House “The Itch” Recap Tuesday, November 11, 2008Posted by dylancaseyjohnson in dcjrecaps.
Tags: House #5.07, House M.D., House Season Five Episode Seven, hugh laurie
Thank God that whole electing the president thing is over, I mean, between that and World Series confusion, I thought “House” would never get back to owning its rightful time slot. But alas, when American Idol comes back on Jan. 19, the whole of Fox’s broadcast schedule will be turned on its head, so mark your calendars accordingly. Also notable, “House” and star Hugh Laurie have been nominated for People’s Choice Awards. This week, more of the fine woman pictured above, albeit in a blonde I find slightly less appealing; Cuddy and House “need to talk” about making out last episode; and some crazy guy has to be treated in his apartment because he is petrified of the outside world.
Alternate Titles: From Bromance to Romance; Cameron Refuses to be Outhotted
Cameron has joined the differential diagnosis because she admitted the patient to the ER, which in combination with the presence of Thirteen means hotness is up. Cuddy shows up to talk to House about some take out menus she is holding. Or about the fact that they made out. When the team asks House what their conversation was all about, he sarcastically tells them that he and Cuddy banged, setting up the half-truth that the team will decipher before the episode is over. Foreman says something smart, then House sends the team to agoraphobic guy’s place where Cameron plays nice-nice through the door to get the nutcase to let them in.
Wilson is actually concerned when House jokes about having slept with Cuddy. The team calls from the guy’s House, Thirteen calls House out for having asked questions about Cameron’s relationship with Chase, but Cameron tells her it is easier to deal with House if you just give him the answers. Competitive hotness is on the rise and I like it.
House shows up at the guy’s place with random people, which makes the guy’s stomach hurt because, well, he’s afraid of everything in the world. Then the guy experiences extreme pain, and a commercial segue is supposed to leave us concerned, but no matter how hard I try I can’t be concerned, as it’s only 8:09.
House barges into the guy’s bedroom and tells him that he is full of shit. You know, in a medical sense. The guy tells House he would rather die in the comfort of his own home than live outside of it. House says that if he doesn’t mind floppy hair or annoying accents, he knows a surgeon who will operate in his house. What he meant was that he would knock the guy out and transport him to the hospital. Cameron objects, then is too easily convinced, because she is still in love with House. That’s purely speculation.
Just before they knock him out, the guy tells Cameron that she is a good person. No time for her to get all conflicted about what they are doing though, because he passes out and Kutner and Foreman rush the guy out of his house.
Wilson sits down with Cuddy to talk about kissing House. She tries to play it down, saying she doesn’t think about House that way. When Wilson simply asks her why it wouldn’t work, she gives a thorough explanation of why she wouldn’t date House, proving that she has thought about House in that way.
Cameron and Chase are pushing the patient through the hallway discussing House’s instigated argument about how they stay at Chase’s place every night. Cuddy stops the gerney and the surgery because the guy didn’t really give consent. Then she is way too easily convinced that what they just did is OK. She loves House too. So if you want hot, successful doctors to inexplicably fall in love with your disfigured, maniacally crazy ass, just be a complete and total jerk.
Cameron, idiot, wakes the guy up, because she feels bad about him not giving consent. He freaks out, starts pulling out tubes and stuff, there is spouting blood, then Chase runs in to save the day. A crisis like this can only mean one thing: commercial break.
In Cuddy’s office she chastises House, Cameron, and Chase about performing the surgery in the hospital and House does not argue. Cameron questions House’s lack of questioning, but House is still being coy about the make-out sesh. He sends Cameron to try to get back into the guy’s house and she makes a snide comment to Chase. House is going to break them up. That’s further speculation.
In the break room, Wilson again tries to broach the subject of House and Cuddy dating, but House is still not addressing what happened. Wilson says that he just wants House to be happy. Only one way this ends: Cameron-Cuddy-House threesome. That’s furthest speculation.
Cameron calls House to let him know the guy’s house has been made safe for operation but also that Chase does not want to participate in the surgery. House says it doesn’t matter because he can’t understand anything Chase says anyways, so House calls in Taub from the bullpen.
Chase shows up at the guy’s apartment with takeout for his girl and asks if they could stay at her place tonight, trying to quell the hostility. She tells him that she will not be leaving the house of the guy whose case she is not supposed to be handling, just as the guy notices his lower half becoming paralyzed and just as I notice this heightened tension in combination with a series of vigorous whip pans means its commercial time. And while we’re on that note, am I the only person whose commercials are at like twice the volume of the programs? I’m trying to pay attention to the plot intricacies and then, out of nowhere, Papa John is screaming at me about Italian Meats Trios. It’s startling and abrasive.
House is in his office on the phone with the team, still at the guy’s home; they know it’s not Whipples. Thirteen says ameloidosis. I’m pretty sure the writers have a joke that ameloidosis must make an appearance every episode as a faulty diagnosis. Either that, or they need a disease thesaurus. Foreman thinks its something I have never heard of and can’t spell, House wants to stuff the guy full of wheat to put him in enough pain to go to the hospital, but Cameron wants to do a blood test because she is so compassionate. This is the character benefit/flaw we are supposed to be getting from this episode, anyways. The consummate politician Foreman says they will perform both tests.
Wilson visits Cuddy to tell her that House had accused him of having feelings for her. It was just a lead-in for him to say that he actually has always harbored some feelings towards her. Her solution: dinner tomorrow night. Or even sex in front of House’s office! JK, JK. She knows Wilson’s sole motivation is to try to make House see that he wants to be with Cuddy.
Cameron and the guy have a heart to heart in his bedroom as he tries to eat. He tells her about his lost love who was shot, who is the cause of his agoraphobia.
House walks in on Taub and prods him about his marriage while also giving him instructions to stop the guy’s morphine, unbeknownst to Cameron, so that his pain is so bad that he must be admitted to the hospital.
Throughout the episode there has been a wound on House’s hand that he has been scratching. He blames this on a murderous mosquito that has been living in his apartment. House is trying to kill a bug that landed on a propane tank that he has in his living room for some reason, which he breaks trying to swat the bug, causing a leak. Then it lands on the dial of his stovetop, which he turns on trying to swat the bug. There was a huge explosion, but it was actually a dream that prompts him to go visit Wilson. Wilson continues attempting to convince him that the whole bug issue is a symptom of his desire for Cuddy.
Instead of going to visit Cuddy, House barges into the guy’s apartment, where Cameron is sleeping on a side chair. He tells Cameron to test the guy’s stomach again. Guy passes out and his pulse stops, House calls his lawyer to get approval to take him to the hospital, but Cameron uses a defibrillator against House’s wishes and guy’s pulse restarts. I’m going to fill in the blank in this commercial break with visualizations of House hitting Cameron in the shins with his cane.
After the break, the team is gathered in the guy’s living room. House discovers that the guy is a clean freak and has been using a combination of ammonia and bleach to clean his bathtub everyday. So I thought, “Come on dude, have you never cleaned your toilet with bleach and then peed in it?” I guess not, because if he had ever done that, he would know that the combination of ammonia and bleach makes a toxic gas strong enough to knock somebody out. Or cause whatever disease this guy has. House prescribes something simple I didn’t catch and don’t feel like rewinding to hear because this is fictitious medicine anyways.
Back at the hospital Cameron and Chase make nice-nice, I see some dirty makeup sex in the near future.
House is in his office, on the phone with Cameron at guy’s house, she says his stomach pain has persisted through the treatment, House tells her to put him back on the morphine that he had sneakily took the guy off of. She tells him that she switched back to morphine from the saline Taub had replaced his original morphine with. You have no idea how hard it is to put all of the double- and triple-crossing on this show into paragraph form. Pronoun ambiguity be damned; I’m not sure I want to proofread this because my head might combust.
House figures out that the guy had some remaining shrapnel imbedded in his side from the mugging that killed his wife and inflicted his agoraphobia. House callously cuts him open, nonchalantly removes the debris, then insightfully, yet coldly tells the guy to live his outside life again while I tenaciously apply adverbs.
In the break room Cameron tells Chase that his suspicions of her feelings about the effects of her deceased husband were accurate, but also that she cleared out a drawer for him in her place. We next see him placing his things in her drawer. That’s not a euphemism for banging, sadly. Oh, and: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
House sees the mosquito on his hand, but rather than killing it, he hops on his motorbike and heads over to Cuddy’s place. He stops at the door of course, during a cross-cutting sequence that shows the guy leaving his house for a walk. House can fix everyone but himself.
Next week’s sneak peek showed Wilson confronting House about not pursuing Cuddy and the promise of brain surgery on a young female patient who is withholding a secret that I won’t believe. I bet I will believe it though, because I believe everything House says.