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Planet Earth: From Pole To Pole- Snow is cold Thursday, March 29, 2007

Posted by LenBiasCocaineSurplus in adorable animals, hentai tentacle porn, I don't get out much, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Reasons why I am single.

Planet Earth was a BBC Mini-series documenting animals from around the world. Everything from an animal attack an animal to…. an animal attacking another animal. Discovery got the rights to it and hyped it by basically say it was the single most important event in the history of mankind. Something that needs to be documented in a blog.

Join me after the jump for my notes on episode 1. From Pole to Pole.

The series gets off to an start by stealing the opening the sequence from Armageddon. We will follow this series to the last wildernesses out there, so we can find them and destroy them at once.

First animals we get a shot of? The giant flock of birds flying together. Because remember no matter what DUCKS FLY TOGETHER.

“Imagine a land without sun.” I wonder if the first place is going to be really cold. Antartica? Cold? AND has penguins? Now I’m learning. Antartica is always cold and always dark. A great place to bring the kids for summer vacation. All the penguins huddle for warmth and keep their eggs under their fat rolls. No animals are attack the penguins making it not very adventurous… wait. Here comes the sun! Now its only negative 10 degrees!

The polar bears are stirring at this point. If they don’t attack the penguins I will be sad. Polar bears and I do share one similar trait and that when we both get happy we like to toss our selves down giant hills covered in snow.

The only lesson I am learning about baby polar bears from the part about them going down a giant hill is how adorable they are. That and ice melting makes for boring television despite being in HD.

Along the note of boring we get a shot a caribou jumping in the water.

But then the wolves come to spice up life by chasing down caribou. Maybe a kill? Come on wolf!

Success. Planet Earth has its first kill. Anyone who had their money on the caribou please collect your winnings now.

Snow is still cold by the way.

Now the circle is shown. Sun gives energy to grow leaves to be eaten by Bambi. They neglect to show the part where Bambi is brutally slaughtered.

Again snow is cold.

Cats as we all know from Garfield comics are quite lazy. So in the winter they wait for other animals to die then eat them. BUT THEY ARE ALMOST EXTINCT BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED THEIR HOME!

Montages of trees do not equal Rocky montages, but an extreme close-up of a squirrel eating acorns? Brilliant.

Plume birds are show-offs. The spread out and making clicking noises to impress the ladies. I may start doing the same. Until I found out this bird got rejected. He will now curled up on his computer to watch Hot Underage Plumage 32.

Finally a shark attacking something. He attacks a seal, this is filmed in the popular 300 camera technique. Thus making a 1 second strike take 3 days. The next seal goes with a plan that the first one didn’t try. Swimming AWAY from the shark as opposed to swimming into its mouth. This seal also gets the 300 treatment.

Now the desert apparently doesn’t have water. I was not aware of this. Animals need water. Now I’m just in shock. Once the water comes all the animals join up. When the monkeys try to cross the water we are taught that monkeys can’t swim. Way to be racist BBC.

Hunting dogs, as much as this may come as a shock, hunt. They use teamwork and jap plays to catch their prey. They can’t be avoided, unless you swim away or an animals throws a tennis ball in the other direction.

Underwater camera angles of elephants are not as exciting as one may imagine.

Back to the penguins as the eggs hatch and the babies will one day take the place of their adults. Freezing their ass off huddled up with their egg.

Lesson of the episode? Cold sucks.



1. Mr. Science - Monday, June 21, 2010

I am curious as to why you wasted so much time being so incredibly negative about a beautiful and educational series. You are sad.

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