Friday Night Lights – Season 3 Premiere Live Blog Wednesday, October 1, 2008Posted by Jerkwheat in Friday Night Lights, jerkwheat.
Welcome back to DIllon, Texas y’all!
That’s right, our favorite high school football team (sans Nib High – whose football will always rule) is back. Sadly, for most folks, it’s a DirecTV exclusive until February. Fortunately, I have good ol’ DirecTV and will be covering Season Three until it is inevitable cancelled halfway through this season and never heard from again. We’re optimists here at DeadOn. So, if you wanna know what happens – tune in here every week around this time. If you don’t – stay away from the internets as they are chock a block with spoilers for every aspect of your life. (This just in, Drudge already reporting that you are, in fact, not getting laid next Thursday). If you are with us here, hit the jump and let’s talk about Season 3’s opening act….
Thank you, Vaseline, for bringing this to me commercial free.
Except for this Vaseline commercial to open everything up. Strahan approves.
Some of this content may not be suitable for younger viewers. FYI.
Now, for the show…
Is there a better opening conceit for a show than the opening with the local sports talk yokels talking about Coach? Sounds like last season didn’t end well after Smash’s injury. Oh, and Miss Coach is the principal now. BOOYAH!
There is a new QB coming in from Dallas – one J.D. McCoy, a freshman who apparently broke state records while in middle school. God bless you Texas high school pee wee football. They’ll need him since Saracen is sucking in practice. Riggins is your new starting tailback now that Smash is gone. This will end well. Also ending well – Buddy Garrity informing Coach to ignore “that two game rumor”. No truth to that rumor nor the one that Dillon is joining the SEC next year.
Side bar – have we always known that Riggins was in the same class as Saracen? Shouldn’t he be older?
More good news – Explosions In The Sky will still be soundtracking this show it seems. It has yet to be determined when they will start soundtracking my every movement, thus making my life far more epic and awe-inspiring.
Lila Garrity is also a senior now. I thought that happened last year as well. Also, Riggins slept in her room at Buddy’s apartment last night. Play on playa.
Smash is still in town, despite graduating. Coach is being a good fella and helping him rehab to get him on a college team somewhere.
Footage of blocking sleds and ladder drills make me wistful for….well, pretty much nothing. Blocking sleds and ladder drills sucked beyond belief. In other practice news, Saracen has Jason Campbell Disease and enjoys fumbling. Good thing that new kid is in town. And the new kid’s dad is a wealthy beer distributing sucking up with Buddy.
The new guidance counselor is a grumpy fart who quickly squashes Tyra’s dream of going to a 4 year state school and wants her to settle for Dillon Tech. SINCE WHEN IS THERE A DILLON TECH?!?! This town seriously has a community college? Also in Dillon? A jumbotron since Buddy wants one and has a big donor check. Never mind the actual school budget shortages. Gotta have a jumbotron. Gotta have principles my friends.
Riggins is back at the strip club. And his brother is dating one of the strippers. The Riggins Boys are beyond awesome in every matter possible.
Not nearly as awesome is the orthopod who just told Smash that while his knee is healed, his speed isn’t probably coming back. Jerky McJerkface. Dr. McJerkface. Suck on that Grey’s Anatomy.
The teachers are already revolting against Mama Coach. DID YOU KNOW THEY BUY THEIR OWN SUPPLIES?!? ITS ALL YOUR FAULT MAMA COACH!
J.D. McCoy’s dad is already awesome – he bought smoothies for the whole team! AND ORANGE SLICES AT HALFTIME!!! WEEEEE!!! TOO BAD YOUR SORRY ASSES DON’T DESERVE A SMOOTHIE BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT PRACTICE!!! GET THE TRUCK OFF THE FIELD! YAAAAAAAARGH!
Better news for the men of Dillon – Tyra is gonna go back to being a bad girl now that she can’t get into any good schools. She’s already cutting classes and telling off Tami for filling her head with those crazy dreams of a better life. Meanwhile, Julie is begging Coach for a car, permission to get a job, an end to the Iraqi war, and for conflict free eggs.
Lila, while not publically admiting her love for Riggins, is still managing to stop his pimp hand from staying strong around the Rally Girls. It’s been a good 30 minutes now, so he need a life lesson from her. TAKE YOUR LIFE SERIOUSLY, TIM!!
J.D. McCoy’s dad is now trying to bribe Coach with scotch and two Cubans. Maybe I mean cigars, maybe I mean El Duque and Alexi Ramirez. And now Pops McCoy is bad mouthing Saracen. Pops just wants his son to be coached by the great Eric Taylor. That’s all. I really need to think of a better name for this dicknozzle. I’m taking suggestions in the comments.
Another teacher just left Dillon because Tami can’t singlehandedly fix all the flaws of the American public schools system. DAMN YOU TAMI!!! NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Quote of the night – Tami to Coach “You’re just trying to get laid” – Can you blame him? SRSLY.
The stripper that Riggins’ brother is dating? Why it’s Tyra’s stripper sister! And Billy just asked her to marry him…AND SHE SAYS DRUNKEN YES!! IT’S A TEXAS WEDDIN’, Y’ALL!!! AND MAMA TYRA SAYS TYRA’S DREAM MAN MIGHT BE IN THAT VERY DRUNKEN BAR! YEEEEE HAW! Will this make Tyra reconsider her return to her bad girl ways?
OF COURSE! Repent and beg Tami’s forgiveness and ask for her help in the middle of the night!! HUZZAH!
Now, for the next dramatic reveal…
Smash is giving up on the rehab. He’s gotta start living life as Brian – the manager of the Tastee Freeze. No more Smash. The white short sleeve dress shirt and red tie say it all. Gotta move on, brother. We’ve also gotta set up plot points for this season.
GAME ONE BEGINS
- Riggins breaks a long run. SHOCKING.
- Riggins breaks another long run. RIDONKULOUS.
- Saracen breaks a long run. DOWHUT?
- Riggins leaps over the line for a TD. IDONBELIEVESMUHEYES.
- J.D.”Young Gun” McCoy comes into the game with it 38-12.
- Immediate pretty pass.
- Saracen looks sad.
- Immediate touchdown pass from 40 yards out.
- Saracen begins listening to My Chemical Romance.
- Gramma Saracen is still batshit.
END GAME ONE
Back at the dealership for the post-game, Buddy is showing off the Jumbotron model. Tami swings by to break his heart. She needs real things dammit. Not a big screen – she’s already moved the funds over to actual academics! CAUSE SHE THE PRINCIPAL AND SHE DO WHAT SHE WANT! This is followed by Buddy seeing Lila make out with Riggins. I think Buddy may wind up driving cars through the dealership later tonight.
Explosions In The Sky is playing….must mean the end is near while we get a montage of “Great Moments In Panther Football” during the post-game party. Smash is locking up the Tastee Freeze. Coach isn’t gonna let him quit, is he? Suddenly, they are playing raquetball?!? In Dillon, Texas? After midnight on a Friday? This town does have everything! Also, Coach is reminding me that its the Alamo Freeze. Not the Tastee. Annnnnnd, Coach is not giving up on Smash ever. EVAR. Coach needs something good to happen, dagnabit. BE THAT SOMETHING SMASH.
All this racquetball? Just a subtle reminder to Smash that his knee is fine. And with a pensive look from Smash followed by a swing of the racket, we close Episode One.
Jeebus this is long. Stupid, sexy live blogging.