30 Rock 3.10 – The Generalissimo Thursday, February 12, 2009Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One, TV.
Tags: 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One
We’re going to make an attempt at a new format this week. It normally takes me an hour and a half to get one of these recaps done, and (as my posting schedule indicates), I don’t have that kind of time anymore. I’m hoping to cut that in half by making the simple assumption that you’ve probably seen the episode already and are coming here for the funny quotes, so I can get away with posting only a brief recap for context purposes. Here we go.
Jack’s having trouble making inroads with Elisa’s grandmother because he bears a striking resemblance to the Generalissimo, an evil character on the abuelita‘s favorite telenovela, Los Amantes Clandestinos. Jack solves this the best way he knows how: By having Telemundo purchase the show so he can kill off the character. But the actor who plays the Generalissimo, Hector Morela, refuses to die. They strike a compromise: The Generalissimo will turn into every grandmother’s ideal man.
Meanwhile, a new guy moves into Liz’s building. Liz is smitten and unfortunately uses the Generalissimo’s storylines as inspirations for how to pursue Dr. Baird. And in a topical turn, Jack has hired a bunch of laid-off Wall Street finance frat boys to be their new interns while Tracy strives to keep up with their partying.
[New intern hands Liz her research]
Intern: You know it, lady broseph!
Jack: They’re former investment bankers who were all laid off in that economic crash that Nancy Pelosi caused. They have zero real-world skills, but god, they work hard.
Jack: Wasn’t that a treat? Only the special tours get to see Conan without his wig.
Intern: Have you ever drunk a yard of beer?
Tracy: A yard like a lawn? Yes I have.
Dr. Baird: Hi, I’m Drew. I’m sorry I smell like frosting, I just love to bake.
Liz: I want to go to there.
Elisa: I don’t think you should come to my cousin’s police academy graduation or my other cousin’s parole party. Boy, I hope those two don’t eventually have a showdown that pits family against justice.
Elisa: Jack, as a child my grandmother worked in a silver mine without proper ventilation. Now her mind is cushy like a hacky-sack. But, no matter what, she’s still my abuelita. Even though sometimes she comes at me with a knife because of a silver frenzy.
Tracy: Have you ever tasted scotch? It’s terrible! And this thing they call “box seats at the Rangers game”? It’s so cold! And what is Rohypnol?
Liz: Well, Buster’s probably dead. Do you wanna go to the wine bar around the corner, deal with these emotions, get some dinner?
Hector: This role has made me rich, famous, and respected. I get to cut the line at Disney Land, if I come mid-week. I have a lucrative endorsement deal with Sabor de Soledad. [Cut to ad] ¡Ahora con *más* semen de toro!
Hector: If you refuse to be reasonable, I must call the presidente of Telemundo! [Dials]
Jonathan: ¡La oficina de Jack Donaghy!
Jack: You should know I’m doing this for a woman. This woman.
Hector: Wow. I am super-gay and I would totally switch for her.
Jenna: [Nervously] Are you an actress?
Elisa: No, I’m a nurse.
Jenna: [Relieved] Good. Don’t listen to anyone who says you should become an actress.
Elisa: Oh, it was despicable. Even worse than his misuse of the mails. The Generalissimo tricked her to the villa by inviting her to a fancy party. But when she got there, it was just the two of them. He drugged her champagne and had his way with her. Later she gave birth to the devil. You know, sweeps week.
Liz: That’s what I could do to Drew!
Jenna: Drug him? Liz, no. Having been on both sides of that, I can tell you it’s not a good idea.
Liz: No, I’m going to tell Drew that I’m having a little “Welcome to the Building” party for him. But there is no party. And then, when he shows up, I’ll laugh and say, “Oh, it’s the wrong night!” And he’ll laugh and say, “Oh, well, one glass couldn’t hurt” and then I’ll put my mouth on his mouth!
Tracy: It’s like I said in not-hit comedy Cruise Boat, “I’m getting too old for this ship.”
Tracy: Do you know what happens to a comedian when he gets old and loses his audience? He starts getting offered serious roles, and do you really want to see me play Arthur Ashe?
Kenneth: No! That would be terrible. You leave him alone!
The Generalissimo: [Translated] Welcome. I look forward to your wonderful cooking. Later, I will fulfil my dream of making love to an older Puerto Rican woman. But first, let me compliment pictures of your grandchildren.
Concepcion: What are you going to do about the NBC News? It’s too sad.
Matt Lauer: And now, to lighten things up, some pictures of beautiful Latin babies and the music of Tito Puente.