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30 Rock 3.09 – Never Badmouth Synergy Thursday, January 29, 2009

Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One.
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Jack is in Liz’s office, telling her about his gig as keynote speaker at the GE Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward in Croton-on-Hudson (which is where real GE training is done). Liz recalls performing at corporate retreats during her improv days with Jenna. Jack is apprehensive; he hasn’t seen much of these people since Geiss went into his coma and Jack joined the Bush administration. We get a flashback to the chemical weapons from last season’s finale . Liz compares Jack’s situation to jitters over seeing your friends from camp again the next summer. She reluctantly agrees to go to the retreat with him.

Credits.

Jenna addresses the writers, reminding them about her upcoming Joplin/Joplinesque role. She will be going Method for the next few weeks, assuming the role of Janis/Janet full-time. “If anyone has anything to say to me, Jenna, now would be your last chance.” Frank: “Your hands are weird.” Twofer: “I don’t think you went to high school.” Cerie: “I’m not busy Friday, I just said I was.” Frank suggests that she do her research on Wikipedia, on the basis that people are finding out new stuff about Janis every day. Some just this very second, you might say. Frank immediately edits the page to note that Janis speedwalked everywhere and was afraid of toilets.

Dr. Spaceman! Back again! He’s giving Tracy the bad news that he’s headed for diabetes unless he makes some changes. Woo, callback to the first season! Spaceman warns Tracy that he could lose a foot, but if he replaced it with a wheel he’d have to register as a motor vehicle.

At the retreat, Jack’s giving himself a pep talk to psych himself up. It’s magnificent and will win Alec Baldwin some more hardware next awards season. “OK, buddy, here we go. Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth. Are you gonna step up? Oh, yeah. Because it’s winning time, you magnificent son of a bitch! You go in there and you show them. Make mommy proud of her big boy because he’s the best! Just do it. Is it in you. I’m lovin’ it!

Liz catches him at the end of the speech and encourages him to jump in and find his camp buddies. They enter the retreat and Jack quickly spots them: The Six Sigmas themselves. Teamwork, Insight, Brutality, Male Enhancement, Handshakefulness, and Play Hard. Jack steps up, cracks a joke, and suddenly it’s old times again and he’s headed off to go talk to the boys in War Machines. Liz, meanwhile, is left behind like the new kid at camp. She tries to make friends with Joan and Prashant, but she can’t get a handle on the Six Sigma jargon.

Tracy’s trying out his practice wheel while chowing down on candy. Kenneth is aghast and grabs the gummi bears. Tracy: “There’s no link between diabetes and diet, Ken. That’s a white myth, like Larry Bird and Colorado!” Even Twofer is no help, falling prey to the false diabetes information post-Civil War America used to keep the newly-freed slaves sluggish and docile. Tracy rolls off. Jennis approaches Kenneth to request the ingredients for her signature cocktail, “The Frank Schlong.”

Retreatsville. Jack is going to be having LUNCH with the Sigmas, LUNCH being an acronym for a Lego-building contest. Then they can go to CLASS, which is lunch.

Kenneth: “I’ve too many fokls back home die of diabetes and Go-Kart accidents to sit idly by while you ruin your health. You’ve got to eat better.” Tracy: “N. O. E. No. E.” He then tries to scare Tracy with a story about the Hill Witch, but not even Tracy is gullibel enough for that one.

Twofer congratulates Frank on his Wikiprankery. He looks into Jenna’s dressing room finding her swigging tequila and preparing to eat a live cat. Even Frank has a limit and steps in to stop her before she can take a bite out of Mittens. He admits that he’s responsible for all the Wikigarbage she’s been reading and believing. Jenna is pissed; this is her chance to win an Oscar. She goes turbo when she learns Janis wasn’t even handicapped, taking away half her appeal to the Academy. She lays into Frank. Frank just kind of stares at her and she calls him on it. Frank: “You’re yellin’ at me, you’re a mess, you’re Joplined out on tequila. It’s kinda workin’ for me.” Jenna’s disgusted that it’s turning him on. At the same time, Frank notes that if Jenna can get that raw in the movie, then the Oscar is hers. This turns her on. Frank attempts to swallow her face.

Legoland. Liz has tapped into her competitive side. “Don’t stop talking, Jack! Always. Be. Talking. Joan, hands in pockets. Prashant, your job is to watch Joan. Say something, Haircut!” Jack gives her the final directions to complete the choo choo, she pops the smokestack on and lets out a whoop and gives him a hug. “Suck it, nerds!” One of the Sigmas is not pleased with Liz’s familiar tone and nicknamification of Jack.

The next day at 30 Rock, Jenna is miffed that Frank wants to keep their hookup a secret. Even though that’s exactly what she wants. She’s pissed he doesn’t want to brag about it.

Liz comes up to Jack’s room the next morning bearing breakfast and cracking wise. The Sigma looks on disapprovingly. Jack invites her in to get her out of the hallway and to make a request that she act like an average corporate drone instead of like his friend. She doesn’t take this well.

Frank is bragging to Twofer, Lutz, and Girl Writer but about his GTA:IV prowess. She sees this and confronts him. Jenna: “How dare you be cool about this! Frank and I hooked up last night, OK?” Frank warns her that this is a mistake, and she agrees, but it’s a victory for hot women everywhere. She imperiously steps off.

Liz, at a table with Prashant and Joan, petulantly and turns down an offer from Mr. Donaghy of a seat at his table. The audio tech shows up to hook up Jack’s mic.

Jenna’s getting her hair done, telling her stylist about her hookup (Dog the Bounty Hunter is now only the second-grossest guy she’s been with) only to find her scalp burning more than usual. The stylist has a thing for Frank. She grabs a broom and runs out, her hair still foaming. The elderly cleaning lady also wants to know who’s been messing with Frank.

Tracy walks into his dressing room to find the lightswitch disconnected. Kenneth steps out from behind the door in Hill Witch costume, trying to frighten Tracy into eating his vegetables, a performance Tracy characterizes as “weak”. In storms Jenna, her hair fried to hell and her makeup running down her face. “LOOK AT ME! I’M A MONSTER!!!” Kenneth and Tracy are both terrified and begin cramming the vegetables into their faces.

Liz sits at the table as Prashant and Joan make out. Jack’s mic is open and you can hear the audio guy (it’s his first day!) tell Jack that he’s set to go. Backstage, Jack walks into the bathroom and starts up his personal pep talk into the mirror. Liz realizes what’s going on, but can’t get to him before he says his own name. She finally is able to tell him what’s going on and he collapses, sure he’ll never live this down. Liz has a plan. She grabs the mic.

Onstage, she attempts to get the audience to believe she was just doing her Jack Donaghy impression. She offers to do any other impression the audience wants, but shoots down the immediate “Jack Donaghy” request. She does a terrible Sling Blade, a terrible Mrs. Cunningham, and then asks a guy what the craziest thing he’s seen all weekend is. “Jack Donaghy on that mic” doesn’t last long, as Liz starts up some C&C Music Factory and rips open her shirt to gasps.

Back in New York, Jack praises her heroism. There’s taking one for the team, but that was taking a dozen at least. As a bonus, she’s even banned from any further retreats.

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