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No seriously. What did you name your baby? Friday, June 15, 2007

Posted by LenBiasCocaineSurplus in comedic tag, hentai tentacle porn, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus.
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By the time this is read the Spurs will be NBA champions or the NBA will canceled for reruns of National Bingo Night, but the biggest story from the finals is the naming of Lebron James child Maximus. Named after the popular character from the movie Gladiator. While I respect Lebron for using pop-culture to name his child I must wonder if anyone woman gets drunk enough to accidentally have my child what should I name said future do-nothing-er?

After the jump I will name my 10 pop-culture inspired names to bestow upon a future offspring

10. ?- Not after the symbol but after the head of 1 hit wonder band ? & the Mysterians. Naming a child “?” not only has the ability to confuse every teacher he will ever be taught by but also has the distinction of being an obscure pop-culture reference to a man who will (according to him at least) be performing his song in the year 10,000. This assures that my child will never be normal (or accepted by society most likely) and if he ever plays on a football team he will have the most bitching jersey since He Hate Me.

9. Angus MacGyver- What does every parent want from their child? Besides money, fame and money. To be an upstanding citizen and to be a drug free helper of all… that is also rich and famous.

More importantly the show was responsible for possibly my favorite song built into a show ever

8. Apollonia- A child will be born with a deep naval and a poor idea of how to make a film

7. KITT/General Lee- I personally would never want the name of a car, but I would like to know someone who was named after a car. The only chance I get to name a human being is to obtain one. I would lean more towards KITT for I could buy the child a LED necklace instead of having to buy him/her a confederate flag cape. I could see the latter having potential problems.

6. Warrior – Wrestler/Public Speaker/Comic Book Hero Warrior is an American icon legenend citizen that changed the world with in ring antics and became a loveable scamp after his wrestling career. Saying silly things about queer people.

That lovable scamp.

5. DuxThe questions of just how fact-based Bloodsport really is, I for one like to see it as a documentary that is 100 percent true. Dux is also the Latin word for leader so for anyone whoever questioned the name I could pretend like I didn’t get the inspiration from a Jeane Claude Van Damme movie, not that I would want to lie about something like that.

4. Snake Eyes Out of all the GI Joe characters Snakes Eyes is not only the best but has one of the most usable names for a child, unless you want to name your child Rock N Roll.

-warning comic book knowledge ahead-

He also has the distinction of stabbing a Transformer in the eye and tossing him off a cliff, because that is how badass Snake Eyes is, he can kill a giant robot in a comic book.

3. Sweetums So the Muppet iself is a horribly distinguishing mop-puppet-pitbull combo. The name though is that matters in the end, and this one is absolutely adorable. Of course until they are about the age of 30, then it turns into creepy, but once they turn 18 it isn’t my problem anymore.

2. Gizmo- It was a tough choice between this an Mogwai. Until I realized that Mogwai is from the Catonese word meaning “demon”. That would have just been a bad omen, that is why Damien didn’t make this list.

1. Journey!-

Yes with the exclamation point at the end too.

So now loyal readers of this website. Tell me what you would name your kid. Assuming you have something better than Maximus.



1. Arnold Layne - Friday, June 15, 2007

Seven is a good one, it gets double points for refrencing both Seinfeld and Married with Children.

2. goathair - Friday, June 15, 2007

But if you named your kid ?, they would still put the last name on the jersey.

3. The Fan's Attic - Friday, June 15, 2007

maybe if the last name was williams you could get the ? on the jersey as well. lots of williams in pro sports it seems.

4. mingusmonk - Friday, June 15, 2007

Another two-fer … Sledge Hammer.

For the cancelled-too-soon TV sitcom


And the best music video of the 80’s.

As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to talk my wife into having our 6th child, just so I can use that name.


or not.

5. Encouraging Referee Pitman - Friday, June 15, 2007

Have I just found the other person who has Sledge Hammer! on DVD? Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

6. MitchKayak - Friday, June 15, 2007

Sledge Hammer is an awesome TV show. I’m so glad others have seen it. I figured I was the only one. I need the DVD.

7. jukeboxhero - Monday, June 18, 2007

How about Alf

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