NCAA with a DeadOn Twist: East Side Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Posted by LenBiasCocaineSurplus in black people, Bruce Cambell is the tits, comedic tag, Hot chicks, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, Reasons why I am single.trackback
While most “experts” would have you believe that the fate of the NCAA tourney depends on the skills of the players on the court and the coaches on the sideline and how much money the dean’s pay off the refs to give them the calls I have a different theory.
The NCAA March Madness tourney can be predicted properly simply using the mascot names and the famous alumni and several other factors that will be fed into a computer giving me the proper picks.
This edition. The east side.
1. North Carolina Tar Heels
Famous Alumni- Thomas Fleming, Peter Gammons, Lewis Black, The creator of Disco Duck, Andy Griffith
Mascot Fighting- A tarheel from my research appears to be literally a heel with tar on it. Possibly making the worst basis for a mascot ever unless there is a college using the platypus. I’m looking at you St. John’s College’s Search and Rescue team!
Negative infinity
Tidbit- They have a secret society called “The Order of Gimghoul.” This may mean they have Free Masons backing them up.
2. Georgetown Hoyas
Famous Alumni- As-Sayyid Muhammad Abdullah II bin al-Hussein al Hashimi, King of Jordan … and Patrick Ewing.
Mascot fighting- ”
The origins of the word “Hoya” defy simple explanation. Over the years, some have claimed it is an Indian word, while those of a legal mind thought it related to the French word oyez, the traditional opening of judicial sessions. Still others held that with Georgetown’s location along a river, Hoya might be an offshoot of the nautical “ahoy”. None of these claims have held water, so to speak.
The official explanation holds that there was a baseball team at Georgetown called the “Stonewalls”. It is suggested that a student, applying Greek and Latin, dubbed the team the “hoia saxa” — hoia is the Greek neuter plural for “what” or “what a”, while saxa is the Latin neuter plural for “rock”. Substituting a “y” for an “i”; “hoya saxa” literally means “what rocks”.”
Someone needs to get North Carolina and Georgetown some help with this naming your teams thing.
Can I go lower than negative infinity?
Tidbit- David Palmer played on their basketball team, Girl Next Door ends in Georgetown, and the Exorcist is filmed there.
3. Washington State University
Famous Alumni- Keith Jackson, Drew Bledsoe, NFL Hall of Famer Ryan Leaf
Mascot Fighting- See this is a mascot. It’s a cougar. Cougars scare people. People know what they actually are. 8/10
Tidbit- They produce their own cheese and sell it on campus
4. Texas Longhorns
Famous Alumni- Farrah Fawcett, Richard Gariott, Janis Joplin, Matthew McConaughey, Sterling Morrison, Rip Torn, Eli Wallach, Rene Zellweger, Owen Wilson
Mascot Fighting- I learned as a 12 year old to never piss off a steer or a cow or your head ends up rammed into a wood post. 7/10
Tidbit- The Ryan Cabrera music video “On the Way Down” was filmed on the campus.
5. USC Trojans
Famous Alumni- Forrest Whitaker, John Carpenter, Girls Gone Wild man Joe Francis, Topher Grace, Ron Howard, Mythbuster Grant, George Lucas, Stephen Sommers, Rob Zemekis, KC but not the Sunshine Band, Dexter Holland, Mark McGrath, Will Ferrell, Lisa Ling, John Ritter, John Wayne, Tom Selleck, Joseph Wapner, and the creator of the Boogie Board
Mascot- A man with a sword? 9/10
Tidbit- The USC marching band is the only marching band with a platinum record thanks to the song Tusk.
6. Vanderbilt Commodore 64’s
Famous Alumni- The inventor of the internet, the inventor of SomethingAwful, Skip Bayless
Mascot Fighting- While Commodore 64s were good fun for all I feel that their lack of technology will catch up to them 4/10
Tidbit- There is a myth that “Classes have been canceled only once, when a bull invaded the campus sometime late in the nineteenth century.”
7. Boston College Eagles
Famous Alumni Heightsonians- Sean Williams , Doug Fucking Flutie, Leonard Nimoy, Jack Ryan
Mascot Fighting- The same as Winthrop. Harder to break through the gold coating. Maybe they should get one
Tidbit- My friend went there drunk one night and was arrested by their cops. Unfortunately for him he was already told by those school police not to come back. I awoke one day to this news in a drunken series of IMs I had recieved about how he was going to jail. I never heard from him after.
8. Marquette Golden Eagles
Famous Alumni- Chris Farley, Matthew Lesko
Mascot Fighting- Golden Eagles might be getting as annoying as Wildcats
Tidbit- Marquette is the featured school in the movie Tommy Boy which was also the answer to a 1,000,000 question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
9. Michigan State Spartans
Famous Alumni- Do you need anyone other than Bruce Cambell?
Mascot Fighting – A Spartan is only an 8 of10 unless that Spartan is Bruce Cambell. Then you can’t measure its greatness
Tidbit- If you have it you don’t need it. If you need it you don’t have it. If you have it you need more of it. If you have more of it, you don’t need less of it. You need it to get it. And you certainly need it to get more of it. But if you don’t already have any of it to begin with, you can’t get any of it to get started, which means you really have no idea how to get it in the first place, do you? You can share it, sure. You can even stockpile it if you’d like, but you can’t fake it. Wanting it, needing it, wishing for it… The point is if you’ve never had any of it ever, people just seem to know.
10. Texas Tech Red Raiders
Famous Alumni- John Denver, Pat Green, Captain Thaddeus Harris of Police Academy
Mascot- He has guns and obviously is experienced now with the wrath of Bobby Knight. 7/10
Tidbit- They have the 2006 polo championship team
11. George Washington Colonials
Famous Alumni- L. Ron Hubbard, Brian Williams
Mascots- They beat the Red Coats in theory they could almost beat anyone. Especially with Scientology on their side. 10/10
Tidbit- They have a Gaming League which is actually sponsored by such companies as EA. Why didn’t I think of this?
12. Arkansas Razorbacks
Famous Alumni- John Daly, The inventor of the pacemaker, and the author of Rollerball is faculty. Something about some guy named Clinton too.
Mascot Fighting- I would give it a 10 but I believe the back of these animals aren’t actually covered in razors. So 5/10
Tidbit- The have a “calling of the hogs” it sounds scary.
13. New Mexico St Aggies
Famous Alumni- David Cross…no not the one you know. The politician
Mascot- I’m still not sure what an Aggie is, although writing this did teach me of the fact that there is a NEW Mexico.
Tidbit- They may be holding aliens or copies of the E.T. Atari game on campus.
14. Oral Roberts Golden Eagl 900 ft tall Jesus Gang
Famous Alumni- Richard Roberts, Kathryn Kuhlman, Kenneth Copeland
Mascot- 900 ft tall Jesus is a tough opponent for any team. 900/10
Tidbit- All students must attend chapel twice a week in the worst college rule ever.
15. Belmont Bruins
Famous Alumni- Minnie Pearl, Trisha Yearwood, DJ Qualls
Mascot- I can’t eat that many hotdogs. 8/10
Tidbit- The largest Christian university in the state of Tennesee
16. Eastern Kentucky Colonels
Notable Alumni- Ketucky Joe, Lee Majors
Mascot- Colonels do lead armies while making some mean fried chicken. 8/10
Tidbit- Until the mid-60s their nickname was the “Maroons”
My predictions?
First round: Eastern Kentucky, Michigan St, USC, Texas, GW, Oral Roberts, BC, Belmont
Second Round: Michigan St, Texas, GW, Belmont
Third Round: Michigan St, GW
Finals: Michigan St Bruce Cambell
My final four so far by my methods is UNLV, VCU, and Michigan St
So we have the Spartans and the Trojans in the same region? Cool, it’s “Re-enact the Peloponnesian War Week” at the NCAA Tourney:
“Can you feel the magic? No? Then feel the bloodshed! This time, it won’t end with the Peace of Nicias, yo…”
SML: not to quibble, but the Peloponnesian war was Sparta against Athens. Troy was centuries gone by that point.
@Chilltown – nerd
Seriously. A misreference to the Peloponnesian war?
How could anyone do that?
When did this “black people” tag come about? Finally, a tag for us.
Clinton isn’t anm alumn of Arkansas, dumbass.
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