Drinking Games: The “I Can’t Drive 55” Edition Tuesday, February 5, 2008Posted by PQ Crash in PQ Crash, video games.
Tags: I might as well start smoking marlboro reds at this poi
Hello all, this is PQ Crash again covering two of the finer things in life: Booze and video-games. I knew I wanted to review Burnout: Paradise this week, but I couldn’t pin down what alcohol would go well with it. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of asking the lady at the liquor store what booze went well with driving. After being asked to leave I headed over to another liquor store and on the way there I had a bit of a serendipitous moment…Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55” came on the radio and I then knew what I was drinking that night: Hagar’s own Cabo Wabo tequila.
Let’s make Vince Neil proud after the jump…
I’ve never been a big fan of tequila. EVER. Probably because my friends fed me a “cement mixer” on my 21st birthday and used Cuervo 1800 as the second shot and subsequently forced everything out of my stomach. However, for the sake of this review, I’d figured that I’d give tequila another chance.
Burnout: Paradise (PS3)
Burnout: Paradise is the fifth game in the Burnout series and is the first for the “next-gen” consoles (i.e., PS3, Xbox 360). Burnout: Paradise moves into an “open city” format (…and yet again, think Grand Theft Auto) and allows the player to freely drive around the city to explore new areas and challenges.
Cabo Wabo (Blanco)
Cabo Wabo tequila was originally made for Sammy Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Cantina. Long story short, the guy now sells a fuck-ton of it and sold 80% of his stake in Cabo Wabo tequila for $80 million (Source: Wikipedia).
I’ll start off by saying that Burnout 3 is my favorite racing game of all time. So much so that I almost missed my college graduation because I was up until 5 that morning playing that game (and drinking, of course). I’d skipped the other sequels to that game until now because all of the elements of Burnout 3 felt perfect; also because I was just out of school and broke.
Burnout: Paradise now focuses on a free-roaming city where you can choose events and races at your leisure. This open format is great for the opportunity to scout race locations, shortcuts for the races, finding ramps for stunts, etc. Also, there are multiple locations around the city that will provide certain bonuses: refills on the boost tank, paint jobs and repairing your damaged vehicle– which is nice because your car will get damaged, a lot. Many of these stations are on the race paths which will help you out substantially.
The open format of the game does have its drawbacks; after a couple of drinks, I kept driving around the city looking for a virtual fast-food restaurant in search of the greasy hamburger that I normally crave when I’m drunk.
Graphically, Burnout: Paradise is fucking gorgeous. Although the game outputs at only 720p, the 60fps and the rendering of the high speeds puts most other PS3 games’ graphics to shame. It’s made me thankful for my HD set and helps reassure me that my money wasn’t wasted on it and my PS3.
One other point about the graphics: You know how everything seems to slow down when you’re hammered? Well, don’t even bother trying to keep up with the animation of this game if you’ve had a few drinks, you’ll get the spins within moments of picking up the controller.
The controls of the game took a few moments to get used to. I’ve been programmed by games like Gran Turismo to use the “X” button for the accelerator and the “O” button for the brake. Burnout: Paradise has reappropriated the accelerator and brake buttons to R2 and L2 respectively. I’m happy to say that the controls never felt twitchy or unresponsive; I was just twitchy and unresponsive from the tequila. Also, bonus points to the developer for implementing the rumble feedback for the PS3’s Dualshock 3 (soon to be released in North America, but I imported one from Japan). I’m just happy that they didn’t put a breathalyzer-lock on my controller so I could keep playing.
The game consists of five main event types. There’s the standard race against 5 or 7 computer-controlled cars, the “Road Rage” event where you have to ram into and cause a certain amount of cars to crash, the “Marked Man” event where multiple cars are out to get you, “Stunt Run” where you have to string together tricks and stunts for a high point total (obligatory Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater joke here) and, finally, the “Burning Route” event where you have to race a time trial event with a pre-determined car.
Holy hell this stuff is good. Prior to booting up Burnout: Paradise I poured a shot of it over ice and took it back. It doesn’t have a killer bite to it at the end and it actually makes for a good sipping drink. However, I felt that I had to go and try Hagar’s version of the margarita — the Waborita:
- 2 oz. Cabo Wabo tequila (it calls for reposado tequila, not blanco, but the blanco was $10 cheaper)
- 2 oz. Lime juice
- 1 oz. Triple Sec (everyone, please make sure you keep a bottle of Triple Sec around, it’ll save any horrible cocktail you’ll concoct)
- A splash of Blue Curacao
Save for the Blue Curacao, mix all of it in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a salt-rimmed glass. Pour the splash of Blue Curacao in the middle of the glass. Drink the Waborita and then attempt to operate a virtual motor vehicle; you’ll then see why drinking and driving is a horrible, horrible thing to do.
I’ll just say it right now. This game is impossible to play while you’re drunk. Two Waboritas into the game and I was doomed. The game moves incredibly fast and it requires full concentration to get through one race/event. Granted, when the game’s soundtrack started playing Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend,” I lost both respect and concentration for the game. (The addition of Soundgarden and Guns and Roses helped ease the sting of it though.)
After sobering up, I spent a few more hours with Burnout: Paradise and found it to be a stellar game. Events like the “Marked Man” and the normal races were incredibly fun to play once I had gotten a feel for the open city and knew where the repair stations were and also where a few of the shortcuts were.
I was a bit upset that the game’s races/events started at the intersections throughout the city. If you fail an event, you have to go back to the same intersection to restart the event. Difficult to remember where you started when you’re inebriated, frustrating to go back when you’re determined to complete the event (and also when you’re on the other side of the city). However, this barely detracts from the overall fun of the game.
Last Call (I admit it, I need to stop using this pun)
The better use of your money is spent towards the Cabo Wabo tequila. The official recipe for the Waborita is excellent and the straight tequila is even better. I’m not saying that Burnout: Paradise is horrible (far from it actually), but I enjoyed the Cabo Wabo tequila more than I did the game. Definitely check out Burnout: Paradise if you’ve played any of the previous games in the series–just stay sober while doing it.
Do have any questions? Know a good 12-step program? Leave them in the comments below or feel free to e-mail me at pqcrash_at_gmail.com
Next time: Hanna Montana: Music Jam vs. Zima (I’m kidding, I don’t know what I’ll do yet. Any requests?)