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Momma’s Boys: Episode 4 – Holidays and Ticket Agents Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Posted by JB* in F*ck, this has a lot of links!, I Should Be Sleeping, JB*, maybe you should read a book instead, Momma's Boys, nbc, reality TV, Television, Things too long to read, THIS AIN'T REALITY TV, TV, TV shows.
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It is a train-wreck of a dating show, complete with stereotypes and oddball challenges. Sounds like it is right up my alley!

Join me after the jump for a review of Momma’s Boys, where three single guys – and their mothers – attempt to find them love, all while embarrassing themselves in front of the cameras.

First, a quick recap of the guys and their moms (from left to right):
JoJo Bojanowski (Mother: Khalood (normally called Mrs. B)
JoJo is the jock of the show, a college hockey player who mom swoons over. of course, HockeysFuture.com – the top spot for hockey prospect news – doesn’t list him at all – and he is three years past being draft eligible with nary a sniff or a free-agent singing. His stats from three seasons in the OPJHL don’t look bad, but they aren’t dominating either. Maybe he should go play in Europe for awhile. Oh, anyway, JoJo is looking for someone hot, but apparently not too hot – he eliminated Brittany Fuchs after learning she had done Playboy modeling, and none of the guys chose Stacey Fuson, Playboy’s Miss February 1999 , but that may have been more chemistry, since Meghan Allen, a Playboy CyberGirl of the Month, was retained. He doesn’t seem to have a front-runner now that Brittany was eliminated last week.

His mom Khalood, though, is the straw that stirs the drink. Originally from Iraq, her application DVD, which all the girls saw, included her talking more about what she did not want – no blacks, no Jews, no products of divorce, no Asians, no Muslims, no Indians, no girls with booty, nothing but another desire for a wholesome Christian thin white girl. She, of course, then clashed with several of the African-American contestants, including the classic “I am not racist” argument of “But I have several good black friends!”. She did not have an answer for Jojo when he asked if anyone would ever be good enough. Julie seems like she may be interested, and Misty says she has set her eyes on him, which should good and anger momma.

Sidenote – You are a twenty-one year old hockey player. Do you still answer to JoJo, or do you just assume that is going to get your ass beat on the ice?

Michael Sarysz (Mother: Lorraine)
He is a firefighter and according to Mrs.JB*, probably the hunkiest of the show. She reminds me of a slightly older, slightly harsher Mrs. Coach from Friday Night Lights (Connie Britton), which may we remind you returns in just two Fridays to NBC (and has been reviewed here by Jerkwheat). Probably a coincidence. Michael likes the lots-of-make-up, lots-of-cleaveage blondes, and is really into Michelle (who was revealed to have had like ten plastic surgeries, an open Playboy contract, and over $100k in debt). Mom wants him to find a wholesome girl, and seems to favor Erica as just that girl. Of course, Erica is the 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year, which Mom doesn’t know yet.

Robert Kluge (Mother: Esther)
The show has made them appear to be the stereotypical Jewish mother/son combo, right down to the mother pushing him towards a Jewish girl, Lauren, though also expressing interest in Amanda. For his part, Robert just seems into finding someone interesting, and seemed to be favoring Amanda – who seems to have an interest in both he and Michael. Rob’s highlight of the show so far has been nearly passing out and being rushed to the hospital after getting ill during a UFC-designed training exercise challenge.

The other finalists among the girls, not mentioned above:

They have gotten some screen time, but not enough to make us feel they are in contention. With that, the background is set, and let’s catch up on what happened this week.

The show opens with Matthew secretly meeting Meghan in the garden of the mansion to tell her of his interest in her, and to make out some. While he knows his mother has an issue with the whole Playboy thing he doesn’t care – especially with a hand on her ass as she walks away.

The Challenge
The next morning, a priest and a rabbi walk into a room of fifteen women. This week’s challenge is to create a fake scene of a family tradition – either a perfect Christmas morning or a Hanukkah party. Some nieces/nephews of the mom’s arrive to celebrate the “holiday” – which was probably taped in August – as the girls giggle and plan.

With The Flight of the Valkyries setting the score, the girls set off with the family of the guy they are most interested in. Camilla tries to learn about the dreidel and other traditions in an effort to appeal to Rob. His mother and Lauren look on disapprovingly, as Lauren opines that while it is nice to see someone learn about the Jewish faith, she IS the only Jewish girl here. Meanwhile, in the Michael room, he and Penthouse Pet of the Year Erica seem to have a spark going, with his niece and mother liking her as well. Momma Lorraine says she would be excited to have Erica as a daughter-in-law, followed by what may be the same clip for the four hundredth time that this secret is tearing her apart. Meanwhile, Mrs. B is expressing her disagreement to the camera over Misty verbalizing her interet in JoJo. When Misty hangs mistletoe, Mrs. B forbids JoJo from even walking through that door. This is a healthy relationship.

Back at the Christmas morning, Michelle and Meghan talk to Michael, flirtatiously. As they try to talk to his mother, she walks off to talk to Amanda, then ensures she gets face time with her son. Instead, Michael chooses to discuss with the priest his conflict over his wants (blonde, boobs) versus his mothers (family, non-blonde). The priest advises him to make the choice that he finds compatability with – which comes in the form of Meghan in a slinky Santa outfit in the basement. Mrs. B once again tells the camera NO to Misty for her boy.

The Dates
After all that, Michael chooses Erica for a date out jet-skiing on the ocean, followed by a picnic on the beach. In a very unsmooth move, he then challenges her to wrestle, which leads to some kissing. That’s… normal, right?

JoJo texts Misty as his date selection. Mrs. B handles this interracial news in an incredibly mature manner, with her side of the conversation including the phrases “What the hell”, “Slut”, “whore”, “If you had any respect for me, you wouldn’t”, and “Your personality is [bleep], honest to God”. Misty didn’t help herself by saying she would turn JoJo from a Momma’s Boy to a Misty’s Boy, but it is a no-brainer who drove this fight.

JoJo’s choice was to go Rock Wall Climbing, which Misty does not do very well. Afterwards, they relax in a sexy-looking hot tub overlooking the ocean at a house I’ll never afford. Knowing her son is out with someone she does not approve of, Mrs. B demands the producers take her to see the date.

In a totally rational move, they put her in a helicopter to spy on the twosome. As the helicopter approaches the hot tub, she tells the camera she “would not be alone in making this demand, any mom would”. Uh-huh.

Misty and JoJo begin the smooching as a producer hands Mrs. B a telescreen attached to a camera on the scene. Her first visual is of the two in an intimate embrace. She responds by screaming, saying she will kill someone and punching the helicopter window. In the background, the pilot shouts “Hey!” – the lone moment to make Mrs.JB* laugh. After commercials, she curses some more, threatens to castrate her son, and asks if she can jump out of the helicopter after him. Instead, she returns to the heli-pad and cries.

Poor Rob doesn’t even get his date on the air.

The Fallout
Mrs. B returns from the date to vent with two girls she feels comfortable with – ironically, Maisha and Camilla – and she realizes she may have been a bit… wrong in her approach. When Misty return, she and Mrs. B talk, explaining their positions. Misty flat out tells Mrs. B no one will ever be good enough for JoJo for her taste, which Mrs. B doesn’t think is a big deal.

The moms help the sons get dressed for the Elimination Event, giving their opinions (once again). Lorraine doesn’t like the blondes still, Esther is not going to push (but pushes for) Lauren, and Mrs. B wants JoJo to know how much she is hurt and what a terrible person he is.

Decision time. The guys, moms, and the chosen few are off to the Virgin Island for next week’s episode, and to show how serious the producers are about driving drama, Mom gets to give out one ticket and son gives out two.

The Kluges lead us off. In a shock to no one, Esther gives her ticket to Lauren. At this point, I will feel pretty awkward if I were Lauren, since Rob doesn’t say much to her but the mom is fawning. Rob’s first ticket goes to Camilla, as he felt “some connection”. Camilla gives the most awkward hug ever to Esther, who clearly does not like the pick.

For his second pick, Rob offers the ticket to Amanda, who is flattered…. but says no. Her explanation is that she will never move to New York City is weak but believable to Rob, but she says to the camera she felt more of a connection with Michael. Rob is disappoined but bounces back with an offer to Nikki – who we’ve barely seen this series.

Over to the Sarysz, where Michael leads off with an offer to Erica. Bold – I would have thought he would have forced his mom to do that, but Mom gives the ticket to Amanda instead, who this time accepts.

Then, in a dramatic moment move, Michael and mother approach a group of girls with his remaining ticket. He sings-and-dances about good times, tough choices, one ticket, before asking Meghan and Michelle to step forward. He tells his mom he knows these two bug her, but he would like Meghan to join them in the Virgin Islands. A good choice, in my opinion. As Michelle leaves, she voice-overs that it was all Lorraine’s fault. Well yeah, dear – the show is called Momma’s Boys.

Cut to the Bojanowskis, where JoJo asks for Misty first. Astride with smiles, she looks like she got kicked in the gut when he says he will not be inviting her since she does not respect his mother. Mrs. B smiles wide as she wraps the umbelical cord around him a few more times (metaphorically, of course). Now that he humiliated her, he gives his two tickets to Julie and Mindy. I don’t think I can tell them apart, actually.

This time, the Bojanowskis do the humiliation walk in front of all the girls without tickets. Mrs. B then takes it one step further and tears up her ticket because there is “no one here for her son.” That is a cold close to the show.

Next week – sexy time, “Paradise is Hell”, and one Pet’s Truth (maybe).



1. Jerkwheat - Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I refuse to believe this show actually exists and I think it’s a fictional construct that is being aided by NBC and yourself.

2. JB - Tuesday, January 6, 2009

They are taking applicants for Season Two right now, if you have a brother you’d like to torture.

3. JB - Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I also wish I had the imagination to think up this show. It would make finishing my book immensely easier.

But that raises a good question that may be suitable for a “You Didn’t Ask DeadOn”….

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