped is the first confirmation, but Liz tells him, “I just had my woman times last…oh boy.” Dun dun CREDITS! (more…)

The Nurse Takes a Cow (or, The Farmer Kicks One Out) Thursday, May 8, 2008

Posted by JB* in JB*, lame attempts at children's poetry, maybe you should read a book instead, reality TV, The CW Will Put Anything On, The Farmer Wants a Wife, Things too long to read.
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Hi-ho the derry-o, here’s what we know:

  • Strapping farmer lad Matt lives small country town life and wants a wife.
  • Said small country town is actually only twenty-nine miles from the St. Louis Arch – so not quite as remote as The CW wants us to believe.
  • Several of the vying females must either be very dull or not last long, because the first week focused on only half the group. The rest were background actors.
  • Josie, who may be a man, should not live anywhere there is not a doorman or where there may be minorities. She also thinks she is an eleven.
  • Christa earned the first personal date, Krista is this reviewers favorite, and Kanisha got to sit pretty by being scrappy and catching the most chickens. Yeah – I used scrappy to describe a non-white person. Sports journalists everywhere just died inside.

Mrs.JB* joins me on the Big Brown Couch again to make snarkastic comments and tell me all the things the commercials make her want to buy after the jump.
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Urban HIMYMs: “Rebound Bro” — Expectations Management Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Posted by Yostal in Gen X&Y, How I Met Your Mother, Television, The Bad One, Things too long to read, TV, TV shows, Urban HIMYMs, Yostal.
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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to my season’s worth of recaps for How I Met Your Mother. Welcome, once more, to Urban HIMYMs.

So here’s the deal:

It’s AP week, so even if I wanted to go more fully into the notions of this episode, I think I am forced to stick to the ten points agenda.  Which is good, it keeps me brief.

And away we go… (more…)

Hi-Ho The Derry-O Thursday, May 1, 2008

Posted by JB* in JB*, maybe you should read a book instead, more indepth than probably need-be, reality TV, Reasons why I was single, The CW Will Put Anything On, The Farmer Wants a Wife, Things too long to read.
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Ladies and gentlemen, I am JB* and I will be your guide for the next several weeks as we walk down the path towards what producers surely hope may lead to the CMT Reality Series, “My Big Redneck Wedding”. Joining me on the Big Brown Couch is Mrs.JB*, who will be adding scathing catty commentary along the way.

The premise of the show is your basic romantic comedy fare –
1. Allegedly hunky farmer (who looks like Christopher Titus with bigger ears) lives in small town (Portage Des Sioux, Missouri)
2. Titus wants to marry, but darn, there’s just no good catches here in this small town
3. Enter the fish out of water in the form of ten city girls on the farm
4. Oh, the hilarity ensues. Look at the princess get dirty! Hear her whine! See them kiss!
5. Profit!

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Urban HIMYMs: “The Goat” — A New Decade Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Posted by Yostal in Gen X&Y, How I Met Your Mother, Television, The Bad One, Things too long to read, TV, TV shows, Urban HIMYMs, Yostal.
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Urban HIMYMs logo

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to my season’s worth of recaps for How I Met Your Mother. Welcome, once more, to Urban HIMYMs.

So here’s the deal:

I’m going to stick with the ten things manner that we had last week.  Certainly, as a starting point for discussion.

And away we go… (more…)