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Momma’s Boys: Episode 6 – Oedipus Finale Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Posted by JB* in Bloggers Gone Wild, guilty pleasures, I don't get out much, I know the suspense is killing you, JB*, Momma's Boys, nbc, reality TV, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV, TV, You know how I know you're gay?.
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Our show, which has sent many a psychoanalyist into a Freudian-tizzy about Oedipus complexes, is coming to a wrap with the Final Decisions. Will the Boys act like Men or will they give in to their mother’s wishes? And what stunt will Mrs. B pull out this time? Find out… after the jump.

The Dates
After a two minute recap of the previous five shows, JoJo gets the embarrassing treatment of the week. Since Mrs.B refused to pick either girl last week, she joins him for the Final Romantic Date, which is filled with shiver-inducing comments such as “I gave birth to you and I’m still close to you” and while para sailing “I gave birth to you and I know I need to cut the cord”, “This is romantic”, “My son is sexy, very handsome, nice pipes!” The producers show their hate for JoJo by having him recreate the date with Mindy with his mom. This feels so dirty at this that I need a drink. When they sit to talk, Mrs.B blames Mindy for not letting her in. This is coming from a woman who said the girl had Big Boobies. She informs JoJo to drop the whole topic when he reminds her of this. Crazy ass…

Elsewhere on the islands, Rob gets to know Lauren for the first time on television. He starts doing the popular dating dance, The Backpedal, as he opines to the camera that he has maybe been not letting himself really see Lauren since his mother has been pushing her so hard. Now that he is out with her on the island of St. Croix, he sees some of her good sides.

The side he probably likes the best comes out in a small pink two piece as the sit in a natural wave pool, tucked away in a corner of the island. Lauren basically tells him the same thing – his mom’s pushing has cockblocked her. As the words “My mom was right” come from his mouth, she begins to kiss him. Rob voice overs “I started to feel some things”… and we all know what that is.

On a private yacht, Erica and Michael tour in advance of their date. This is “pay-off time” for the six weeks, as this is the train wreck we’ve all been waiting for. They kiss, they hang in the wind, and Erica talks and talks and talks to the camera – not Michael – about her Penthouse secret. They row off in a dinghy to a secluded island where more kissing happens, just in swimsuits.

After a strategically placed commercial break, Erica comes to the deck of the boat with a somber face. She begins to come clean, confessing that she, too, has done some nude modeling. From the look on his face, I deduce Michael’s thoughts are “I knew there was something awesome about her!” As she continues “And not Playboy… I am the current Penthouse Pet of the Year”, a smile creeps on his face he cannot keep down. This look says “Well, I know my firehose will fit!” He makes a lot of faces and have sentences before becoming a bit agitated, including dropping an F-bomb. With the boat heading back to port, he soliloquies his amazement while Erica cries on the couch.

The Motherly Advice
Back on land, Erica goes to Michael’s mom, Lorraine, to confess her secret. Lorraine looks very distraught at first then she, too, cannot get a full sentence out. Finally, she says it makes no difference to the way she feels. Wait – seriously? The mom is cool with the porn star while the son is upset?

Rob and his mother get into a spirited debate as they disagree what the goal of the show was – and Esther doesn’t care anymore, the point is for her to get her way. She gives him permission to see Camilla as a friend, but never on weekends and never as a date, and he should do what is right. If this is your mother, dear reader, I feel for you.

Lorraine and Michael meet to discuss Erica’s bombshell, with Mommy telling him she is still in favor of her. Frankly, Lorraine is in a win-win. She loves Erica, but the “other” choice is a med student. Not a bad situation for him either.

Mrs.B once again voices her objections to Mindy since she is not a good girl. She’s a freaking kindergarten teacher! She cries some more since no one is good enough and she doesn’t want to let go yet.

The Decisions
Each boy will make his choice in the eyes of mom, a ship in the background, and about five million viewers. They then will go for a multiple day romantic vacation.

Rob kicks us off as he mentally rambles about Camilla’s body versus Lauren’s Jewishness (not in so many words). Though he looks like he is about to puke, he toasts to Camilla’s wonderfulness, before swerving with a simple “but I am asking Lauren to come with me.” Before Lauren can celebrate or Camilla complains, Mom swoops in herself for a hug. Camilla looks disappointed, and says she knows it was all Esther. Rob even voice overs it was about family. Esther closes – “Mommy knows best.” Apron Strings 1, Balls 0

Michael – who cannot lose – starts to pull his same crap about not being able to choose. He validates my point above by telling the camera that it is crazy his mom is saying “Choose the Pet of the Year over the med student.” Despite saying feelings of love to Erica, he chooses Amanda, who tells us their established relationship made the decision for him. I wonder if she feels differently now that she has seen it all. Erica cries a bit more, and as they board the ship, Michael and Amanda kiss. Apron trings 1, Balls 1

JoJo boasts of how amazing Mindy is while feeling conflicted over if she is good enough to upset his mother. Seriously, dude, you are an idiot – she is hot, sweet, and importantly, hot.

Side note: If anyone attends a school in the ECAC Hockey Conference (Northeast Division), please let us know what ways you will be using this show to taunt JoJo in future games. I know they are undefeated in conference play, but this guy deserves it.

JoJo puts together his most coherent thought of the show, saying he cannot cause this much pain for his mother, and it is not fair to do this to them. Before he can reject her, Mindy interrupts and FINALLY someone calls bullshit. She knows she will never be good enough for Mrs.B (earning a smirk), and while she has feelings for JoJo, his mom needs to loosen the reins on him so he can have a normal serious relationship. She is rejecting JoJo, yay!

JoJo looks like he may have pulled a nerve thinking too hard, but comes back with that if her feelings are that strong, he wants to try. Mindy asks if that is fine with his mother, and she replies “Yeah, sure, I have no say.” With JoJo’s words of please, she changes course. Damnit, Mindy! Damnit! You just earned our respect! I am going to call this a tie – he was clearly on the way to choosing mom.

Mrs.B stomps off, saying they’ll never go off to the boat, then once again handles the situation in a very mature manner by refusing to talk to anyone or tape her interview.

The Aftermath
With a epilogue, NBC lets us know:

  • Rob left the three day romantic vacation early – and alone.
  • The producers offered Mrs.B some counseling, but shock, she said no.
  • Erica has traveled to Florida… to visit Lorraine, who must have been serious about being friends forever.

Well – this has been fun. Racism, religious stereotyping, porn models, free wheeling sexual mores and skimpy swimsuits. Seriously – why didn’t more people watch?

And remember, if you feel that exposing yourself to the world as completely overly dependent on your mother is the way to meet your Soul Mate, NBC is looking for you on Season 2 of Momma’s Boys.

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