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The Most Cromulent Simpsons Episodes of All-Time: #6 Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Posted by cdnmoose in CDNMoose, the simpsons, total cromulence.
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You did too miss us. Admit it.

You’ve been sitting alone in your house, rocking back and forth in your comfy chair wondering if there really are 20 Cromulent Simpsons episodes, or were there just 14.

Really. It’s okay to cry.

Well, after a comedy-of-errors layoff for a couple of weeks, we’re back. That’s a good thing since we only have three (three!) more weeks until “The Simpsons Movie” hits on July 27th.

Soooo, we’re gonna do two episodes a week (on Tuesdays and Thursdays) for the next three weeks starting today with the sixth-most Cromulent episode ever.

It’s got my all-time favourite and goofy B-story and an A-story that will resonate with anyone who’s ever been an eternally-10-years-old cartoon boy.

Oh, and probably anyone else who’s ever had a first love who eradicated their heart by falling for a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules.


The New Kid on the Block

Written by Conan O’Brien
Directed by Wes Archer

Season 4, Episode 6
Originally aired November 12, 1992

20. Homer At The Bat
19. Hurricane Neddy
18. Homer Goes to College
17. Homer’s Enemy
16. The Cartridge Family
15. 22 Short Films About Springfield
14. Treehouse of Horror II
13. El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer
12. Mr. Plow
11. Kamp Krusty
10. Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
9. Bart Sells His Soul
8. Homer the Heretic
7. Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington
6. The New Kid on the Block

Episode Synopsis

Bart gets girl (sort of). Bart loses girl (kinda). Oh, and Homer eats a 10-pound bag of flour in exposition.

Why This Episode Is Particularly Cromulent

It’s another Conan episode, and as I’ve said before, I have a (probably non-sexual) man crush on Conesy. Dude makes me laff, what can I say.

Everything that Cap’n McAllister touches in this episode turns to gold. From his commercial, to his act in the coutroom to his compromise with Homer, you knew a beautiful side character was born this episode when pretty much everything the man says makes you chuckle.

I enjoy Bart’s date prep (having a bath to make his skin look its yellowest) and getting his Hef on with the smoking robe and bubble pipe. When he follows it up by learning to dance with Laura (which ends perfectly by how a 10-year old should end a dream sequence should (with a wedgie, natch)), that’s some wonderful great animation at work.

Le danser

“May I have this wedgie?”

Bart learning about (or, rather, not-so-much learning about) the facts of life from Grampa (who “wore a fifteen-pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn’t enough…“) and his Dad (who learned about the birds and bees the hard way himself (“Zookeeper! The monkeys are trying to kill each other!“)) is excellent, but nothing compared to Homer’s rambling eventual-tirade about what women really are.

Bart’s moment of hearbreak is also wonderfully done in dream sequence…

You won’t be needing *this*…
“You won’t be needing *this*…”

Yepper. This episode has it all.

Notes and Observations

  • This is the series debut for Captain McAllister. Rawk.
  • Conan was brought on to replace some of the writers who had left in Season 4 (Jeff Martin, Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky). Conan was their third choice after John Bowman (dude who created “Martin”) and Paul Simms (who created “News Radio”).
  • Originally, the B story was Homer punching out Don Rickles after getting insulted by him at a show. Rickles not only passed on the show, but insulted it as well. Then Homer took a night course in hair dressing. that didn’t work, so they went with the all-you can eat bit.

Memorable Quotes

Hunky BaconHost: Okay, Ron, which one of our girls said the following about you: ‘He looked so sexy, I hoped that we would have sex?’
Ron: Well, that’s a tough one since I did the deed with Uda, Candy and Shasta…
Shasta (giggling): It’s true alright!
Ron: …But I’m gonna have to go with Shasta since she liked makin’ bacon on the beach.
Homer (watching TV): Ooooh, me too….
<dreams of that very thing>
Ooohhh, bacon…

Cap’n McAllister: Ahoy, mateys! Had your fill of tacos? Would ye sooner eat a bilge rat than another burger? Then come for all-you-can-eat seafood at the Fryin’ Dutchman!

Homer: Marge, we’re going to that restaurant.
Marge: But I think I’m allergic to seafood. The last time I ate shrimp, my throat closed up, and I went into convulsions.
Homer: Mmmmmm…shrimp.

There you are!Wife: Now, I don’t know much about haggling or bargaining, so why don’t we just agree to pay whatever the Winfields want?
Agent: That could work.
(belching is heard outside; they check out the window where Homer is fishing for a half-eaten hotdog in the kiddie pool)
Homer: There you are! Thought you could get away, huh?
Wife: Goodbye.

Laura: Hey, kid. Wake up.
Bart: Who are you?
Laura: I’m Laura, your new neighbor. Are you all right?
Bart’s brain: She’s beautiful! Say something clever…
Bart’s mouth: I fell on my bottom.
Bart’s brain: D’oh!

Laura’s Mom: I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield, especially after that Time cover story, “America’s Worst City”…
Marge: You could see our house in that photo!

The HandLaura: Now where were we?
Oh yeah, I was gonna tell your fortune.
Oh, man. You’re going to be rich!
Bart: Oh, baby!
There’s your mansion…
There’s the tennis court…
<She spits into Bart’s hand>
And there’s the swimming pool!
See ya later, Bart!
Bart: I’ll never wash this hand again…

Extra Loose Pants. Homer: Oh, no all-you-can-eat seafood!
. I wore my extra-loose pants for nothing!

Don’t take the steam tray! Sir!Waiter: I’m sorry, Ma’am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.
Marge: What about the bread, does it have much fish in it?
Waiter: Yes.
Marge: Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse…
Waiter: Excellent choice. And for the gentleman?
Homer: All you can eat! All you can eat!
Waiter: Alright, when you’re ready take this plate over to the–
Cook: Please! Don’t take the steam tray! Sir!

Waiter: That man ate all our shrimp! And two plastic lobsters!
Cap’n: ‘Tis no man…’tis a remorseless eatin’ machine. Arrrr!

Cap’n: Six bells! Time for closin’!
Homer: Can’t talk. Eating.
Cap’n: Farly warned, be thee, says I.

Homer: I’m gonna fight this thing!
Marge: Oh, please don’t…for me?
Homer: Sorry, Marge…This is my quest. I’m like that guy. That Spanish guy. You know, he fought the windmill?
Marge: Don Quixote?
Homer: No, that’s not it. What’s-his-name, the Man of La Mancha.
Marge: Don Quixote.
Homer: No!
Marge: I really think that was the character’s name: Don Quixote.
Homer: Fine! I’ll look it up!
Marge: Well, who was it?
Homer: Nevermind.

Apu: I’m thinking you like this girl, yes?
Bart: How did you know?
Apu: My ceiling mirrors and videocameras sometimes see more than who is about to shoot me

Greatest Hero in American HistoryHomer: All you can eat. Ha!
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, “The Never-Ending Story”.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Hutz: Homer, I don’t use the word hero very often, but you…are the greatest hero…in American history.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

You baloney!Homer: Now if you’ll excuse us, this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father. ..
Son, a woman is a lot like…a refrigerator!
They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and…uhh…
Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one!
[downs the beer]
But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
[12 “women” later, Homer is in the bag, but still going]
So I sez “Yeah, you want that money, then come find it, ‘cuz I don’t know where it is, you baloney! You make me wanna wretch…”

Bart: How can you like that guy?
Laura: I dunno…maybe because he’s an outlaw. You know that dead body they found behind the Mayor’s house?
Bart: Jimbo killed him?
Laura: No, but he poked him with a stick!

Bart: What do you like about him? He’s just a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules…
Laura and Lisa: <sigh>

Lawyer: Mrs. Simpson, isn’t it true that your husband once consumed a ten-pound bag of flour when no other food was available?

Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant?
Marge: We pretty much went straight home…
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you are under oath!
Marge: We drove around until 3AM looking for another all-you-an-eat fish restaurant.
Hutz: And when you couldn’t find one?
Marge: We went fishing…
Hutz: Do these sound like the actions of a man who had all he could eat?

Bottomless PeteHomer: Come on, Marge…let the people see your pretty face…
Cap’n: Come see Bottomless Pete! Nature’s cruelest mistake! Come for the freak! Stay for the food!
Bystander 1: Oh, he’s hideous!
Bystander 2: I heard they shaved a gorilla…

What kind of a pathetic drunk do you take me for?Moe: Barney, don’t steal any beer while I’m gone!
Barney: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for?
Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!
<sips it out>
Barney: Uh-oh…my heart just stopped.
Ah, there it goes…


This episode is a veritable all-you-can-laff buffet. Enjoy!

All You Can Laff


 Das Butt

Update: This is for Heyzeus, “the gentleman of the house”…I include it now ‘cuz I took the vidcap when I wrote the post, and then didn’t end up using it, but since you asked….



1. SA - Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I love this episode.

That’s all.

2. DougOLis - Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Top notch

3. businessorleisure - Tuesday, July 10, 2007

There was something I was supposed to tiptoe around…

My divorce?

4. Greek McPapadopoulos - Tuesday, July 10, 2007


5. heyzeus - Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Is this the episode with Das Butt?

6. Does this sound like a man who’s had ALL he could eat? « SelfLaugh.com - Thursday, January 3, 2008

[…] are some highlights from one of “The most cromulent simpsons episodes of all time.”  First when Homer takes his case to Attorney Lionel Hutz and decides to fight this cruel […]

7. SEO PRO - Tuesday, January 29, 2008

HAhaha some great bits of Simpsons episodes. My favourite episode is Treehouse of Horrors VIII just for the nuclear blast and zombie flanders… Awesome show!

8. BOINKOLOGY | It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Goes To A Dubai Prison - Tuesday, October 28, 2008

[…] Constantly. Any time she vacations somewhere tropical, I get the inevitable text message about her making bacon on the beach. And, yeah, ok, I’m jealous. At least I was, until I found out that sometimes […]

9. Hobonurse - Sunday, November 2, 2008

What about the shock and awe comments from all the morbidly obese members of the jury when they heard Marge’s testimony??? Then in the next scene they all weren’t fat anymore…

10. Weekend: Pinball and Chasing Ghosts | mccreavy - Sunday, March 11, 2012

[…] behavior reminded me of the Simpsons' episode where Homer gets kicked out of all-you-can-eat night at "The Frying Dutchman," ("'tis no man… tis […]

11. Chasing Ghosts: “King of Kong” Meets “American Movie” | mccreavy - Sunday, March 11, 2012

[…] behavior reminded me of the Simpsons' episode where Homer gets kicked out of all-you-can-eat night at "The Frying Dutchman," ("'tis no man… tis […]

12. http://www.planetims.org - Saturday, August 16, 2014

Hi there this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or
if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from
someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

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