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House “Joy to the World” Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Posted by dylancaseyjohnson in dcjrecaps.
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housegrinchIt’s Christmas on “House” this week. You might expect House-Grinch/Scrooge jokes to abound. But more prominent topics of discussion this week include the Foreteen Affair (cite me if you steal it, please) and the Huddy Romance. As far as the medicine is concerned, a fat alcoholic, hallucinating, potentially suicidal high school choir girl started puking at the Christmas concert, some chick who came into the clinic is going to have a virgin birth, and a Ghost of Movies Past appears in the Huntington’s Drug Trial. Additionally, as you might guess by the title of the episode, Cuddy does some soul-searching.

Jump forth, to find out the answers to your burning questions these teasers induced.

Alternate Titles: The Fat Girl Who Stole Christmas Cookies, Potentially Tried to Kill Herself; Our Lady of Princeton-Plainsboro; No Way, That’s Freakin’ Kit!

In the opening, we learn that this week’s patient is a bullied overachieving, overweight girl named Mallory. In the middle of a practical joke her choirmates played on her, she starts puking all over the cotton/snow. Turns out her “friends” gave her some hallucinogenic mushrooms. Little known fact, courtesy of Dr. Robert Chase: trippy mushrooms can become sicky mushrooms if not dried correctly. I love the street drug warnings of this season, we’ve now covered the lesser known potential perils of cocaine and mushroom consumption.

Foreman’s and Thirteen’s relationship is strengthening, she’s leaving him appreciative, yet seductive Post-Its.

Taub and Kutner found the mushrooms in Bully’s locker and some painkillers in Mallory’s locker, so in addition to bad mushrooms, she could have OD’ed on some Vicodin.

This week’s wife’s notes: Cuddy’s bangs, what in the hell kind of mushrooms were her stylists taking? I can’t pay attention to her consoling fat girl because her hair is so, damned, awful.

Taub and Kutner go to see Wilson about an opened gift they saw in House’s office, which Wilson tells was a present from some fascinating beautiful patient but PSYCH! House just never opened Wilson’s present from last year. If you believe anything you hear in the beginning of a scene with Wilson from this season, you are clearly a fool.

More wife’s notes: Now Cuddy is wearing pink with red, is her love for House affecting her ability to coordinate her appearance? Taub half-jokingly, yet poignantly confronts House about the book and his love for Cuddy.

In the cafeteria, House steals Wilson’s ice cream sandwich, which Wilson uses to bring up the difficulty the holidays present for lonesome ol’ Ebenezer House. They share a semi-touching moment in which House realizes he needs to stop being such a jerk.

Ho-Ly shit, Kit from A League of Their Own is definitely Thirteen’s companion in Foreman’s experimental Huntington’s drug trial.

Taub updates House on Mallory’s situation, they now think she has tuberculosis. House tells Taub to start the standard treatment before attending to clinic duties that he doesn’t have, that spirit Wilson imbued him with really shining through. Judging by the callousness with which he informs an engaged woman of her illegitimate pregnancy, though, his heart is still at least one size too small.

After the commercial break, Cuddy is back and House is antagonizing her. Seriously, how formulaic can you get? I can’t believe in their unlikely, yet satisfying love if it appears like clockwork every twelve minutes.

Thirteen confronts Foreman about mistreating Kit from A League of Their Own, but instead of agreeing to invite Kit back to the trial, he makes a Ghost of Christmas Future reference to Thirteen. She doesn’t take kindly to his abrasive, yet seasonal allusion.

The whorish fiancee shows back up to get House to convince her cuckolded lover that she could have gotten pregnant from something other than vaginal intercourse. Requisite assholish jokes ensue.

Taub and Kutner take their shot at improving Mallory’s self-esteem/treating her, when she tells them that one of the bullies showed up to bring the homework to her. Kutner, the obviously bullied Indian orphan (Taub’s words, not mine) takes particular exception to the bully’s gall, but he professes a former friendship, and informs them that fat girl loves her some alchy.

After the break, the girl gives Cuddy a bad explanation in an attempt to disprove her alcoholism. No one’s believing.

In the clinic, House is treating a woman with asthma who is not satisfied with her doctor’s prescribed treatment of an aerosol inhaler. The trouble is, she uses her inhaler more like one of those cartoon perfume bottles where the pump is disconnected from the bottle. Cuddy shows up at the reception desk to ask House’s opinion on the patient’s refutation of alcoholism. He says to start her on withdrawal treatment under the guise of seizure treatment.

Foreman and the proctor of his study are discussing the results, when she reminds him that he must view the patients as numbers. So I guess he can still think depictively of Thirteen, since her name is a number.

House’s fiancee whore turns out to be the virgin Mary, a mother who had no sex, a true Housemas miracle. I rewound and listened to the explanation, it sounds somewhat plausible, but that’s probably just because House said it. Parthenogenesis or something, totally guessing on that spelling. What I really don’t get though: the chick admitted she banged someone else, yet her prospective husband is still cool with all this?

Interlude: “By the way, I wasn’t totally honest with you, I’m actually a millionaire;” “I don’t want this to end.” /Vomiting profusely

After the break, the good news is that her heart confirms that Mallory is not actually an alcoholic, also that she doesn’t hate the Whos. The bad news is that she has leukemia. House determines that the treatment will be too painful for Mallory’s remaining days; Wilson sees the act as kindness while Cuddy sees it as hopelessness.

Foreman goes to Kit’s home to try to get her back into the study, using a different drug. (Note: Kit is not her real pretend name, but that is what I will call her for the duration of her guest appearance.) She seemed to affirm, but just kind of shook all over the place. I guess Huntington was Parkinson’s brother.

Walking through the hospital to the tune of brisk, yet incisive banter, Cuddy learns that House faked the parthenogenesis, or virgin birth, in the Christmas spirit. During this sardonic, jocular discussion Cuddy’s brain is triggered to realize Mallory doesn’t have leukemia, she has eclampsyia, which occurs postpartem. Like, after having a baby. Now Cuddy can relate to her on yet another level, the level of unfulfilled motherly instincts.

After the break, Mallory’s parents are disbelieving of their daughter’s previous pregnancy. Cuddy’s and Mallory’s relativity via sorrow reaches an all-episode high, and we learn Simon, the bullying purveyor of hallucinogenics, also impregnated Mallory with a baby she left to die. Cuddy goes in search of the baby that Mallory left underneath a jacket, finding her in the care of some riff-raff, street rats if you will, and asks them to hand over the baby, who is in obvious need of medical care. Cuddy returns her to the arms of her doomed mother and the deadbeat father shows up, to view from the hallway.

Cameron makes her only appearance of the week to ask a troubled Kutner about the girl’s status (she’s dying, like for sure) before he leaves to go apologize to the guy he bullied in high school. The guy then crosses out his name on a list of “People to Kill” with red lipstick. Oh, wrong movie.

Cuddy is watching the now parentless baby in the natal ICU. House tells her Merry Christmas with a half-smile and leaves her to enjoy, presumably, Joy. Right now, it’s looking like they’re going to bang, but that changes with every scene they’re in together. What is certain is that Thirteen and Foreman are currently going at it underneath the mistletoe.  Good thing I spoiled that for you in these very recaps a few weeks ago, or you might have been unprepared for another poorly justified romantic relationship that appears more like a strategic plot function rather than a believable magnetism between two characters.

Next week’s preview was… OK, I wasn’t watching, but I’m sure there are plenty of places for you to view the completely misleading teaser.



1. Matt_T - Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What I really don’t get though: the chick admitted she banged someone else, yet her prospective husband is still cool with all this?

I don’t think she admitted to it. She was still saying she didn’t bang anyone else.

And this was such a cliched, contrived episode. Yay Cuddy got her baby. Yay 13 and Foreman are making out. yay yay yay.


2. Mary W - Monday, December 22, 2008

Who was the actor that played the bully, simon?

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