The Sopranos: “Chasing It” Monday, April 30, 2007Posted by cdnmoose in CDNMoose, gambling is fun, The Sopranos, TV shows.
Tags: Jets win a game!, Spawn of Rob and Rosie
After such a great episode last week, we are treated to a bit of a letdown this week with a “setup” episode.
Not much happened tonight except Tony getting more and more into the hole with his gambling, and he and Carmela going through a bit of a meltdown over money.
Oh, and Little Vito now resembles the exact fucking offspring of Rosie O’Donnell and Robert Smith.
(For the non-degenerate gamblers out there, “chasing it” refers to chasing your losses with bigger and bigger bets to get back in the plus column…just FYI).
But stil, we are given some more probable hints with what may be coming in the last few episodes, so come on in if you are looking for something to read before your nap at work today.
We open with Tony and his lieutenants having some fun in Atlantic City.
Side note: Las Vegas is to Atlantic City as beautiful, leggy showgirls are to one-armed crack whores. Discuss.
Anyway, in AC, Tony is playing roulette (roulette? really?) and he hits red 23. Nice. Lets it ride on 23 (and all the numbers surrounding 23). The wheel hits…11. Note to those who don’t play roulette: 11 is not 23. Or close to 23. All his bets are losers. Oops.
Quick cut to a graveyard where Lil’ Goth Vito is gleefully trashing graves (because that’s what’s cool, I guess). He really does looks like what a young Robert Smith would have before he went to fat camp to cover up “daddy’s fat little secret”.
Back in NJ, Tony grouses to Sil about the ponies when Marie (The Widow Vito (it sounds like I’m talking baby talk, doesn’t it?)) comes to chat. Long story short, Lil’ Vito is such a pain in the ass, she asks Tony for $100K to relocate to Maine.
Tony: Well, that’s to be expected, what with Vito’s passing and all that entrails
Nice accidental pun there Tony, considering the event that pushed Marie over the edge was when Lil’ Vito hanged a cat out on a garage door.
In any event, Tony is not so much in a hurry to part with a hundred large, so he offers to talk to Lil’ Vito first. You know, talk some sense to him. At least get him to start eating vegetables.
Afterwards, Tony grouses (again) about why Lil’ Vito is is his problem, anyway. He blames Phil for clipping Big Vito, his best earner.
At the Bing, Tony is watching fake NFL (I don’t even think they dug up the CFL for fake footage like they did last year). Looks like Tony was betting TB -3, but on a last-second play, Buffalo scores (off a busted play from a Losman fumble– no surprise there) to win 28-24. Oh, Tony…you should know better than to bet the Bucs as a road favourite when the spread is just -3 (the “toss-up” spread: every team gets 3 points just for home field).
Tony silently fumes as some guy celebrates Buffalo’s win (“fucking guy probably won $35“). He tells the guys he’s going in the back to take a snooze.
Like me, this is a bit of a euphemism and it does not mean he will actully sleep. Unlike me, he trashes the room in a bit of a rage. (Yeah, I’m guessing he had more than $35 riding on the game).
Over in NYC, Nancy Sinatra (!) serenades Phil, congratulating him for becoming the boss (she sings “Big Boss Man” to him). Why people still think her father was somehow “connected”, I’ll never know.
After the show, Phil is pretty much cuddling up with her on the couch, putting on the moves in ways that only Phil Leotardo can:
Phil: I saw him bring Dean and Jerry back together. I was there at the telethon. I cried
Oh, Phil you dog.
Tony interrupts– he’s leaving early. He gives Phil the congrats and asks him to take care of the Vitos.
Phil: I guess the turd doesn’t fall far from the faggot’s ass
Tony: That’s beautifully put, but…
Yeah. Ahem. Phil? You have no idea how prophetic you are gonna be. Anyway, Phil says he’ll look in on him.
After 30 seconds of Phil and Tony talking, Nancy calls out from the couch: “You two going home together?“. I guess if you’re vagina is turning to dust any minute, every second counts. Hurry up, Phil.
The next day, Tony visits Hesh Rabkin (his advisor/loan shark who he borrowed the $200K from last week). He grouses about Phil. At this point, I want to know how many times I can say “grouse” in one post.
But really, he grouses about Bobby/Christopher/Paulie/Carlo not being good earners like big Vito was.
Tony pawns off more Cleaver schwag, but Hesh hints he wants his money instead. Tony gives him $3K (point and a half vig on the $200K). Hesh later grouses (!) to Renatta that Tony isn’t respecting his loan. Between the gambling, the lifestyle and the boat ($3.2 mil with no resale value), he thinks Tony is in danger of going broke.
The next day, Dr. Melfi busts Tony’s chops about canceling appointments. Which is to say, she’s grousing about it.
Even though he cancels in time or pays for the session, she insists that there are protocols to follow if he wants to continue being her patient.
Phil talks to Lil’ Vito who is goth enough to get chocolate sprinkles on top of his two (!) hot fudge sundaes. It amounts to grousing about his behaviour (“Be a man, this is ruining your mother…oh, and finish that thing, there’s no eating in the car“).
Hesh comes by the boys and gets this week’s vig. Tony “jokes” about Hesh being a cheap jew (aka “a chew”) by pretending to rub coins together and the like. (P.S. no, I did not just sneeze).
Later, Hesh talks to his son about the situation. He’s concerned that Tony hasn’t paid and is bitter he has to deal with it. “What’s he gonna do?“, his son asks. “He’s a rich man…he’s not gonna hurt ya…”, but Hesh notes:
Hesh: He’s the guy I call to deal with people like him.
Hesh and his son contemplate Tony’s net worth (minus assets, they think despite being a boss, he’s “under 6”, which I presume means $000’s, but could mean his penis size).
Back in AC, the boys are at the blackjack table, and Tony goes up 18K. He walks way a winner (always smart) but walking past the sportsbook, he sees a horse named “Meadow Gold” and, taking that as a sign, puts his $18K (maybe more) on her to win (not so smart).
(For the record, I bet on the same horse once, but that was when I was a huge Beck fan with a head cold).
Anyway, at Batavia, Meadow Gold is beaten by Swelligan by a nose or, as Christopher succinctly puts it, “by a cunt hair“. Classy.
That night, AJ proposes to Blanca at the restaurant by bringing her a ring under those fake silver dome things that movie people bring dessert to the table under.
She doesn’t say anything, but then AJ tells her that in the past three months, he is already night manager at the pizzeria. In three more, he could get the day shifts too. Why, in a couple of years, he figures he’ll own a chain of restaurants and clubs. Makes perfect sense as this is how I went from Coke drinker to CEO of Coca Cola in two years, but I digress.
She (eventually) says yes when he says that he wants to have kids.
Technically, she actually says “okay“, which is funny since that’s what my wife said when I proposed to her (right before she said “I guess”).
Tony talks to Lil V. The talk starts out nice, but ends with Tony almost roughing the kid up for being such a shit (“Don’t you know how much this is gonna cost? You’re the man of the house. Start acting like it.“)
Carm closes the house. Makes $600K on the deal.
Tony is happy for her and has a thought: Carm should take a chunk of it and put it on the Jets. He’s got a guy who’s got a girl who has a sister who is an Osteopath, and the Chargers QB has a hairline fracture in his leg. Vegas doesn’t know about it, yet (P.S. yes they do, Tony. They know everything).
Tony becomes more serious and says he wants to just a piece of his half on the game. Carm retreats and he eventually drops it. She’s right– it’s her money, after all.
The boys pop in on Hesh to give him the week’s vig. Nobody is happy. When Tony leaves, he talks with Bobby and Carlo in the car and has some brief consideration of bailing out on his obligation. Says, nah– it wouldn’t be right. Carlo pipes up that this reminds him of a Twilight Zone episode before he is cut off by Tony.
Tony: Maybe you should start sucking cock instead of watching TV Land. ‘Cuz Vito brought in three times what you do on construction
The next morning, Tony reads the headline: “Jets bomb Chargers 42-10”.
Good news, right? Erm, not so much.
Tony and Carm argue because Tony only bet $10K on the game whereas “we could have turned your bullshit into $1M!“.
They continue to argue money. Muchly. He grabs Carm by her shirt and pushes her to a wall before she retaliates by throwing stuff at Tony. She storms to her room.
Meanwhile, at the school, Lil’ Vito is showering after gym class and is teased by the other boys. In order to defend himself from the verbal taunts, he shits on the shower floor. And then steps on it. Classic defensive move. I think he *totally* got that move from the Spartans in “300”.
What I found amusing is that the other boys in the shower only leave (screaming like little girls, mind you) after he steps in it. Until then, it’s merely incredulous reaction. What the Hell?
Anyway, Tony and his guys talk about Lil’ Vito (who is “Probably thinking about how to pull a Columbine“) and Tony decides to help Marie. The boys won’t forget how good Tony is being, they say. He’s a real rock.
At the Puerto Rican Day parade, AJ and Hector meet up with Blanca who arrives with her brother. She’s brought his clothes…oops, she’s turning down the proposal after all (after telling him “okay” and everything. Sheesh).
Yes, Puerto Rican Day is ruined forever for AJ.
Her parting line?
Blanca: “I love you too, Anthony. Okay, I dunno…maybe I don’t”
Now *that’s* a burn.
And with that, she’s gone in a cloud of dust and AJ is left with nothing but a marching band playing “Livin’ La Vida Loca“.
At the Bing, the boys talk about the Dolphins kicker being hurt…or killed. Or something. He’s not playing, anyway.
And their backup kicker sucks. So with those two critical pieces of information running around his head, he puts $100K on Philly. If they win, he can take care of Marie and have lots left over. It’s gonna be *perfect*.
In the car, Tony listens to the final score: Miami 21, Philly 7.
Oops. Maybe “perfect” isn’t quite the right word.
Unless Philly was a 14.5 point underdog, it looks like Tony is out 6 Yugos.
Tony calls Marie and tells her he’s gonna help. Is he gonna send them to Maine? Er…no. We’ll send the little freak to corporal punishment camp in Idaho.
Which, come on, is *way* better than Maine…and it only costs one Yugo ($18K)
On the drive, Tony spots Ahmed (one of the Islamics who used to hang at the Bing). He is currently hanging out on the street in front of something that is **clearly** a terrorist sleeper cell…I guess. Tony made those shifty eyes and everything.
That night, “Steve” wakes up Lil’ Vito and whisks him off to the land of potatoes, lumber and cheap mail-order PCs.
Back at Tony’s house, Dallas beats the Spurs 109-108. From Tony’s reaction, I’m guessing he had Dallas minus points. Or he’s passing a stone. One of the two. It’s not good, I know that.
He calmly and sincerely apologizes to Carm. He tells her about the money (yes, he is losing right now). but she says she is far more concerned about his life.
Tony’s logic is that he survived a gunshot, so big-picture-wise, he’s up.
The next morning, Hesh exits his bathroom and sees his BBW sleeping peacefully. Oops, she’s not sleeping peacefully at all. Renatta has died overnight.
Tony comes to visit Hesh the next day. Pays him the $200K and offers his condolences.
So, after a very intriguing episode last week, we are left with a setup episode. I hope it pays off like a heavy ‘dog next week.
(See how I did that? Put the gambling thing in there and everything to tie things together better than the Dude’s rug. Smoove, Moose…Smoove…)