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Momma’s Boys: Episode 5 – The Irony of The Virgin Islands is Not Lost On Us Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Posted by JB* in I know the suspense is killing you, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, Momma's Boys, more indepth than probably need-be, nbc, Television, Things too long to read, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV, TV.
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After an episode in which JoJo’s mom Mrs.B took helicopter parenting to a whole new level, each Boy is off to the Virgin Islands with his Momma and his top three girls (well, save for JoJo, since his Momma said no girl was good enough – he only gets two).

This week, NBC’s Promo Guy has hinted Erica will tell of her sordid past, Mrs.B will call it hell, and every mother will tell her son he is making a terrible choice. How will the son’s respond? Learn – after the jump…

Before they depart, Michael‘s mother Lorraine tells one of his choices, Playboy model Meghan that she just doesn’t like her attitude or the way she dresses with low cut tops, high cut leglines. The punk-streaked blonde looks appalled, saying it is not the only way she covers herself. Lorraine also drops the Playboy issue again, and Penthouse Pet of the Year and Softcore Porn Star Erica looks on with trepidation. with that look of fear, magically we woosh to the paradise of the islands.

The Dates
All the groups are off to Coral World to hang out in their sub-groups, to allow for true input.

We immediately see the mother’s influences, as Rob‘s mother Esther expresses her doubt to the camera that her boy will turn his back on his Jewish heritage, being the grandson of two sets of Holocaust survivors, and choose anyone but Lauren, the lone Jewish girl left. She is oblivious, apparently, to Rob making eyes at Camilla.

Mrs.B immediately asks JoJo to split off so they can talk without the girls. JoJo shows a smidge of backbone, saying “really, ma, now?”. When they are next cut to, JoJo’s Girls is hanging out with a turtle in a naturalistic setting, where JoJo is concerned about the turtle snapping a bit too close to Little JoJo. Mindy and Julie, the lone survivors of the slaughter, try to get comfortable, which is a bit difficult when Mrs.B announces Mindy’s “boobies” are too big, then goes on to use the word “boobies” three more times. Better that than a calculator girl

Team Michael, as Meghan dubs it, is hanging out with the sea lions. While mother Lorraine looks on disapprovingly of Meghan’s bossom in the bikini, as Michael tells the camera “Yeah, mom seems to think Erica is the girl, but I keep finding myself looking at Meghan.” Easy to tell why. Later, Team Michael goes speed sailing. Once again, Lorraine comments on outfits, making catty comments about Meghan’s baby doll dress on the boat, which kept flipping up in the wind. Despite his mother’s disdain, Michael chooses Meghan for a one-on-one date on the beach. They talk about his mother’s feelings towards her and the Playboy issue. Michael tells her he struggles with reconciling (my word, not his) the hotness of a girlfriend who was in Playboy with the fact that everyone else had seen his girlfriend in Playboy. Meghan’s rationalization is that everyone is born naked, people walk naked – she just gets paid for it. Back at the hotel, Lorraine tells Erica to step it up while Michael and Meghan spend smoochie time together. Later in the show, Michael and Amanda go scuba diving, including an underwater kiss. Apparently no one else gets their second date aired.

JoJo chooses kindergarten teacher Mindy for his beach date. Amazingly, there is a set of steel drummers approximately seven hundred twelve kilometers from anyone else on the island that they pass and learn to play. Sitting down for an oceanside picnic, Mindy has to get an issue off her (exceedingly large, per Mrs.B) chest. Mindy, with the comment fresh in her mind, point blanks asks if he will ever be able to defend or support someone he dates. Finally! Someone calls out JoJo! He answers that he wouldn’t do it right then in front of everyone, but he would talk to her. He is a wuss, and Mindy says as much to the camera, saying he isn’t quite able to cut the strings. As they discuss the issue a bit more, a swarm of mosquitos attacks them. To escape, the couple gets in the water and makes out for awhile. Of course they do.

This week, we actually get to see Rob’s date. He takes Camilla out about the island, where they seem to be clicking and enjoying the company quite well. They do some shopping, buying each other an outfit. All the while, Esther is voice overing her denial that they are just doing this as friends, since there is nothing romantic going on. Cut back to some ancient ruins, where Rob and Camilla kiss until “coming up for air”. They sit for a lunch poolside where Camilla plays the Mindy card – asking if Rob has ever told Mom his interest in her. Cut to last week in retrovision, where Rob tells his mother this and she just dismisses his thoughts. Rob then tells her of how wonderful the day was and presents her with a gift of earrings they saw earlier in the day, then they hot tub it for awhile. Back at the hotel, Esther rants that this date is taking too long – but it must be because Camilla is having to plead her case. When she arrives from the date, Esther is short with her and snipes that it is easy to shop when someone else pays for it. Catty!

The Moms
As is the case every week, the Moms show up at the son’s hotel rooms to help them get ready for the evening and provide last minute counseling.

Once again, Esther plays the Lauren/Jewish card. Rob thinly veils a comment asking mom about racism, since she is fine with Nikki who is not Jewish. Camilla, she tells him, is only a temporary girl for him, since she is not of them. She then closes out with a kiss, a love you, and the classic guilt move, “I know you’ll make the right decision.”

Over in Michael’s room, Lorraine pleads her case that Meghan is all wrong for him – provocative dressing, belching like a 300 pound truck driver, all wrong. She also plays a very wonderful guilt move saying “If you ever have trusted me in your life, trust me now – she is wrong for you” and follows with “Remember, this girl will be my daughter too.”

Mrs.B probably just cried that none were good enough for her JoJo again, as their conversation is not shown.

The Choices
All the girls, looking lovely and not too provocative, walk up on a white beach to meet Mom and Son. Lorraine informs everyone that this week, each Mom will pick one girl and each Son will pick one girl. The Mom’s choice will get the last romantic date, and the third girl will go home. Gee, I wonder who Esther will pick. And what does that mean for JoJo – does he have to eliminate some one with only two girls here? Guess we’ll find out soon.

Lorraine goes first, picking a girl who “tugs at her heart strings… a perfect match for me, my son, and my family.” Amanda smiles widely only to hear Lorraine say “Erica”. Buy wait – she has a secret! Cue clip of tear filled Penthouse spreads! Esther picks Lauren, obviously. When they get to Mrs.B, she immediately cries, saying she cannot pick anyone for her little boy.

Michael then takes a complete and total cheap cop-out, saying he cannot pick between Meghan and Amanda since he so enjoys both of their company. He then shifts the blame, saying since he cannot pick he will go with his Mom’s decision – good-bye, Meghan! He gives her a hug good-bye, but she misses a chance to slug him for it. What a complete pansy out.

Rob makes his selections by apologizing to Nikki, thinking there was no spark. It must have been weak, since we’ve barely seen her the whole series. He chooses Camilla, hugs her, and then ducks the daggers coming from his mother’s eyes.

When we get to JoJo, he narrates that whoever wins will go against his mom – and it will be hard to pick anyone over his mom. As explanation, Mindy is magical and Julie has every quality, but despite his mom’s objections, he has fallen for Mindy. Mrs.B actually cries more than Julie, then tells the camera she doesn’t know what the hell is wrong with her son.

Hugs go around, though half the girls should probably check for knife wounds in the back.

Next Week
Promo Guy once again promises us Erica’s devastating revelation (yeah, he lied about it last week, bastard), Esther gives her thirty year old son permission to hang out with Camilla, and Mrs.B may lynch JoJo. Should be fun!



1. Christine Padovani - Friday, January 23, 2009

Rob, you should have followed your heart, and I know that you want to grant your mother’s wishes, but she’s not the one that your going to date, get married to or have a family with, JoJo I’m glad that you went with your heart and not with your fear,

2. Christine Padovani - Friday, January 23, 2009

Mike, either way that you would have gone would have been right for you, I hope that you have a good life ahead of you, and guys I know how it feels to have your mom tell you how you live your life, but I found love and happiness, and even that my mom was not happy now I’m married and I have 4 beautiful healthy kids, good luck to all of you

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