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30 Rock 3.07 – Señor Macho Solo Thursday, January 15, 2009

Posted by The Bad One in 30 rock, nbc, The Bad One, Things too long to read.
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Welcome back my friends to the show that thankfully has yet to end and keeps raking in gobs and gobs of entirely deserved awards. Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press, for getting it right. Alec Baldwin – Best Actor in a Television Series (Comedy or Musical). Tina Fey – Best Actress in a Television Series (Comedy or Musical). 30 Rock – Best Television Series (Comedy or Musical). Aww yeah.

Jenna is telling Liz about the new Janis Joplin biopic that Sheinhardt-Universal is producing, but Liz can’t hear her over her baby mania. There’s a kiddo over at Kenneth’s desk that she finds way more interesting than Jenna’s desire for an audition. She simply walks right past Jenna and starts talking. “Oh, what a cute little girl! Or boy, if you grow up and feel that that’s what’s inside you.” Mom’s either heard what Liz did to the hairdresser’s baby or merely senses the waves of crazy coming off of her and wheels the infant away. Jenna questions where Liz got the baby shoe in her hand. Liz: “It isn’t stealing if it fell on the ground!”

At Jack’s house, he’s giving his mother’s new nurse Elisa, aka Salma Hayek, the tour. “I think you’ll find being my mother’s nurse a mixed bag. If she’s in a foul mood, it can be horribly unpleasant. Other times, she is asleep.” Salma undertands that eldercare can be difficult. Colleen calls from offscreen for Jack to come dry her off, but Elisa lets him off the hook, shouting that Jack just left and giving him a wink.

Credits!

Tracy, clad in a jacket made of old-design fifties and hundreds, is in Jack’s office for an intervention. Jack thinks Tracy hasn’t been spending his money wisely. I don’t know, buying three hours of network primetime for a salute to Benny Hill starring Tracy is something I’d watch for at least 30 minutes. Tracy explains that he has to spend so much money. He’s worried that Angie will leave him if he ever has enough money for her to live on half of it. So he has to spend it on useless things, like gold shoes or Grizz and Dot Com. Jack, for some reason, is surprised that Tracy doesn’t have a pre-nup. He tells Tracy to bring Angie in to write up a post-nup. Tracy struggles to leave the office wearing his gold shoes.

Liz greets children in line outside Radio City Music Hall and then tousles the hair of a boy waiting to cross at the corner. However, the boy is Peter Dinklage, not an 8-year-old and now Liz has to think of a cover. She lies that she was trying to get his attention. “I like your tie.” Peter: “And I like aggressive women with a a nerdy vibe. How about we grab some coffee and explore this?” Trapped, she agrees.

Jenna, in character and full Janis Joplin costume, bursts into Jack’s office. “Howdy, Jack, it’s me, Janis Joplin! And I wanna audition for my Sheinhardt-Universal biopic so baaad that I came here dressed as me! Actually, I am me, so, well, I dressed normal. But my friend, Jenna Maroney, she should be my understudy…I mean, she should audition for me. But I’m me now, actually.” It’s like Jenna doing Holly Hunter doing Janis Joplin. Jack: “Ongoing train wreck aside, I love this idea, it’s great synergy.” They can promote TGS and the movie at the same time. He puts in a call.

Liz and the Station Agent emerge from the coffee shop with a pretty good rapport. He thinks her job is a lot more interesting than his, but Liz thinks that the languages, costumes, and the General Assembly hall are pretty neat. Liz: “It must be like working in the Galactic Senate in Star Wars.” Peter: “They are similar. We are also very concerned with the growing influence of the Sith Lords.” With a snap of his fingers, his UN car instantly arrives. As he’s getting in, he asks Liz on a date and she accepts. Jenna comes up behind her, asking about Peter. Liz confesses how they met, and her fears that she’s going to mess this up by saying something stupid (reasonable), like ordering a tall coffee or talking about her Nintendo Wii (Liz). Jenna tells her to take a cue from Janis Joplin and show some self-control. Liz asks and she confirms that she isn’t very far into the Janis biography she’s holding.

Tracy, wearing a jaunty chapeau made of money, and Angie sit in Jack’s office. Angie is going over the post-nup paperwork. If she signs it and Tracy runs off with Nikki Blonsky or any woman of equivalent thickness, Angie gets $8500. Angie: “[Uch.] What do I care? I’ll sign your stupid contract. Never gonna leave this man anyway.” Tracy: “You’re not?!” Angie, sweetly: “Baby! I’m gonna be with you to the very end. I’m gonna watch you die, Tracy Jordan.” Tracy, emotionally: “She’s done it before, Jack!” He rips the post-nup away and throws her down on Jack’s desk. Unsurprisingly, he chooses to leave.

He finds Liz in the hall, informing her that Jenna got the part and that he wants her to open the show with a song from the movie. Liz is miffed. Jack: “You can’t fight synergy, Lemon, it’s bigger than all of us.” He notes her dress and walks with her over to Kenneth’s desk, where her date is waiting. Kenneth: “So Stuart, what is it like living under a bridge?” She snaps at him for the perceived insensitivity, but Stuart walks her back from it. “Hey, Liz. I was just telling him about my new apartment in Williamsburg. Under the bridge.” Liz won’t be eating much at dinner, as her foot is quite the meal. Jack and Stuart playfully rib each other over the perceived ineptitude of the UN and corporate America. He introduces himself as a member of the UN High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint.

Jenna is in the writers’ room. Coincidentally, it is filled with writers (And Kenneth). She turns on Access Hollywood, where they’re making an announcement about a new Janis Joplin biopic…starring Julia Roberts and directed by Martin Scorcese, which they describe as a blow to a competing project starring Jenna Maroney and directed by Steven Speilberger.

Jack’s house. He’s shocked to learn that his mother is asleep. Frida Kahlo: “She fought me at first, but I find that authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people.” There’s a package on his table: Tracy’s gold shoes. He describes what happened and calls it ridiculous. Jack: “The idea of depending on one person for the rest of your life is ridiculous. You come in alone, you go out alone.” The Muse finds this sad, but Jack thinks he’s just prepared. Jack: “My exit involves a McFlurry machine and a videotape of risque commercials from overseas.” Serendipity: “I don’t know what to say to that. Except that in Puerto Rico, a McFlurry? It’s called a Señor Flurry.” Jack leaves for his date with a Fox News correspondent.

Liz and Stuart are out on the town. They walk up to an Indian food cart and he orders. Flames leap up under the pan and Liz pulls him back. “Careful, buddy, it’s hot!” It all snaps together for him. She confesses that she thought he was a child when they met. He should’ve listened to Kofi, who thought she was too good to be true. Liz manages to cram even more of that tasty foot into her mouth and he walks away.

Jack orders for his news bimbot: “The lady will be having the tasting menu, but with some substitutions. Instead of…any of it, she’ll have a cup of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a bowl of salted ice cubes.” He then heads for the men’s room. Zipping up at the urinal, he notices something’s not quite right. Shellshocked, he tells the towel attendant “I have something on my ball,” and puts the proffered mint in his mouth without either a.) washing his hands or b.) unwrapping it.

Elisa arrives for her shift only to find Jack has been up all night with a bottle of scotch. She asks him what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to tell her as it’s embarrassing. Salma: “More embarrassing than your CD collection? I didn’t know Michael Buble had so many albums!” She starts to pull on her latex glove, and when Jack attempts to escape the impromptu examination she unleashes a torrent of rapid, authoritative Spanish on him. To break the awkwardness, he asks her about her weekend plans. She’s going to Prospect Park for her niece’s quinceañera. Her diagnosis is that there’s something there and he should go to his doctor. Jack: “Thank you for telling me what I already know. You should work for the Huffington Post.” He shakes off her suggestion of friends and family to lean on. Elisa: “Oh, please. Don’t try to be Señor Macho Solo. Which is actually what we call a McRib sandwich.”

Jenna pedeconferences with Jack, asking what he’s doing about the competing Janis project. After a non-sequitur from Jack about soulmates and a stranger response from Jenna, he assures her that he’s working on securing the life rights and the music rights.

Liz calls Stuart to apologize. She explains what she’s been going through. Stuart: “Socially inept and baby crazy. I feel like I’m in a beer commercial.” She wants to give it a chance to grow into something, but “maybe” isn’t what he’s really looking for. Liz then rips a page from Miranda’s plot in the Sex & the City movie and asks him to think about it and meet her at the Brooklyn Bridge on Saturday if he wants to give it another try. Um, if I were her, I’d also pick a point on the bridge. It’s not the Brooklyn Precise Coordinate. She then asks to be transferred to the Italian ambassador’s office for prank phone call purposes.

Jack shows up in Prospect Park at the quinceañera with a smile for the Macarena-ing guests. Salma and her expansive cleavage (holy Moses) leave the dancers to welcome him. Jack: “I wanted to come thank you for all your help. I didn’t know what you were serving, so I bought a ’65 Moët and some pizza-blasted Pringles.” He apologizes for his rudeness the other day and tells her he’s waiting for his biopsy results. He looks around at the party, angling for an invite, and Frida takes pity on him. He’s handed an infant and a plate of food, then introduced to the family.

Jack arrives back at 30 Rock only to find Lemon looking for his advice, describing her SatC plan. Tracy, in a suit of armor and elf ears, notes that they do that a lot in movies: “An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.” He counsels her not to be alone. Jack: “Surround yourself with people and love and babies with pierced ears!” He explains his situation and his newfound love for Salma Hayek. He gets the call back from his doctor’s office and tries to get Liz to take it for him, but she refuses. Tracy takes it and becomes the anti-Michael Scott, telling them that the results were positive on the biopsy. Tracy: “No, no, no, no! I mean, positive like it’s good. The test results were negative! Oh, I see your confusion! That is funny!”

Kenneth is rapping to warm up the TGS crowd, performing “Top That” from the movie Teen Witch (1989). Their regular comic OD’d in a gay man’s apartment. Liz, inspired by Jack, has decided to go to the bridge. Jack is doubting his love more, but Liz encourages him. The show starts. PA guy: “Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Janet Jopler!” They don’t have the life rights yet. Or the music rights. So Jenna will be singing “Chunk of My Love.”

As the song plays, Liz walks the Brooklyn Bridge and taps a boy on the shoulder. Only this time it really is a kid. And Stuart is standing next to his mom. Yikes. Stuart: “Shut it down!”. Elisa is getting ready to leave when Jack comes home. Without a word he goes up and kisses her. Jenna/Janet: “You know you bought it if you buy it with thiiiiiings!“. What a moment.

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