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Friday Night Lights – A Family Affair Thursday, March 1, 2007

Posted by Jerkwheat in Friday Night Lights, jerkwheat, TV shows.

Before I begin, let me apologize for the lack of FNL content last week – real life cut into my bloggery and I didn’t get to watch last week’s episode until a couple of days ago. By then, it was just time to wait for this week’s drama. And what fine drama it is. Playoff action, adultery, druggin, strippers, little kids, MILFs, and bi-polar disorder all await you….after the jump.

It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve had some football action, and since we all know the football is actually secondary (if that!) to the drama that happens in our little world of Dillon, Texas, it’s really not been missed that greatly. Who am I kidding? ITS DILLON FOOTBALL! IT’S NOT INTRAMURALS! THIS IS THE BIG 12!!! /end Dan Hawkins. Anyway, we find ourselves with five seconds left in the playoff game, with Dillon up by 5 and the other team with the ball. Here comes the Hail Mary and it is inevitable batted away. Yay Panthers! Here come the semifinals! Hallelujah screams the announcer. It’s a Texas Miracle!

Back at the Garrity house, there are no such miracles. Momma Garrity is quite pissed that Buddy was shoving his male fupa all over Tyra’s mom – and that she has the temerity to tell everyone about it at CHURCH! CHURCH! Glass breaks and the heretofore generally unseen non-Lila Garrity children are seen to be afraid of having their folks split up. You weren’t thinking of the children were you Buddy?

In Austin, Jason continues his more boring by the week path to the Quad Rugby Olympic squad. Because we all become world-class Paralympians in three months time. If that. He’s been getting more Murderballtang and fancy Sanskrit tats from artsy emo-punk girls in glasses with lots of tats themselves. Too bad he’s doing such things in Austin, cause back in Dillon it’s a PARTY AT THE RIGGINS HOUSE! WOO COOL OLDER BROTHER! All is going well until the new lady next door asks them to turn down the racket. Who is this new neighbor lady? Will we be seeing more of her? Hmmm…

Rather than the bodies in effigy that would have been awaiting the Taylors had they lost, they find Buddy Garrity awaiting a place to stay. I wish I had a screen capture of Kyle Chandlers face when Buddy asks to sleep on his couch. Brilliant. Who wouldn’t want Buddy on their couch? Everyone? I LOVE SLEEZY BOOSTERS! Thanks to Buddy though, Tyra’s mom is in a major depression. She’s popping pills and watching old romantic movies. I was hoping that a romantic movie in that family would be “Requiem for a Dream” – but instead it was some old schmaltz. Boo!

While Smash lays in bed thinking of Smash, his lady creeps in past Mama Smash and starts giving him the business. Waverly is a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed. They wind up skinny-dipping at an undisclosed location. Where the hell is there a pool in Dillon? At the Applebee’s? But while one couple finds love, we find Lila packing up her things for the inevitable road trip to check in on Jason in Austin. Raise you hand if you saw this coming? That’s what I thought.

Our sweet Julie awakens the next morning to find Buddy Garrity in a towel inside of her bathroom. Oh the times that’s happened to me! Poor Julie. Her life gets worse each week. Next week her Neutrogena is going to run out and she’ll finally face acne continuing her downward spiral! Thanks for ruining her life by making her a bad girl Tyra! Gosh! But if you think Naked Buddy Garrity is bad, try being Tim Riggins when the writers decide to introduce Cousin Oliver – err, Bo Miller. The son of the angry new neighbor! Bo insists on calling him “Tim Riggins” and proceed to tell Tim all of his year’s statistics. Tim’s got a fan! And he wins me over as well, by telling the kid to shut up because Riggins has a hangover.

After that, we have to bring it back down by going back to Street in Austin. Wheelchair line drills – they are just like everyone else dammit! Hey! Lila is here to end all your fun Jason! Good times! And she’ll guilt trip you for having fun while her dad fucks the town whore in 3…2…Ah, there it is. Yes. Redemption at last. And we can’t leave Riggins and the cute new kid alone for long, before you know it, Riggins is teaching him how to throw a spiral. I can’t wait til the episode where this kid dies and we all learn tragic, yet uplifting life experiences. The kid insists on using “blue 42” as his cadence, and let me tell you this – fuck “blue 42”. It’s all about “red 9”, ya hear? The kid also likes to yell “candy!” and I can’t fault him for that. And here comes mom – who is much hotter without her glasses and haus frau robe. So, yeah, Riggins will be doing her before all is said and done.

Our plotline of the future starts to develop back at the Taylor house as Coach gets a call from “TMU”. You might think it’s a combination of Texas and Texas A&M or Southern Methodist. In fact, it’s Texas Muslim University. A real up and comer program. This leads to the Taylors going out with the rep from TMU, leaving Julie all alone with Buddy Garrity for the night. Where the fuck is Chris Hanson and Dateline: To Catch A Predator? Tami says tough noogies and Julie is gonna have to deal – and Tami is always right. Buddy alone with Julie gives you a creepy feeling too right? Like the feeling Smash has once Waverly’s dad asks him if she’s been “acting different” lately. Of course not, Pastor. Smash’ll tell you though. Cause that’s how Smash be. Hopefully for Smash, anything being “different” doesn’t mean her vestigial tail and/or penis is growing back.

If Pastor wasn’t ominous enough for you, we go back to Lila and Jason for the bring down. Lila doesn’t approve of Jason’s new paralyzed friends or his new hipster tat. Then Suzy shows up at the party to comment on the tat she gave Jason, and suddenly Lila is his FIANCE again. Nice. Back at the Dateline house, Buddy is asking Julie to “join me in a pork chop” letting her know it’s “the other white meat”. Ick. The older/younger dynamic is far more awesome back at Neighbor Mom’s place where Riggins is having some tasty taco casserole. I love the entendre of Dillon. And wouldn’t you know it? Mom is single – my predictions of sex grow more likely correct.

It’s time for a montage of crazy however, as we go back to Austin where Lila is mocking quad rugby for not being high school football. The term “candyass” is thrown out somewhere, Lila is drunk, and I hate her more by the minute. Her drunk crazy has nothing on Waverly’s legit crazy when at the TasteeFreeze or whatever the non-Applebee’s place is that the kids hang out at. She starts quoting a Robert Hayden (sp?) and is practically making herself moist in the process. Clearly this is what Pastor was talking about. Crack is whack Waverly. Completing the bad girl trifecta, Julie has crawled out the window to hang out with the forbidden fruit that is Tyra at her house for a party. And its not a party until Landry shows up with Matt. Landry bitches! Respeck! The fun is short lived when Tyra’s depressed mom comes out all drugged up on pills and proceeds to sit on and smash a glass table. Bloody pants make the party.

Coach Taylor is having an “impressive” dinner with the good folks at Texas Muslim – he is a big fan of their jihad on the conference – and then Julie breaks up the party by having Tami come pick her up from the hospital where Tyra’s mom is at. The party is breaking up at Neighbor Mom’s place and on the way out Bo gives Tim his picture and Tim offers to fix “the rain gutters”. AWWW YEAH. Oh, and it turns out that Waverly isn’t just hot for black poetry – she’s bi-polar and off her meds.

Buddy Garrity is awaiting Coach Taylor like a woman scorned back at the Taylor house. Buddy apparently learned a trick from Magnum PI and deciphered from a note pad that Coach was meeting with TMU. Right here would have been a perfect place for Eric to punch him in the face and kick him the in fupa. Doesn’t happen. Instead Eric reminds him that instead of football coaches, maybe Buddy should work on saving his marriage. FACE! Continuing the Garrity misery, we return to Lila bitching about Jason “changing without her” and that is is “scary” now with his tats and sexy tattoo artist friends. Wah wah. Fuck you Lila. You aren’t half the person Tami is – Tami who is offering Tyra her love in her time of need and is cleaning up the bloody glass. Tyra needs the Taylors dammit – she never had a family that loved her! This is how things are on Panther’s Creek.  Tami will make Tyra her project. I hope to be Tami’s project someday myself.

Don’t think for a second that the personal implosion of Buddy Garrity is over. Coach Taylor continues to flaunt his family over football way of thinking – in Dillon of all places! – and Buddy continues to profess his love for high school boys in tight pants and pads over all else. At the Casa de Smash, Waverly is giving Smash a call for some boo-tay. Only, when Smash arrives, he see Waverly curled up crying in the kitchen. Now Smash has to think of someone besides Smash! Smash not know what to do! And rather than leave you on this down note, we return to the now Buddy-free Taylor house to learn that Coach got “the call” and has been offered the job at TMU. WHAT EVER WILL HE DO?!!?

No preview for next week either, the bastards. Join me again next week for another overly long discussion won’t you?



1. lingeringbursitis - Thursday, March 1, 2007

I wish I watched television because you make this show sound good.

2. chiswede - Friday, March 2, 2007

This show is sweet. And just as a link up to other posts in this blog, Sundance Head looks just like Buddy Garrity.

3. DougOLis - Saturday, March 3, 2007

If the show gets picked up next season he stays, if it doesn’t he leaves. Is that how these things work? I’m unfamiliar with the concept of TV so if you guys could bring some insight that would be great.

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