I leave you with a high top fade, an old Coogi sweater, and some impeccable harmonies. And, if you’ll follow me after the jump one more time, I’ll leave with you my goodbyes.

You hit play before you started reading this, right? DO IT. Ok, now pretend Coach Taylor is reading you these words.

Folks, it has been an absolute blast running this blog for the past two and a half years. I think that makes us in our mid-40s in blog years, but I’m not certain. As much as I’d like to take the time to thank everybody who has contributed here since we started in February of 2007, it’s just not possible because we’ve had a lot of freaking bloggers. We had nearly 30 when we launched and we’ve shuttled another 10 or so in and out the door since then. DeadOn was an insanely fun collaborative project and I’m extremely proud of the fact that a lot of our original writers are getting paid to do this now at some large, well known places. When you are surrounded by greatness, you have to raise you game, and I hope we were able to do that – even if just for a short time.

I’ve been going back through the archives over the past few days and it’s been great to see some of the old features that once were – Lost Haiku, Tied to the 90s, New Movie Fridays, Schrutebag of the Week, and, of course, The Black Donnellys. God bless you, Paul Haggis. We’ve had a few  semi-constants – MTV Reality, American Idol, Friday Night Lights, and the music posts. The countless music posts. They were kind of my impetus for organizing this whole thing. I’d like to thank our longtime commenter friend, apostles3, for his kind words on Monday. Somehow, this blog managed to get viewed well over one million times – thanks mostly to Matt and The Hills – but we know that a lot of those people came once and never came back. There are some regulars though, and to know that we had any impact on your life at all just blows my mind. If we introduced you to a new band, just ONE new band, that you love now, then I did my job here.

DeadOn was, ostensibly, a pop culture blog. The two true constants of this blog were music posts, though – Your Morning Rock and New Music Tuesday. As a former record store guy, Tuesday’s have always been special to me. I love shopping for new tunes and the rush of listening to a great record for the first time in your car or through your headphones. Yet, the real joy has been Your Morning Rock. It was my forum to share with you all the songs that I love, the songs that I sing from the top of my lungs in my car. Or in my shower. Or in my office. I believe in the power of music and I hope some of that rubbed off on you. I can’t just leave YMR alone forever though, and starting in a couple of weeks, you’ll be able to find me at www.YourMorningRock.com. It’s not going to be as constant as DeadOn, but it will provide you with a stream of good tunes and occasional musical commentary. I couldn’t leave you totally behind, could I? But, first, I’m gonna take a few weeks off of blogging, celebrate another birthday, watch some baseball, and mostly bust my ass for the non-profit that I work for.

Ultimately, the time to shut down DeadOn was simply here. I can admit that I lost my fire here a while back and I was just hanging on for old time’s sake. I didn’t have another summer of it in me. I never wanted the blog to just become a YouTube repository with little actual content, but we were starting to look just like that. So, thanks to Matt for keeping us afloat with The Hills. Thanks to Doug for handling 24. Thanks to SA for Scrubs. Thanks to Andy for his music posts. Thanks to JB and Mrs. JB for letting JB take part in our Roundtable. And thanks to all of you who chipped in over the years. I’m going to miss the old girl, but hopefully you’ll find me at my new home in June (remember, that’s YourMorningRock.com!) and we can continue to build whatever it is that we’ve built here. You can always find me over-tweeting at twitter.com/jerkwheatery as well.

So, thanks for all the memories folks. I’ve made some great friends through this little initiative of ours and I hope to continue collaborating with them in some fashion in the future. I didn’t really have much choice in the song that I’m going to leave you with. Enjoy one last round of “Timebomb” y’all.

In a show that had the return of BEWBS, a plethora of jaunty hats (in multiple colors, no less), and Alexis Grace’s return in thigh high Boots with a “Y’ALL MY PUSSY’S HANGING OUT” skirt (and bless her for that), the end game was all about the results.  And yes – Kris Allen FTW.

Surveying the response, it is… colorful.

First – one of the most noteworthy stories, out of Arkansas -

UPDATE:  Told ya so!  You heard it here first.  It was the Arkansas vote!!!  AT&T confirms 38 million votes from Arkansas alone.  There were 100 million votes total for both finalists.  Now that’s what I call Getting Out The Vote.  Congratulations Kris and family.

38 million votes, for a state of 3 million people. This deserves the ultimate Arkansas, Whut Whut from Jerkwheat, but since he is not around – I’ll do it for him.

The TelevisionWithOutPity forums are alive with feelings, but pulling two from the heap, “holly08″ is not taking this well:

Biggest bunch of FUCKING bullshit I have ever seen on tv in my life. I am done with this fucking show. Yea, Kris you won but you will have Adam outselling your white bread boring ass self in no time. Look at the Itunes sales. Adam is all over you.

“kirklandagain”, however, says the thing my teacher stepsisters probably say every morning:

and mediocrity wins again. good job America.

AOL Television is a forum I never should have entered.  I found myself saying speaking Web to my infant son for his second lullaby after reading it.

Patricia gets us off to an understated start here:

I was around when Elvis was in the same position as Adam…and I heard them say he would not last, either. ‘Nuff said.

Sure – the pressure of the 19 Entertainment was too much, but comparisons to Elvis, that’s cool.

Later on, “leekenobi” is evidently not a fan of our Roundtable:

I am proud to say that between Adam and Kris….I have never heard of either one of these assholes. Let’s face it, all of you American Idol zombies are fucking idiots who don’t know real music if it were to walk up and bite you in the arse. Good night!

And then we cut to the core of the matter for “Harry”:

I was a big fan of Adam but was turned off to him as a person once I saw the photos. But not because he was in drag. Not even because he was kissing another guy. Because of the way he came across in those photos. they were clearly directed at the camera; trashy, and attention-loving. Not cool. Humility is important if you are in this profession. Whether he intended it or not, that’s the way it came across. It’s off-putting if you look like you’re slobbering someone for the sake of how controversial looking the picture will be. Great that he’s pushing buttons…but bad form.

Obviously, he was voting for the American Role Model, not American Idol.

Harley, I hope, is female, like Harley Quinn:

Adam was ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just like Giles Marini last night on DWTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This week was just too much for some people to take.  They’ve overdosed on exclamation points.

Jamie will finish off our AOLSpeak -

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! America got it right. And no it’s not homophobia that won, it was a Christian that had PLENTY of prayers and God does answer them. I will say that a homosexual, way over the top, dramatic person like Adam, shoud never be considered a role model, much less an American Idol. America should not rally around such sinful behavior. And yes, we all sin, but the problem is most repent and know they’re wrong. Homosexuality is not recognized as a sin to those who live that lifestyle, therefore repentance never takes place, unless they totally turn away from that lifestyle and truly ask for forgiveness and do what is morally right, not in my eyes, the eyes of the Lord. LOVE YOU AMERICA

If God was calling in, no wonder no one else could get through.  He’s got some powers, ya know.

Finally, our old friend Andrea is now at Zap2It.com running fabulous recaps and LiveBlogs – seriously, check her out, especially since we are leaving a void in your life – and had some doozies in her recap of tonight’s results.

Kerry, kick us off!

Whaaaaaaattttttt?

And to punish him further, he has to sing that stupid song again!

That’s actually fair, though to note, they seemed to have adjusted it for him down a level.

Poor Josh just doesn’t know what to do:

BULL SHIT
May 20, 2009 7:03:17 PM

This show just lost all credibility!
May 20, 2009 7:04:32 PM

This show just Jumped the Shark. Kill it now. The crowd was not even into him. EPIC FAIL!
May 20, 2009 7:08:06 PM

Screechy?? Please..Kris sings out the side of his mouth like a chipmunk. Terrible!
May 20, 2009 7:12:04 PM

He has the final word here, too -

the gay boy lost, YES !!!!!
GOD | May 20, 2009 7:22:58 PM

So what does it all mean?  Nothing.  it is still just Non-Reality TV.  But at least now you’ve gotten to laugh at stupid people.

JB*

One last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer. 

So long as we’re closing this place down, let’s get some last shots in at the judges and the bizarre season which has passed.  THIS… is your American Idol recap.

Seacrest tried hard to drum up some drama and competition – the line of Conway versus California was the best – before introducing the judges, including the oddly orange Paula and Randy’s ugly tie.  At least there is no Michael Buffer and boxing montage.

OMG!  CARLY!!!!!!  If nothing else good comes from this site, maybe she’ll call me.  After the quick commercial break, – and a montage of Adam screaming – the finalists do their favorite performance of the season.

Adam Lambert – Mad World
Instant cool points for the “Rise-through-the-floor” rock show entrance, straight into line of the overwhelming blue light behind him.  This was a very subdued performance for Adam, but he is – just as the first time – perfect in the delivery.  Randy thought it was great to do one from the season, but wasn’t that the point of this segment?!?  A great performance, but it still strikes me as a song that doesn’t resonate with the majority of voters who have to get Mom’s permission to stay up for the three minutes of overrun of American Idol.  It didn’t matter last time, and likely won’t tonight, either.  I am happiest to not hear a shriek.

Kris Allen – Ain’t No Sunshine
Looking back at our notes from the Top 9 show, he was solid when performing it, earning such rave reviews from us as “This was good, not much else to say.”  Once again, that sums this up – he is behind the piano, doing the bulldance, feeling the music.  It is heart felt, it is great vocally, but it is not an ear grabbing tune.  I’d give a nod to Adam for the first performances, but Simon disagrees.

After commercials, they will perform creator Simon Fuller’s picks.  Night at the Museum 2 cannot be released soon enough.

Adam Lambert – A Change is Gonna Come
All suited up, this starts out much, much differently than we have heard Adam most of the season.  He is soulful (well, as soulful as a white boy can be), and I am enjoying his performance until he starts at it AGAIN, downright mocking himself with a few shrill notes, an O face or three, and some odd squatting thing in the middle of one of the last ‘comes” (no homo).  To boot, he looks punch-a-kitten angry with his delivery of the last line.

Kris Allen – What’s Going On?
Nice that Fuller kept them both in the R&B genre, unlike the crap judge’s picks last week.  Kris opens seated, acoustic guitar in hand, surrounded by select guys from the band playing guitar, the box, and giant bongos.  His use of a set-up similar to the Disco Week performance of “She Works Hard For The Money” serves him well – it “Allen-izes”, as Paula called it, the song, and let’s his YouthPastorness shine through.  A better job of “making it his own” than Adam did, though Simon again disagrees with me, referencing it to buddies strumming along at home.

At this point, does Paula serve any real value as a judge?  She is applauding everything as the best performance ever and spews her randomness.  She is just comedic value and knows Marvin Gaye is dead right?

Third and final round – Winner’s First Single, co-written by Kara.  This went disastrously two years ago, with the song selected handing the win to Jordin Sparks.  This year, it is a ditty called “No Boundaries”.

That is just the kind of song that leaves none of us surprised.  It is generic, vague, no message, random wordy lyrics about stepping forward and mountains and hurricanes and dreams and making it be and no limits to life.  I swear, next year I am predicting the actual words to the song and will probably get sixty percent right.

Adam Lambert – “No Boundaries”
This was generic, Creed-like, and I had no real connection to this performance.  The song was too little for him to perform in a rocking manner.  The best comparison I have would be if his dad picked a “rock” song for him to do tonight.  Plus, he may be wearing acid-wash jeans.  Kara just looks like she is afterglowing.  Clearly, the song was written with him in mind, and Simon does all but crown his ass with a reference to finding a real worldwide star. 

Kris Allen  – “No Boundaries”
Solo in front of the mic stand – not even a guitar – and he gives it an almost country-rocking feel (the new country, which is like weak rock, not real country).  He is well-suited to the verses, but he sounds like he is coming up short on the chorus.  His rendition is probably a better arrangement overall for the song – see the above on Adam – just not quite as polished.  Kara’s comments to say that he shouldn’t be judged on just this performance because it was too high is rather ridiculous since she wrote the freaking thing.  He is getting the brush-off from all of the judges – “take it in, enjoy this moment, you’ve built a great body of work this season”.  I know how that goes after my interview last week.

Damnit – Carrie Underwood comes on just as my DVR cuts off. 

The voters are almost certain to be out for Adam tonight, though DialIdol (as of 1 am) shows a very, very, very slight edge to Kris.  Much like most of the people I know, I find Adam to be the better performer, Kris the better singer, and according to Simon, it is a SINGING competition.  That said – Adam is the walking away winner tomorrow night.

DougOLis

Adam1 – I’m glad he chose “Mad World” as his song because it was by far my favorite performance by anyone this season. Haunting, beautiful and he sufficiently toned back the Adam falsetto whackiness. I’m not sure if it was better than the first time he did it but it was at least just as good.

Kris1 – Should have done “Falling Slowly.” Maybe I take that back; it was very good but it was a bit mush-mouthed. I really don’t have any major complaints other than that and it could be a successful single; maybe he actually has a chance at winning this thing but I still think this round easily goes to Adam.

Adam2 – Nice slow start and he destroyed that big glory note and the bridge. It was a bit over the top and shrieky for a couple of notes but he nailed it. I actually got a few chills when listening.

Kris2 – First reaction at the very start is complete cheese. I guess it wasn’t bad by any means but I never got over that initial “cheese-dick” reaction and I had the constant urge to slap him.

Adam3 – It was actually a bit pitchy for me in certain parts. And apparently Kara can’t even save the coronation song from being cheesy as all fuck; you m’am have not redeemed herself. He did fine with it; I’m not going to hold it against him.

Kris3 – Kind of boring and had an awkward pacing. Tough song for him as it seems to be more suited to Adam. He should have stripped it way down (ala Ted Leo on Since U Been Gone), but I’m really not going to hold it against him.

Adam was better on the night and better on the season as a whole (he really never had any horrible moments). Adam needs the Idol title way more than Kris, who should be fine and likely more commercially successful, and I think he’ll get it. I still think his future is better suited to Broadway than the radio though; I just can’t hear him being successful on stations that cater to the Idol base (they’ll get annoyed quickly) or rock stations where he might actually be successful (annoyed going in). I see positive things for Kris and Allison though.

I gotta say that even though Carrie Underwood was hot as always, that performance and song kind of sucked. Thanks all for letting me participate in these recaps and reading along, it’s been a blast.

Matt_T

First, let me say, it was a pleasure doing these roundtables with you guys.  You are gentlemen and scholars.

Adam 1 – I was guessing he’d do Zepplin again so he could do the rock scream thing, but Mad World was a great choice.  I wonder if he thought that would win him more votes?  But a good performance, other than the super emo goth trenchcoat and dry ice, but whatever, he’s camp, so that’s that.

Kris 1 – Heartless was his best song all season, but I guess 2 weeks in a row would have been too much.  This was my second favorite Kris performance of the year, so a good choice.  I don’t think it was as good as the first time he did it, but it doesn’t really matter.  At this point people know who they want to win.

Adam 2 – Interesting song choice from Mr. Fuller.  Adam did his usual thing with this, sounded good, did his yelling and fin. 

Kris 2 – What’s Going On is I can see Kris having a pretty big following with the Jack Johnson crowd.  I could see this being a hit amongst the college set, put on the Kris Allen record and play some ultimate frisbee.

So, the whole point of bringing Kara in was to make the show more modern and pop relevent.  Well I’d say that was a big fat FAIL.  Her and the cowriters, managed to write a song just as bad as the past couple years.  Shouldn’t when they get down to the last 6 or so, maybe write songs for each performer’s style?  These stupid inspirational ballads don’t work for guys like Adam or Blake Lewis. 

Adam 3 – This wasn’t a very good performance, but I can’t totally blame him, the song sucks.  He did with it what he could, but he did have some pitch issues.  Which is to be somewhat expected on the third song, in front of millions of folks

Kris 3 – Kris did better with this song, but its more in his wheelhouse.

I’m with JB*, Adam needs the win more than Kris does.  The judges think that Adam is what they need to stay current, so it will be interesting to see what happens if he does win. We could see a similar situation to last year, when we all thought Archie had it won and Cook surprised everyone.

Wrap-Up

The consensus appears to be Adam; DialIdol still gives this nod by a point to Kris, but everytime Mrs.JB called for him, she got through with no problem.

Thank you all for joining us this year – though it was another season which dragged on at times, we’ve all enjoyed bringing the recaps and a LiveBlog full of in-jokes and random shouts of BEWBS!  Most of us can be found on the InterWebs elsewhere, so let’s make the jokes all over again next year.

The Following Takes Place Between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 A.M.

1. Olivia gets questioned by the Deputy Attorney General (not good enough for the actual AG?) about the death of Hodges and gets defensive.
2. Woods tells the President that the leak on Hodges had to have come from within the White House. Dundundun. Cue the scary movie music.
3. The President convenes her cabinet and the joint chiefs of staff and tells them that the FBI obtained the last canister of the bioweapon, but there is still a group at large who orchestrated the attacks.
4. Jack’s RUNNING OUT OF TIME DAMMIT as Hot Bad Girl tells him he needs to spring Tony soon.
5. The guy watching over Kim is forced to move his laptop (didn’t anyone at the airport find the webcam on Kim to be suspicious anyway?) and she gets a bit curious. Exhibitionist there much Kim? She notices a cut on his neck and his “wife” makes a lame excuse, but Kim gets even more suspicious.
6. Jack commandeers the transport van without much of a fight from 3 other FBI agents. WTF? That was far too easy. Jack tells Renee that they have Kim and Tony gets testy when he starts giving up details.
7. They break off from the convoy and meet up with Hot Bad Girl. Tony cuffs Renee and the 2 other FBI agents to the van and takes Jack with him. He wants to use Jack to harvest new bioweapons. Ummm, okay? That seems somewhat infeasible.
8. Kanin meets with Aaron Pierce and Aaron tells him of his suspicions that Olivia ordered the hit on Jon Voight. Kanin agrees to help him access the secret audio recordings of her conversation with Martin. I really hope Aaron doesn’t go down for this.
9. Olivia gets out of her questioning with the Attorney Generals’ offices and confronts Kanin in her office. She acts like a giant bitch to him and then gets even bitchier when she realizes that her conversations were being recorded and Kanin took them. Shouldn’t she be grateful that he could be helping?
10. Kim is alerted by Renee that she’s being watched and in danger. She runs a bit of cover but then the couple realizes that they’re being closed in on by airport security. The woman takes Kim hostage and the man begins a shootout. Kim stabs the women with a pen to her leg and then security kills her. The man makes a run for it and Kim follows after him. Old habits die hard?
11. Ha, Kanin says the same phrase to Olivia in the next scene. Olivia tries to force him to hand over the data card with the audio recordings and he resists. She gets even more bitchy and has him arrested and searched saying that her mom shouldn’t be involved due to her relationship with him.
12. Aaron escorts him out and it looks like Aaron was holding on to the real card; the one Olivia has is a fake. He passes it back to Kanin who says he’ll let him know what he finds.
13. Jack is taken into a triage facility in a warehouse and strapped down and given a sedative. He looks so sad and pathetic lying immobile on the table. Tear.
14. Tony tells Hot Bad Girl that he wants more responsibility and a higher position in the organization. He says that nothing that day would have happened without him and he wants a meeting with the head dude. Maybe Tony’s actually good and he’s doing all this just to get to the head guy? I continue to hold on to hope that Tony’s actually good.
15. Jack gets a spinal tap. Brutal.
16. Olivia calls Martin and he says everything is going to be fine as long as she stays cool. Woods interrupts and says the President is requesting her to go over the Tony/Jack situation, but he also seems quite suspicious of her.
17. Renee and the FBI team show up at the airport and a shot security guard is pretty much worthless in providing information.
18. Kim follows the bad dude into a baggage storage container area. Why didn’t she bring a gun? She finds a policeman and she tells him that she needs to speak to Renee.
19. Bad husband/stalker steals a car and drives at Kim and the 2 policemen while shooting out the window one handed. He kills one of the policemen and seems to hit the other one as well. Pretty badass actually. The surviving policeman shoots erratically all over the place and happens to land a shot in the bad guy’s jugular. He crashes the car.
20. Kim pulls his laptop from the burning vehicle and catches on fire a bit herself. She proves herself not entirely worthless as she tells Renee how they can use it to track Tony.
21. Kanin loads the real data card into an audio player in his car and miraculously fast forwards to the exact incriminating audioclip.
22. Tony asks the doctor about how long Jack has to live and if the virus can survive once he’s dead and what it will take to destroy it. I get the sense that he may actually be worried about Jack; I am forever the optimist.
23. Hot Bad Girl calls the head bad guy (Alan) and tells him of the developments and she thinks they should give Tony more responsibility. Alan agrees to meet with him at their warehouse.
24. As the doctors remove Jack’s restraints in order to put him on a gurney, Jack wakes up and attacks killing all 3 doctors who were attending him. Jack makes a run for it and makes it outside. Tony and Hot Bad Girl follow.
25. It got light outside really quick there. Renee tells Kim that they don’t have any progress. Kim says THEY’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
26. Jack tries to steal a cab (and I think blow himself and Tony up at the same time) but Tony gets to him first and takes him back into custody.
27. Aaron brings Kanin back in to see Olivia and you can see the disappointment in her on his face. She actually does seem a bit sad to have let him down too.
28. Kanin tells Olivia that he wants her to bring the details to her mother and let her decide how to proceed.
29. Jack gets angry with Tony.
30. Woohooo, Tony’s not so bad afterall! I was kind of right about him using this just to get to the head guy (albeit different motives). Turns out Alan was the man behind Charles Logan, the assassination of David Palmer, and the death of Michelle. Big news but not all that surprising.
31. Tony goes off on Jack saying that he’s the one that saved all the lives today and not Jack, and Jack nearly screwed it all up. Jack begs to differ, especially since Tony almost launched a biological attack on the train station. Tony straps a bomb to Jack and tells him that he’s going to be the one to kill Alan. Copout there Tony. Be a man and do it yourself.
32. Alan shows up and Tony and Hot Bad Girl go to meet him. His security team frisks them (I was frisked longer at the airport in Germany) and then finally approves the meet. Alan forces Tony to stay at a distance as they bring Jack out.
33. As they start to discuss Jack, the FBI raids the warehouse compound. Alan and the Hot Bad Girl go off into hiding in one direction, Jack hides in another, and the FBI team and Alan’s security team have a gun battle.
34. Renee rides on the side of an SUV shooting people like she’s on a Roman chariot. She does a somersault off, kills another guy in the process, finds Jack, and disarms the bomb. Pretty badass. They chase after Tony, who in turn is chasing after Hot Bad Girl and Alan.
35. Tony catches up to Hot Bad Girl and Alan and when she runs up him in joy, he puts a bullet in her gut.  Tony takes Alan and confronts him about what it took to get to him and him ordering the hit on Michelle. Awww, it turns out Michelle was pregnant with a boy at the time she was killed too. Poor Tony. Gut wrenching scene by him there.
36. Renee and Jack rush in just as Tony is going to kill Alan, and they shoot him in a couple of peripheral limbs to stop him. Tony is taken away and I actually feel pretty bad for him. He yells at Jack basically calling him a pussy for running away and not taking out vengeance. Maybe he wasn’t acting in the holding cell way back towards the start of the season when he got Jack to spring him free.
37. Alan is taken into custody and Renee gets upset with him about Moss. She says if he gives up the names of his other co-conspirators he might be able to save himself. He says he knows nothing of any conspiracy. Renee is pissed.
38. Jack gets treated by some medics and then Renee visits him. She says that Alan is denying everything and it’s possible they won’t be able to create any strong evidence. She says she can do something to make him talk and he says he would do whatever it takes. He says he regrets nothing he’s done that day, but he also doesn’t work for the FBI and he didn’t take an oath to uphold the law. He tells her that he would do anything to save as many lives as possible and to make choices she can live with. He’s wheeled away from her as she starts crying. Fabulous scene there.
39. Olivia gathers her parents and tells them that Hodges is dead because of her. Mommy dearest is pissed at Olivia but the First Gentleman wants his wife to be lenient and help protect her daughter. He basically says that Roger is dead because of her and she shouldn’t let another one of their children be punished as well.
40. The President is taken off to probably get word about Alan, Tony, et al.
41. Chloe and Janeane Garofolo make up, thanking each other in their own awkward ways. Chloe’s shifty eyes and saying “it was, uhh, interesting” was pretty hilarious. Damn Mary Lynn Rajskub is tall; either that or Janeane Garofolo is really short. Just realized they probably knew each other from the Mr. Show days as well. Farewell Chloe
42. The President looks at a picture of her family and starts crying.
43. Jack is in a hospital bed at the FBI and gets the bad news from the doctor about how little time he has left.
44. Jack gets a visit from the Muslim spiritual leader from earlier and he starts crying while showing regret for everything he’s done. He gets comfort from him for showing his regret and they pray together. Jack says, “It’s time.” Fuck, I hope not.
45. The President comes back to Olivia and the First Gentleman and hugs and kisses them. She apologizes for the burdens that the job has provided but she still refuses to help cover up Olivia’s actions. Aaron escorts Olivia into federal custody.  The First Gentleman is pissed.
46. The President begins crying in solitude and gains some comfort from Kanin. She brings him back on as her Chief of Staff and asks for his help with the issue of Alan Wilson.
47. Alan is taken into a FBI holding chamber but Renee has trouble signing the official transfer papers. Janeane Garofolo tells her to do it and let justice and the courts finish the process. She refuses to and handcuffs Janeane Garofolo to a pole. She hands over her badge and goes in to visit Alan. Wait, what the fuck is going on? This is weird. Why’d she make a motion to the door with her head? Did Alan’s disposition change because he knows her or because he just realized she’s reached Jack levels of crazy?
48. Kim rushes to see her dad but they induced him in a coma. The Muslim guy tells her he has accepted his fate, but she says she hasn’t. She asks the doctor if they can still do the stem cell treatment. Yes, they can. She goes in to see him and says she’s not ready to let him go.

 Um, wow, so that was eventful. And inconclusive. Way to leave us on multiple cliffhangers 24; you were always the one show that wrapped things up (for the most part). So I guess we’re left with the following questions: Where does the show go from here? Is it going to start out immediately from where it left off? Will Jack live? Will Kim live? What is Renee going to do Alan Wilson? Is she not the heir apparent to Jack as it was seemingly being setup? Will CTU return? What happens to Tony? Is Olivia going down? Do I care? Is the President going down? Is anyone else in the cabinet involved? Woods? Did we ever actually get who the member of her inner circle was?

Thanks all (just Matt?) for reading along and I hope you enjoyed this season as much as I did. It’s been a blast. Thanks to Jerkwheat for letting me write these things even though it was probably a big factor in the blog’s demise. Farewell and see you around the other parts of the interwebs. DougOLis out.

Hit the jump and we’ll talk about the day one more time…

Iron and Wine – Around The Well
The keeper of the finest beard in all of the land provides us with another round of soothing acoustic quiet. And this is probably the only one I’m getting this week.

Tori Amos – Abnormally Attracted To Sin
Hey, look! Tori Amos is back. Again. I’m going to try to muster up the courage to care much.

Eminem – Relapse
Nope. Still can’t muster up the desire to give a flying fuck.

Jarvis Cocker – Further Complications
Ok, I’m starting to feel a bit of a fight in me again. We’ve got something that has stirred up interest back up.

Oak Ridge Boys – The Boys Are Back
OH HELLS YES!!! WOOO! Ok, so I’m just gonna download “7 Nation Army”, but it’s better than nothing right?

And so we go our separate ways…for New Music Tuesday on DeadOn. Let’s chat, if you care to.

The White Tie Affair is shooting a video and Audrina and her coworker are there to help out.  Audrina reminds us that the guitarist hit it off with Stephanie and Audrina thinks Chris the singer was cute.  Audrina tells Chris that Stephanie is coming by and he says the guitarist will be happy.  They look like some pop emo band.  Audrina says that band guys are so promiscuous.  Steph comes boppin in and the band comes over.  They are staying in town for the weekend and want to hang out with the girls.  Of course they do.

Time for Spencer to meet Dad.  And Bill comes in wearing a cowboy hat and a fantastic moustache.  He gives Spencer a big hug when he meets him.  Spencer retells the story that Molly Montag told him about Heidi.  Heidi had an 8 year old boyfriend and told her Dad, and her Dad told the 8 year old he’d rip out his esophagus if he hurt Heidi.  Charming.  He wants to know about the elopment and Spencer blames it on the Al al al al alco hol.  Bill asks when they are going to get married and Spencer says he wants his approval first.  Smart move, especially once Bill says that he brought his shotgun with him.  Spencer brings up Darlene, and Heidi says that Spencer reminds Darlene of Bill.  Spencer says that Darlene got mad because of his fight with Cameron.  Spencer tells Bill what happened and Bill approves.  You gotta stand up for your family.  He wants to take Spencer out shooting guns and killing rattlesnakes.  I bet Bill is a big Chipper Jones fan.

Brody and LC are out to eat and he asks what’s up with Steph at her job.  LC gives him the low down and OMG she has to fire Steph.  Brody says that’s another I TOLD YOU SO.  Nobody likes a know it all Brody.  He tells Lauren this is going to ruin her friendship with Stephanie.

Audrina and Steph head out to meet Chris and Sean the guitarist.  They ask where they live and Audrina says The Hills.  wocka wocka.  The guys love LA and want to move in with the girls.  Audrina goes to the bar with Chris, and Sean asks Stephanie whats up Audrina, if she’s single and Steph says that she never really knows with Audrina.  He asks if Steph is, and she says she’s dating.  When she asks Sean, he says that he has something going on, but there’s temptation on the road, and when Steph presses, he admits that he has a live in girlfriend.  Whoops.  Steph is creeped out, so as soon as Audrina comes back, they leave.

Bill and Spencer go for a walk along the beach.  They make some small talk and Bill wants to know what Spencer’s intentions are.  He cakcles and says, WORLD DOMINATION.  No, not really, he wants to have happy ever after with Heidi.  Bill says that’s good, because if he hurts Heidi, that’s why God invented Colt 45s.  They have a nice chat and Spencer asks about marrying her.  Bill does give his approval, but reminds him again that he owns a big gun.  (that’s what she said?)

Off to People’s Revolution, and Stephanie is still employed…for the moment… and she’s late, she says there was a big wreck.  LC gives her the patented eye roll.  And Lauren then looks around and gives Stephanie some long winded speech about firing her.  Right in the middle of the floor.  Not even in a conference room.  I guess this makes for better tv.  Stephanie starts crying, and boo hoo, I lost my fake job.  LC pretends to be sad, and gives Steph a hug when she leaves.  Well that was awkward.  And predictable.

Stephanie called Heidi to meet her and she’s boohooing.  Heidi wants to know why, and Stephanie says that Kelly had Lauren fire her.  Steph also told her about the creepster dude in the band.  Heidi says that she’s sorry that Steph is having such a bad time, because Heidi is having such a great time.  Nice!  She’s so happy that Spencer is getting along with Bill.  Steph asks Heidi how Lauren firing her was going to affect her friendship with Stephanie.  That’s an odd question.

Flash to Lo and LC out talking about it too and LC is surprised that Stephanie cried, she doesn’t think she’s made anyone cry before.  Lo tells her not to worry, she let her down and so LC had to do what she had to.

Off to some park and Spencer and Heidi go on a Ferris Wheel.  It looks like they are the only ones in the park.  They stop up at the top and Heidi wants to know why.  “Because your man knows people babe”  BARF BARF.  He tells her that he asked Bill if he could marry her.  Heidi is shocked, and Spencer wants to know what she thinks about it now.   Heidi says things got worse when they got fake married.  And Spencer has steps to take before then, apologize to Mom and LC and she wants a princess wedding and blah blah blah.  Spencer says he is ready to apologize to Lauren and her mom.  He says the only thing they are missing is a ring, and woah he has one.  He wants to know if she’ll marry him.  She says, with this ring, yes.  Oh lovely.  Its her favorite thing ever now.  She’s all OMG, and I’m all BARF.

That’s it for this week.  And according to the commercials, Lauren only has 2 episodes left.

But I am done.  DeadOn is retiring from the internets.  Thanks everyone who read, or just wanted to know what song was playing.  And thanks to Chris for allowing me to do this.

Play me off keyboard cat:

This is gonna be the last week for good ol’ DeadOn. Now now, hold back your tears, please. The time has come, and frankly, we know it might even be a little overdue. We’re gonna take a little time to reflect over the next few days – one last Hills recap, one final trip around the Roundtable – and we’ll have the expected overly sentimental post come Friday.

I love you all a little too much, but we’re all going down this week.

JB*

Hometown Heroes are different from Higgleytown Heroes, just to be clear.  This is the week of the most fluff of all,

Danny Gokey – “Dance Little Sister” by Terrence Trent D’Arby
In his home stint, Gokey admitted to not knowing this song which Paula chose for him, but he performs it like most every other Gokey stint along the way.  He his high energy, and seems to be feeling the music, but it seems he is forced to dance – as if I was going to be performing Bobby Brown or something (there’s your Kara-relevancy comment for the night).  For some reason, he has the large man with a saxophone do a solo, and skats along with it.  His singing was spot-on, as he almost always is (save for last week).

Simon is copping a feel on Paula and Kara has an Alexis Biedel look going.  Just a normal week on Idol.

Kris Allen – “Apologize” by One Republic
Randy and Kara chose it for him to give him the “moment”, which he may have been lacking this year.  He is behind the piano to open, and it does not appear to be his ideal setting for him.  Come the chorus, the background singers almost take him over.  but he comes back in the second verse.  Solid performance, and the slowness is iffy for him – he feels sapped of the energy which has made him endearing.  I didn’t love it, and neither did Kara – which hurts since she picked the dang thing.  Simon calls her out on it, too, which was awesome.

Do you think he feels awkward when he sees “Kiss Me Kris” signs in the crowd when his wife is in the front row?  Or is the YouthPastor smile enough to melt her heart and forgive him?

Adam Lambert – “One” by U2
Simon selected it since it is one of his favorites, and Bono himself cleared it.  He is bathed in the Blue Screen of Death – oh, just bad lighting all around him.  He played the open perfectly, melodically and letting his pure singing carry the song, but then, of course, got a little screechy in that Adam Lambert-way.  I seriously don’t get this.  If he had stayed a little lower in his range, it would have been absolutely perfect, but he just HAD to throw the squeal.  Randy voiced a similar displeasure, and Simon actually booed him.  Paula’s witticism of “It is one brilliant song, one superb performance, and one American Idol I am staring at right now” was a bit much even for them this year.

Carrie Underwood is just hot.  And stuff about Idol Gives Back.  Now we’re into the Artist Choice performances.  Everything is fair game, so let’s see how they do.

Danny Gokey – “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker
Gokey is rocking the stool, surrounded by five members of the band on string instruments.  Quiet, simple, stripped down performance.  It was pure vocals, and the judges all loved it.  The problem is as a voter, I don’t think I am going to feel that overwhelming urge to vote for him based on it.

Kris Allen – “Heartless” by Kanye West
Wow.  This is going to be… different.  This time, he does what the judges wanted – a stand-up, guitar performance.  Acoustic Kanye – unique.  He was way into the song, and it was good.  Definitely more memorable than Gokey, and while in the same vein as the Fray’s version, I’d call it a little better sounding (though not as good as Sam Lloy’d s Hey Ya on Scrubs – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXGqfmUsE7M).  I am kind of crushing on his wife, also.  He definitely boosted his case after the flat version of Apologize.

Adam Lambert – “Cryin” by Aerosmith
Crap, I think my DVR is going to cut out again.  Does Kara know where the song comes in the Aerosmoth chronology now?  For once, Adam’s shriek will be in line with the original… and of course, he throws it in there plenty of times.  Gawd, I get tired of writing about this guy.  Charismatic, performance-driven, shrieky at points, lather, rinse, repeat.

Simon tossed in some comments about how not everyone should assume Adam is through and vote.  Gee, driving the votes, folks?

Predictions -
In my opinion, it should be Kris and Adam through to the Finals, but the voting may turn into Danny and Adam.  The judges were especially annoying this time around, as well

Matt_T

We’re down to the end so lets just jump into it.
 
Danny – I have to admit, I’m not too familiar with this song either.  The sax bit was distracting as was the dancing.  Like JB* said, it was a Gokey performance through and through.  If you like him, you liked this.  I’m not a Danny fan, so I didn’t.
 
Kris – Randy and Kara basically said, we want to manufacture a cheap moment for Kris incase he does make it to the finals and throw a wrench into the Adam/Danny pairing that everyone thought it would be months ago.  Apologize is a trite terrible song, but Kris did fine with it.  I could see him doing quite well with either as a Jack Johnson/John Mayer type or with a band like The Fray.  He does have that soft rock appeal
 
Adam – Simon made sure to point out that he ringed up Bono and got the OK for the song.  So not only is Bono pretentious, but so is Simon.  And its a great choice for pretentious Adam.  I am not a U2 fan, but not bad from Adam, he showed some restraint when he could have shrieked through the whole song.
 
The judges were absolutely awful tonight.  I got a chuckle when Ryan had to remind them the show is about the contestants, not them.  They definitely made themselves the center of attention last night, with the bickering and talking over each other.  I think they’re as tired of this season as the rest of us.
 
Danny part 2 – Of couse Danny picks a schlocky ballad.  So predicatable, and so boring.  Of course the audience and judges loved it.
 
Kris part 2 – Heartless by Kanye?  Now we are talking.  When he first said that, I cringed, but you know what?  It was pretty damn good.  I like the accoustic remakes of hip hop songs (see Marie Digby’s cover of Umbrella) and Kris did a good job.  He deserves to go through to the finals just for that.  He went out on a limb and not only did he manage to do a song that came out in the past 10 years, he did one that came out last year, put his own spin on it and did it well.
 
Adam part 2 – He goes with Cryin’ by Aerosmith.  I wonder if this is supposed to be an insult to Danny?  Typical Adam performance.  And Simon’s vote pandering for Adam was gross.
 
My hope is for a Kris/Adam final, but unfortunately, I think we’ll get the two divas, Adam and Danny.  But hey, Katy Perry is performing tonight.  Giggity.

Jerkwheat

Danny X 2: I liked the idea of a Terrance Trent D’Arby song. And I
like to idea of lesser known catalog tracks. Together though, not so
much. Not much to really comment on here, just a typical loud Gokey
performance. The judges keep pimping a Gokey/Lambert finale in their
own little way, but this seems like a bit of song sabotage here
against a favorite son. The less said about his leaving pieces of “You
Are So Beautiful” in his stool, the better. As my fellow tablemates
have said, it’s exactly what you’d expect from Gokey at this point -
glasses and schlocky midwestern appeal. And, as a former-Midwesterner,
this irks me.

Kris X 2: At least they did my fellow Arkansan a solid by giving him a
recognizable song that was actually successful in the past few years,
even though OneRepublic is just a studio chief’s version of “Like the
Fray – BUT EDGY! We’ll use beats!”. This was a competent version of a
shitty song. The judge’s choices, predictably, are weak thus
far.HOWEVAH – my God did Kris make use of his own choice. Picking
“Heartless” was pretty much this season’s version of David Cook’s
version “Always Be My Baby”. This was the first real memorable
performance that I would actually download this season. I’m not sure
if it’s enough to put him in over the Gokey-bot, but it should be.

Adam X 2: Big shrieky note. Rinse. Repeat. I am convinced that Adam’s
true calling is that of world famous drag queen rather than soon to be
forgotten pop singer. Dude coulda been RuPaul famous instead of Taylor
Hicks famous. I just don’t see the mainstream pop appeal here. He is
very talented, yes. But this just seems like the wrong arena. I’ve
said it before, I know, but I just don’t get the fascination and
belief that he can be an actual commercial success. I’ve been wrong
about a lot of things before though.

So, we all agree that it SHOULD be Kris/Adam. It’s PROBABLY
Danny/Adam. Guess we’ll find out…….AFTER THE BREAK.

LC and Stephanie are out to eat and Steph is wearing heels to impress Kelly, but Lauren says she can do flats.  Steph is so0000oooo stressed about work, her fake job, that she needs to go on a manhunt.  Lauren laughs at her and sez she shouldn’t quit stressing about work and a manhunt is nice but work is more important.  I guess Lauren did learn her lesson from Jason.  Stephanie says she met some guy named Rrrrrroberrrrrrto, yes she pronounced it like that.  Steph spaces out, and she says she was thinking about him and she really likes him.

Kimberly and Heidi are at lunch but they only have 12 days left on the project.  But I guess they have time to have lunch.  Whatever.  Heidi says that Stacie texted her and wants to meet to talk.  Kimberly says that Heidi should meet her and try to end it.  Heidi calls her the devil or something stupid like that.

At People’s Revolution Lauren is steaming clothes while Steph gets pen on herself.  She asks LC about the shoot tomoorrow.  Its at Smashbox and Lauren is nervous, but excited about working with Lo.  Aww, bff!  LC wants Stephanie to help her get her stuff ready for the show but Steph keeps getting distracted.  Then her cellphone rings.  And No Diggity starts playing in the office and some other girl looks over pissed.  Stephanie starts laughing to herself and answers and its Roberto.  Steph is so overly bad at her job its like she’s trying to look bad at her fake job.  While Steph starts cooing at Rrrooooberrto Lauren has to leave.  I bet Steph screws up what LC asked her to do.

Audrina’s working a showcase for the band The Script.  Her boss comes running in and she’s happy with how Audrina has handled things.  Its a big showcase for them.  Audrina promises a big crowd.  She makes sure the lights are properly trained on the stage and gives the band some words of encouragement before they go on.  Audrina does seem good at her fake job.  Well until she  just answered her phone during the concert.  Whoops.  And what do you know, it just so happens to be JustinBobby.  So awful.  Audrina tries to get off the phone but JB wants to talk, she says she’ll jsut see him tomorrow.

Off to Smashbox for a photoshoot.  Lo is working.  And she welcomes Lauren from ‘People’s Rev’  Lo’s boss wants 4 looks from them.  They start to open the bags and what do you know, something is missing.  And its Steph’s fault.  She calls Steph, and she’s on her lunchbreak with Rrrroobberrrto.  Lauren wants to know where the stuff is.  Steph wants to know if she should have someone bring them to her, but she’s having her lunch break.    Lauren says no, don’t worry about it I’ll just figure it out.  Nice guilt trip.

Heidi goes to meet Stacie at the bar.  Stacie wants to make amends, and says its stupid.  That they were so mean to each other and didn’t know each other.  But Heidi doesn’t want to hear it, she said if Stacie did want to do that she shouldn’t have been texting Spencer.  This goes down really fast and they start insulting each other.  And they are both done with each other.  Or something.  I don’t know or care.

Joaquin Phoenix lookalike JustinBobby is waiting for Audrina.  She plops down and launches into this speech and tells him its completely over.  She starts to leave and JB follows and says she can’t say what she wants and he can’t respond.  They start arguing.  And this is even stupider than the Heidi Stacie fight.  They yell at each other and storm off.

Audrina goes to meet Stephanie and says they fought the whole time and she was so upset.  I’m lost but why is she mad at JB?  Stephanie says she’ll go back to him, she always will.  But Audrina says no way, she keeps picturing all the bad shit he’s done.  Steph asks Audrina how her work is and Audrina says its fine.  And Audrina wants to know about Steph and People’s Revolution.  Steph says that yesterday wasn’t her best day.  Well at least she realized she screwed up on her fake job.

Off to Speidi’s place and Spencer is playing with his phone.  Heidi wants to know what he’s doing.  He’s twittering.  TWITTER YALL.  Heidi tells him that she went down there and talked to Stacie, and then they start yelling at each other, and whatever, they’re married now, so it will work out.

Off to People’s Revolution, and Steph comes in and apologizes.  Lauren says that she missed a rack and the client needed those neutrals.  Steph says that she’ll tell Kelly it was all her fault.  And LC says that it doesn’t matter, its on Lauren.  And Kelly comes in at that point.  And she asks to see Lauren, Stephanie pipes up and asks if she should come.  Kelly gives her a curt No.  Kelly asks LC what happened, and Lauren says that they were missing a couple pieces but they had them messaged over.  Kelly wants to know why Steph didn’t do it.  Lauren says that she was on her lunch break.  Kelly laughs and says she hasn’t had a lunch break in 5 years.  She tells Lauren that someone has to pay and Lauren has to fire Steph.  Lauren looks sad.  I don’t know why, its in the script.  Lauren comes out and Steph goes OMGGGGG HOW BAD WAS IT.  Lauren doesn’t really say much.  But Kelly said she had to go by the end of the week.  Oh no!  What’s gunna happen?

Check the Quarter Pole archives for past editions, and click the jump to read this one.

I’m burying the lede this time: My favorite songs are at the bottom of the page.

Video of the Quarter

KiD CuDi, “Day N Nite”

Kudos to Cudders and Co. for allowing the embed of this gem. The handclaps and bloop-bloop of the beat keep this stoner’s soliloquy rambling on, and the cool that oozes out of the unconventional delivery make this a glide of a song, and the semi-cartoonish video fits it perfectly. As visually involving as the source material is sonically different, this video burnishes CuDi’s cred as your favorite blogger’s favorite Kanye affiliate. (By your favorite blogger, I don’t mean me.

Vocal Performance of the Quarter, Rap

5. Drake and Lil Wayne, “Ignorant Shit”

I’ve been all over this beat since it was on American Gangster, but the Martian and Toronto’s finest youngster requisition and receive part of the title deed to the beat on this nearly five-minute clinic. Drake claims to be “still spittin’ that shit that they shot ‘Pac over/The shit my mama looked shocked over,” boasts that he’s “the one twice over/I’m the new eleven,” and makes “One touch, I can make the drapes and the sheers change/And show me the city that I without fear claim” sound as epic as T.S. Eliot. But the best lines are his girl-baiting barbs: “My song is your girlfriend’s waking-up ringer/Or alarm or whatever/She be here six in the morn if I let her” and a crudely creative use of beaver and dam. Weezy, of course, proceeds to float off into the ether, croaking “I’m a cheesehead,” rhyming “retarded” with “recording” with “C4ing” with “currency foreign” with “league they aren’t,” and generally tapping the genius of his headiest mixtape days with rejoinders like “So fly I’ma take off when I leap/Bye/And you can suck my wings/Stand on my money/Headbutt Yao Ming” on a sprawling verse that manages to name-check Siegfried and Roy, Tila Tequila, Roy Jones Jr. and Vince Lombardi. It’s every bit what its title suggests, a turn from the Jay-Z version, but it’s every bit as lyrically impressive.

4. Crooked I, “I’m Still An MC”

The West Coast’s newest last hope rides a maelstrom of synths, constructs a Jesus-God-Jah-godfather lineage in his first verse, dumps “Seventeen shots/I call the bullets flying guillotines” in the middle of the second, and raps, “Crooked’s a classic like every song Biggie made/Somethin’ like Jigga when him and Eminem was renegades.” He almost makes you believe it, too, finally putting a defiant hook on a song that celebrates his cerebral verses and the creativity it takes to pull off things like that Karrine Steffans line.

3. Royce da 5’9″, “Slaughter”

Though Nickel is all over the place here, he commands this barebones beat and throws a quotable (or seven) in every eight-bar chunk of genius. The “fear year,” Asher Roth, and Ashton Kutcher lines are all corundum-hard, and this should serve notice that Royce’s third entry in the Bar Exam mixtape series will be one of the year’s best albums.

2. Lloyd Banks, “Officer Down”

If Rick Ross is a correctional officer, as was the main thrust of the 50 Cent crew in the dying Ross/Curtis beef, Banks became a cop-killer when he disembodied Ross on this beat. His breathy growl rumbles above the beat’s wobbling and around its bells (humorously, one Nah Right commenter mentioned that Banks would be wise to stop rapping over the Fable 2 soundtrack), systematically savaging his opponent with multisyllablic rhymes and brutal punchlines, stuttering for effect and occasionally slowing to drop a killer quotable like “30 cities, 30 shooters/We’re like the NBA.” “I’m on another planet,” Banks explains, adding “50 bodied you/I just laid the chalk down” to the funeral pyre. This beat was, in my mind, never really a competition (both 50 and Ross have albums out soon), but, should an actual battle have transpired, Banks could have spit this and dropped the mic, setting the stage ablaze and incinerating the bystanders frozen with mouths agape. It’s that powerful a package of lyrical dynamite.

1. Slaughterhouse, “Move On (Remix)”

By adding high-concept to their usually phenomenal lyricism, the Vonnegut Minus One crew came up with a piece of hip-hop that both soars linguistically and affects emotionally. Royce recants his squashed beef with Eminem; Joe Budden talks about his struggles to come up with a career after “Pump It Up”; Crooked laments the state of the West Coast; Joell Ortiz affirms his authenticity and slaps at invasive media. It’s more than the lyrical show played straight that these four can churn out; this song is a story with four parts, and one of the better ones of 2009.

Beat of the Year

3. Swizz Beatz, “Rotate”

Sometimes, there’s really not much to a dope beat. The Middle Eastern guitar and disgustingly simple drum loop here, accented with a climbing drum pad in the middle of verses, takeoff sound effects, and occasional drum-free bars, make this a spitter’s dream.

Proof of Dismantling: Cory Gunz demonstrates how to make those dreams realities, rapping at his usual high-octane pace and stitching together lines full of squeaky-voweled punchlines.

2. DJ Khalil, “Kinda Like a Big Deal”

Slashing guitar, a couple of Kanye-influenced drum loops, a wailing vocal sample, assorted momentary whirs, and a nice keyboard breakdown at the beginning of the hook, and it’s the sort of high-priced trunk-rattler Kanye and the Brothers Thornton deserve.

Proof of Dismantling: Kanye’s verse. He bombs this beat.

1. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League, “Maybach Music 2 (Instrumental)”

It’s one hell of a beat. Synths, strings, and horns swirl in from somewhere celestial, build slowly, and crest with the triumphant brass in the hook and the regal drum loop. It settles and swoons in the verses, and allows the various voices to soar over it; it’s more sonic landscape, fit for soundtracking The Godfather or something of that nature, background for the rappers and fanfare for the virtually perfect T-Pain hook.

Proof of Dismantling: Chamillionaire’s take, which includes one of my favorite lines of the year: “If you don’t slow it down, your history ’bout to be/Strategic without the S, the second T and the E.”

Mini One on One: White Rappers’ Pop Potential

In this corner, we have Eminem, whose “We Made You” is as popular on YouTube as it is embed-proof. (Here’s a direct link.) Basically, it’s warmed-over Em spitting sideways (there’s an odd voice effect he also used on the far superior “I’m Having a Relapse”) and taking potshots at pop culture. Kim Kardashian, Tony Romo, and John Mayer all take their lumps, but this is Em working at MySpace speed in a Twitter culture. (It’s telling that he’s referring to a Jennifer Aniston/Mayer relationship that was done before this song even dropped.) When Marshall brags about his album, “Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia,” it’s less an announcement of renewed purpose a harbinger of a project mining the same old, same old.

Meanwhile, Asher Paul Roth, who is to Eminem as Pennyslvanian suburbia is to the poor regions of Detroit, has earned his ubiquitous hit with description of his ethos and atmosphere. “I Love College” is as milquetoast as it gets when college and pop culture collide, a woozy, boozy toast to the frat-boy lifestyle, with a Miller Lite shout-out here and a “Keg stand! Keg stand!” chant there. He’s doing absolutely nothing worthwhile from a technical standpoint, but it’s the appeal of the partier’s idyll that carries this, as well as the revamped lick from “Say It Ain’t So.” I’ve heard this played, and not ironically, more than once. I shudder to think that Roth, in this, his most thoughtless form, would be the middle-class poet in this class of rappers.

On relatability, I’ve give Asher the edge: Em’s beef with celebrity is tired, rehashed as it is. On skill, Em wins a round, for a tricky delivery that belies the relative laziness of the subject matter. But in the deciding category of catchiness, Roth rules: The indulgent ignorance and general meandering of this track appeal to a certain group of people who happen to frequent house parties, and it’s going to drift out of stereos until freshman arrive in the fall. So Asher topples Eminem here.

Mini One on One: Better Sign of the Apocalypse

For the Black Eyed Peas, “Boom Boom Pow” is supposed to be a re-entry into the pop charts. Instead, the only thing meteoric about this futuristic turd is the thud that should echo on impact in the lower ranges of the charts. Fergie chirps, “I’m so three thousand and eight/You so two thousand and late,” Apl.de.ap says “Cybertron,” will.i.am warbles about satellite radios and leprechauns, and a host of Auto-Tune and beat-chopping artifices ornament this utterly hollow song. But, regrettably, it’s catchy nonsense from a period-happy crew.

Denver’s 3Oh!3, on the other hand, have nothing but misogyny and general insensitivity to buoy their pop-rap concoction. (Well, that and a bassy drum line and a tinkle of a synth.) I suppose the “vegetarian” line in “Don’t Trust Me” is clever, but the chorus is as morally bankrupt as any this century has given us, and the Helen Keller bit is as callous as they come. It should be no surprise that Katy Perry is a tourmate of these fellows, or that people go bananas for it live. It is, of course, catchy.

But which serves as better evidence of Western civilization’s decline? On creativity, the Peas fail on all fronts, while the exclamation point-people toss in a few sharp bars. On message, the nonsense of the BEP stands no chance against 3Oh3!’s blatant male chauvinism. And, sadly, on quality, the Denver crew’s “Don’t Trust Me” destroys “Boom Boom Pow,” a minimalist male electro-jam trumping the strident schizophrenia of the BEP production.

Expect both songs to dominate charts and persuade ever more people to purchase iPod car converters this summer.

Songs of the Quarter

(Note: There are two Keri Hilson songs on this list because the album is excellent. Buy it.)

Also, the common theme of this list would seem to be fun.

5. Kelly Clarkson, “My Life Would Suck Without You”

Kelly is best when righteously wrong, and this song finds her in that “Since U Been Gone” mood with a sunnier track behind it. I’ve written about this before, so I won’t belabor the point: This song’s really good.

4. Keri Hilson feat. Ne-Yo and Kanye West, “Knock You Down”

You want something positive? How about an ode to love that uses a pounding drum/synth combo, some deep strings, and a few airy effects to send it to the clouds? Not interested yet? Why not put three of the most talented artists in hip-hop/pop music on the track? How about letting Keri purr “Just get back up when it knocks you down,” Ne-Yo call himself “commander-in-chief of my pimp ship,” and Kanye compare himself to Slick Rick? And then we can stretch it to a little more than five minutes and make it danceable?

That would be a great song, wouldn’t it?

I can’t embed the video for it, but you should watch it, if only for Keri’s interpretation of Kanye’s Michael Jackson line.

3. DJ Class feat. Kanye West, “I’m The Shit (Remix)”

How gloriously stupid and braggadociously delicious can one song be? It’s a relentless drum loop, some handclaps, a zipper of synth in the verses and bleeps of it in the chorus, and simple, universal boasting from a Baltimore and rap’s biggest star. It fits Kanye perfectly, sounds anthemic at the same time, and would only just barely not get corpses’ toes tapping. I can’t listen to it without swaying or saying at least half of Kanye’s verse; it’s swine flu-infectious.

2. B.o.B./Bobby Ray, “Generation Lost”

They call this guy the heir to Andre 3000′s “conscious, quirky Atlanta rapper” throne. On this song, he both rejects that in assuming his own mantle and proves a worthy prince, spilling an autobiography of an artist finding his way in a 3K vein. The beat, which sort of floats next to B.o.B.’s flow, is as interesting as the anti-rap stance from a guy who could be the next big thing in Southern rap, but the slightness of the music and the effortlessness of the verse belie the gravity that the kid brings to the mic. This is not a great song, but it is a powerful, personal one, and while Rick Ross, Asher Roth, and Eminem march in their parade of facades, I’ll be listening to a guy who seems to put a little more thought into his music.

1. Keri Hilson, “Alienated”

This is as expansive and sprawling a single-artist pop song as I’ve heard in the last few years, clocking in at 4:34 with a variety of pre-hooks and bridges and production that goes from spacey synths to Danja’s light drum stomping over the course of the song. Hilson, though, is the star: She’s got her coolest coo on, but the burn of a lost lover colors this track, and lines like “You’re the reason I don’t change my number/Want you to know it’s still the same” showcase her grounded, emotive, clever writing by combining one and the other. There’s no way this goes to the top of any charts in this world, as its complexity will torpedo it, but “Alienated” captures wistful in full and is sonically delightful on every listen. For that, it gets this spot.

Also, an announcement: I won’t be in the States again until June, but when I get back, I’m going to try to run 1520 Sedgwick daily and Confection Corner biweekly here at DeadOn.

I’m also, though, going to tend more carefully to my other shingle at The Rockabye Review in the coming weeks and months. I hope you join me over there.

I also hope you join me in the comments.

I was thinking for a couple of weeks now that I would do this recap a little differently. I don’t want to do a scene by scene write up of what happened like the previous recaps. Eventually those get old and quite frankly I don’t want to do that for an hour long episode. So I’ll just tell you all the big important things that happened. Or at least the big things that I remember.

• I think the Elliot/Carla exaggerated hug and JD telling Turk and Cox what they smelled like when they hugged him were the only real funny moments of the show. And I’m wonder if Bill Lawrence designed it that way. No over the top funny moments for an emotional JD.
• And speaking of Carla I loved her goodbye to JD. Simple and understated and just a believable goodbye between those two characters.
• Kinda loved Turk and JD’s continuous goodbye to each other and eventually it getting tired for both of them.
• Wished Kelso’s goodbye from Sacred Heart would have been later but I guess things goes like that sometimes.
• For the first time I didn’t laugh at one of Ted’s gags. I don’t know what that is. He’s past being scared of Kelso and it wasn’t him that was upset at change in Tuesday’s episode so what was the whole not being able to move past one sentence thing about?
• Janitor’s real name is Tony? Huh. Okay. I dunno, I think I was hoping for something just off the wall (and no, Glenn Matthews definitely isn’t off the wall) but on the other hand having a common name just seems right. And I loved how he still didn’t tell JD his real name.
• I know Tom Cavanagh is on a new show now and is probably working, but I wanted more Dan. I don’t know how they could have worked him in, but that’s why they get paid to write television shows and not me. We got less than 10 seconds. Not cool.
• Liked the hallway of former patients, nurses, and doctors (and girlfriends) seeing JD off in his fantasy. My three favorite were Laverne, Mrs. Tanner, and Mrs. Wilk. I you’ve forgotten who Mrs. Tanner was she’s the woman who had renal failure in the show’s fourth episode and decided to not go on dialysis. She was always one of my favorite patients.
• Cox’s feelings about JD was done perfectly. Again, for the character that is. Wasn’t overly sappy yet it was said with feeling. Aww, Dr. Cox.
• The little montage at the end of what could happen in JD’s future was done so well. And I’ll admit to getting a bit teary eyed. Yes, even to the JD and Elliot parts. One of my favorite parts of the show was when we saw JD and Turk finding out about (assumingly) Izzy and Sam’s engagement (sidebar-aren’t the actors that played the grown up Izzy and Sam a bit too young to be engaged?) and JD fainting with Turk saying “Yes!” over and over again. And loved the Christmas sequence we got with Cox and Jordan and their kids coming over to Turk and Carla’s with Elliot and JD and kids there already.
• And last, but not least, was the end-with JD saying goodnight to a janitor and getting in his car and driving away. Seemed to hit home right there. Plus, I loved getting the little piece of the song “Superman” in acoustic. And the A Capella at the end with The Blanks over the little piece of the actors doing their last takes for the show.

And, well, that’s it. There are rumors going around that ABC will pick the show back up and focus on the new interns and if so good for them. But I honestly don’t know if I’d tune it for it. Besides, only JD and Kelso left Sacred Heart, so how are you going to write around the other characters? But again, I guess that’s why they get paid to write for TV and I don’t. In any case, that’s it for me. I highly doubt I’ll be doing anymore Scrubs recaps even if the show gets renewed. Let me say that I’ve highly enjoyed writing these recaps (when I actually did them) and am so glad that I got to meet other Scrubs fanatics.

So make sure you see the series finale. It’s worth the 45 minutes of your life. If you have seen it what was your favorite part?

JB*

There is a whole lot of leather on our Top Four with rock week.  On top of that, apparently we are getting duets this week for the first time this week.  As another first, Slash is the mentor – and the mentoring is in a club.  How did Alison get in?

Also – is the band encroaching more and more on the performers every week?  By the finals, Adam and Gokey will be giving Ricky Minor a lap dance.

Adam Lambert – “Whole Lotta Love”
He may doing Zeppelin, but he has an Elvis snarl and look to his eyes.  He also looks way orange.  He is, as always, good but a tad shrieky (shock) behind his handcuff necklace.  He appeared to hump the mic stand, and the judges verbally humped him.  Kara’s comparison to a “Rock God” is probably a tad premature.

Allison Iraheta – “Crybaby”
Janis Joplin and Allison seems like an obvious match, and even Slash thought so.  She is going to have to try to top an Adam Lambert Show (TM, All Rights Reserved), which she is not predisposed to… particularly with what appears to be some lipstick on her teeth (or weird lighting).  The performance is right out of her wheelhouse, pretty much as all of us should expect.  Paula is obviously a fan of 30 Rock, telling her she should be cast as Janis in a biopic.  Allison shows a bit of spark in explaining her song choice, which the judges are not fans of, apparently.

Kris Allen and Danny Gokey – “Renegade”
Duets!  Kris Allen disease has spread to Gokey, as both are carrying the whole mic stand around the stage.  What the hell?  Gokey totally dominated over Allen vocally this week – not a big surprise – but Kris Allen was better in the solo performance parts. 

That said – duets are not exactly the thing which will rejuvenate the series.  And notice that even though Adam kicked off the show, I am betting this means he will be closing out with Allison, so he will still get the pimp spot.

Kris Allen – “Come Together”
Kris sits in the Coca-Cola seat and tells us he almost did Revolution, which means that the critics will pan him for it.  He has the guitar out, but the performance is a little flat.  He took it on, and came up short, in a “Finishing Last in the Olympics” way.  It is good, but falls way short compared to the other two performances.  Hopefully the Church Youth Groups got out the call to vote tonight.  He looks like a sad puppy, taking the lumps.

Danny Gokey – “Dream On”
Slash told him the most important thing is to hit the big note at the end, and in practice, he didn’t seem to.  Live, the slow start sounded fine, but the transition to the chorus is seriously off and flat – like he stuttered and missed the beat.  This is brutal, Gokey!  No Taylor Hicks comparison – he sounds like Bob Seger imitating Steven Tyler.  As he builds to the note, Mrs.JB* is wincing in anticipation.  I think he broke his throat with the gutteral screech on the final note.  He should be toast, but Simon thinks he will be safe.

Random side note – how awkward is the Top Ten Tour?  I mean, you have someone like Michael Sarver and Megan Joy, who are long gone, trying to mesh back in… and then whoever gets booted this week has to be a little jealous, right?

Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta – “Slow Ride”
Adam certainly sounds much more like the female here.  Ahhh – and there is the “For No Reason I Will Squeal” note from Adam.  He also is prancing to the point that some fathers would be very concerned about having him so close to their daughter.  It was great, what more to say.

Predictions
I think we’re in just Bottom Two territory now, so it should be Kris Allen and Danny Gokey, with Gokey gone based on the  emotional scarring we’re all left with.

Matt_T

Finally a week that was fun and enjoyable, Danny Gokey’s last note notwithstanding, but I’ll get to that later.  Great choice of judges and theme for this season, since the two best performers at this point have rock inclinations.
 
That opening with Ryan talking about the light shattering was very strange, the way he opened it sounded like someone was hurt or died, but the tragedy was just that the singers didn’t get a full run through with the band.  Oh no! Poor contestants.  If anything that gives them a taste of what a real tour will be like. 
 
Adam – Whole Lotta Love is just about the perfect song for him to sing on Idol.  He can do all the vocal gymnastics on this song, and it fits.  I liked hearing Slash tell him he can bring it down a little.  Too bad Adam didn’t take his advice.  Still probably my favorite Adam performance.
 
Allison – Completely agree with JB* perfect song choice for Allison.  She did well with the song, and I liked the sassy comebacks to the judges.  I think Allison would be better off not winning the competition, so she doesn’t get stuck in whatever box the Idol people want her in. 
 
I’ll be honest, I enjoyed the duets.  It was a good way to get an extra song out of the contestants without stretching the show too long.  Kris and Danny’s was fine, they didn’t mesh together that well, but Adam and Allison’s was very good.  It reminded me of when Heart sang with Alice in Chains a few years ago.  Not on that level, but I get a Nancy Wilsonesque vibe from Allison
 
Kris – Come Together.  Kind of a bailout pick, but for his style that was a wise choice.  It was decent, and safe, but that’s okay at this point.  I think he’s in trouble though, because he isn’t as dynamic. 
 
Danny – Oof.  That was the trainwreck I’ve been waiting for.  That last note was ATROCIOUS.  Not even close to melodic, it was just a screech, like a dying owl.  And Kara, one of the judges thinks that Dream On is ‘new’ Aerosmith, and came after Crying and Crazy.  WUT?  You are a judge, and work in the music industry, that’s pretty sad.
 
Danny and Kris in the bottom 2 with a toss up who will go, I think it will be Kris, Danny’s awful note may have actually saved him by spurring people to vote.

Jerkwheat

I really, really wish they would do a rock week a little earlier in the competition. And it’s always good to see Slash out there whoring himself again. As always, I come in with high expectations and leave feeling meh.

Adam – Really a great song choice by Adam here. Although I also think he could have better handled Danny’s choice too. Once again, we’re treated to some not-so-necessary shrieking that either gave Robert Plant an erection or a heart attack. It’s better than I gave it credit for on first impression though and I can’t envision him being in the bottom two. Also, because its rigged for him to win.

Allison – Her song choices have been great for a vast majority of the season and that continued tonight. Like JB, I was envisioning her in the 30 Rock version of the Janis Joplin bio-pic. And, like Matt, I think she’s in a better place as a finalist than as winner. She’ll need to be giving a little freedom to make the teenage girl “rock” record that she’s got in her. Something kinda Paramore-y, no?

Kris – Blah. My fellow native Arkansas let me down with just a totally uninspiring performance. That’s the challenge of taking on the Beatles though. If you aren’t perfect and exciting, there was really no point to your singing the song at all. It wasn’t bad, but it made the mistake of not being memorable. Adam and Alison made for a pretty good pairing – and I think that’s quite possibly your final pair now that the Gokey-bot has shown serious flaws.

Danny – Awful, awful, awful. On sooooo many level. This was a train wreck from the moment it was announced if only because Gokey’s voice and 70s Steven Tyler’s voice exist in different dimensions of reality. Kara’s comments about “early Aerosmith” just about killed me. I think it’s getting safe to assume she won’t be joining us again next year.

The Duets – I didn’t hate this. Although “Renegade”, really? The recycling of songs on this show is just hideous. I realize that Chris Daughtry was several seasons ago, but I just kind of associate him with “Renegade” on Idol. Too many other songs to choose from before you need to bring this one back.

Bottom Two – Kris and Danny. Anyone else would be a mistake. So, expect Adam or Allison in there. Danny should be gone for that awful, shrieky performance, but I just have a feeling that its Kris instead.

TWO YOUTH PASTORS ENTER AND ONLY ONE MAY LEAVE.

I guess there were three big stories going on this week: JD/Turk, Janitor, and Elliot/Cox. Let’s start with JD/Turk since that have repercussions with the other two. JD finds an apartment near Kim and after picking up Sam one day after work meets her Chief of Staff and, after laughing at his name, the CoS offers JD the residency director job at the new hospital and JD takes it. He tells Turk (along with Carla and Cox and Elliot who knows already) and originally Turk and JD say they’re fine with it, that even though they won’t work together anymore JD is only a 37 minute drive away and they’ll still see each other. After having some disagreements over a patient they drive over to JD’s new place. But come the next morning Turk decides to go ahead with his decision of treatment (surgery) for the patient and they end up mad at each other. Carla and Elliot trick them into spending time in the On Call room and they talk about what’s really upsetting them-that because of new jobs and families and with JD’s move they basically won’t be able to spend as much time with each other anymore. But they vow to at least make time for each other now and again. And even though they make this vow it doesn’t work out as at the end Turk had to cancel plans with JD because he had to take care of Izzy. I always thought that the JD/Turk relationship was going to be the tougher one to iron out after JD decided to leave Sacred Heart and I guess it was okay. You expected them to be upset and you could definitely tell from that start that they weren’t mad at each other for disagreeing on how to treat a patient or Turk saying “as Chief of Surgery.” But with that said, their conversation in the On Call room was one of the most mature and adult conversation they’ve ever had. Yes, it kind of sucks to know they won’t be able to spend time with each other because of their responsibilities now, but how good was it that they acknowledged that? Sucky and sad, but still good. And yes Turk, I totally imagined the two of you running Sacred Heart one day as well. Sigh.

Next story was concerning Janitor. After finding out about JD he starts getting upset not because JD is leaving but because his leaving is change and he doesn’t like change. So he goes about trying to stop things changing like telling Ted to not ask Gooch to move in with him. But the more he wants things to stay the same the more things start to change-Ted does ask Gooch to move in and she says yes, Elliot seriously thinks about moving in with JD (which is stupid cause doesn’t she have a house? insert eyeroll here), Kelso thinks about doing small private practice type stuff, and Carla thinks about being a part time nurse instead of being full time with a new baby on the way. Eventually Janitor excepts this (or gives up) and tells JD that his last few weeks at Sacred Heart will be full of surprises. I guess someone had to be upset with things changing (isn’t that the first sign a show is going off the air? everybody is changing) but I am surprised that it’s Janitor not okay with it. I don’t know why. I guess for me I would think someone like Carla or Elliot would be a bit more likely to be upset by that. Especially since at the end of season four Carla was upset about Elliot going to a new job. But maybe this was a way to get the Janitor involved this week? I dunno.

Last story actually has a patient y’all. Denise tells Elliot and Carla about how crappy a week at Sacred Hear she had been having (explaining away why she keeps doing Derek) and while doctoring on a new patient does something wrong and the patients start to internally bleed (sorry but I honestly forgot what she did wrong here). After Cox and Elliot discover the problem Elliot tells Cox that she’ll tell Denise about it and make her tell the patient her mistake. However just as Elliot is telling the patient that she (Elliot) made the mistake and that’s why she was bleeding Cox walks right behind her and here everything. Cox gets mad and after chewing out Denise starts in on Elliot. She asks him why isn’t he protecting the interns like he use to and he says it’s because once they find something better they’ll leave the hospital. Elliot immediately realizes this is about Cox actually being upset about JD leaving (and not as excited as when he tried to back flip earlier in the show) and tells him to tell JD how he’s feeling. But of course that’s not Cox so instead, when JD tells him goodnight, he just glares at him. Now, I gotta say I should have seen Cox being upset about JD leaving just as I saw the reason JD and Turk were upset with each other, but for some reason I didn’t. Maybe I got caught up in the back flip. But it does make sense because for all the times Cox has said that he doesn’t like JD we’ve seen enough instances where he actually does. And now I’m wondering if that’s going to be the most emotional goodbye JD will have tomorrow. Even if they have little time for each other eventually he will be seeing Turk (and Carla), Elliot is going with him (even if it’s just to move in), but Cox has been this massively important person in his life and he’s almost cutting off all ties now.I mean, I know it’s not going to be tears (at least from Cox’s side) but emotional nonetheless.

Other little parts that I liked-Gooch’s song was so cute. I love her. I wish we would have seen more of her. The Todd being in a threesome with a couple at the hospital isn’t that surprising and at least he’s actually getting some now. I hope we get to see Doug next week, although funny scene between Todd and the overly feely orderly. I always love seeing Elizabeth Banks and I’ll admit that I became a 13 year old boy when I laughed at the CoS’s name (Mantoots, right?) And I think that’s it. Series (despite what every article is saying) finale is tomorrow.

Again, sigh.

Heidi and Kimberly walking to work and Heidi says that she found a text on Spencer’s phone from Stacie wanting to know if he’s going to the bar.  Kimberly acts shocked and Heidi thinks she might go stake out the bar to see if Spencer shows up.  I’m pretty sure whatever happens they’re going to get married.  Just a guess though.

LC and Lo head over to Frankie’s for the BBQ.  Brody and Jade are there also when Frankie says that he got a text from Audrina saying she is on here way.  But I thought she wasn’t going?  I guess someone does really like drama.  Oh awesome, Sleazy T is at the BBQ too.  He should get his own show.

Heidi, Holly (what, when did they start hanging out again?) and Stephanie go to HWood.  Heidi notices that no one is at the bar yet.  Maybe because you lameos are out too early.  Heidi thought that they were fine after going to therapy.  But Stacie is deliberately going after Spencer.  And Steph says maliciously and deliberately a few times and seems pleased with her ‘big’ word usage.  They start to trash Stacie some more when, oh what a surprise, Stacie comes in with a couple of her friends.  Stacie waves at Heidi and Stephanie and Heidi freak out about that.  Stacie walks over to say Hi.  Heidi asks her where Spencer is.  Stacie says that she doesn’t know, she told him where she was in case he wanted to come.  Stacie totally puts Heidi in her place and says Spencer is the one she should get mad at.

Back to LA and Jade is nervous, she’s all tensed up and wants to fight Audrina.  Audrina shows up while LC is playing Wii Tennis.  Did y’all see LC on Family Guy last night?  Jayde and Brody start to bicker and Brody walks over to give Audrina a hug.  Jade is pissed.  Jade grabs Audrina to talk, and one of Jade’s friends asks Audrina if she knew how long Jade and Brody had been together.  Brody comes sauntering over and takes Jade’s friends away and says that conversation needs to be between the two of them.  Audrina says that she would never go there and will never go there and that her and Brody just stayed up talking about Jade.  Jade says that if she sleeps in her boyfriends bed then something happened.   Jayde says she doesn’t even want to talk to Audrina.  When she goes to leave Brody goes and hugs her.  Bad move.  Jayde yells that he shouldn’t care how Audrina feels about this and then she starts chugging from a bottle of Jaeger.  I like Jayde.

Time for a Speidi therapy session.  Heidi tells the therapist about what happened with Stacie.  Spencer wants to know why its okay for her to look through his phone.  Heidi wants to know why Stacie can still text him.  The therapist says that they are on different pages.  Spencer says they are in different books.  They all talk over each other and this is so very stupidly fake.

Audrina is getting ready to go somewhere and Stephanie says that its ridiculous that Jade’s friends grabbed her off the couch.  Audrina doesn’t really want to back off, she knows that Brody has her back.  Steph is worried about what’s going to happen at the party.

Off to the club and Jayde and her friend are chugging out of the Jaeger bottle.  I think I want to hang out with them.  Audrina comes sauntering in and Jade predictibly freaks out.  Jade wants her gone.  Brody wants Jade to tell Audrina  that because he can’t because they are friends.  Audrina starts to yell at Jade’s friend and Frankie interjects and breaks them up.  But then Jayde and Audrina start yelling at each other.  Brody just sits there and seems amused.  Audrina storms off and complains to Steph that Brody didn’t get her back.  Jayde says that if she sees Audrina again she’s going to punch her in her motherfucking face.  Boo yah, Jayde is hardcore.  Brody goes and basically tells Audrina she has to leave, she’s pissed but she does leave.  Brody goes back in and Jayde is happy again.

Audrina wearing a jaunty hat goes to meet Lo and LC for brunch.  Audrina gives the girls the run down of what happened.  Audrina says it was so much drama.  But, she knew there would be, and she went anyways.  Audrina says that the playmates were all glaring at her.  LC says that Brody is in a tough place, because Jayde is the first girl he’s loved.  Audrina thinks that Jayde is the wrong girl because she’s crazy.  Takes one to know one, right Audrina?  LC just thinks Brody owes Audrina an apology.

Spencer goes to see the therapist for a one on one.  He says he wants to give it his all because Heidi deserves it.  Spencer says that they’ve become 1 person instead of two and he misses some freedom.  The therapist thinks that’s very insightful.  Spencer acknowledges he screwed up and he has to bring some trust back.  He knows he can’t go out, but when the therapist pushes him on it, he’s not sure if he can commit to that.  The therapist is confused with that answer.

Brody and LC go out and LC says that she felt bad for Audrina.  Brody says that he was just sitting there, not knowing what to do.  Brody still is sticking to the story that Audrina just slept there.  Brody puts the blame on Audrina for coming to his room and she decided to say.  LC completely disagrees, and thinks he should have stood up for his friend.  Brody says his heart lies with Jayde and he’s going with her.  LC says this wouldn’t be the first time someone gave up a friend for love.  Aww poor LC, her friends all suck.

Farewell, TimberLite.  May your jaunty hats serve you well in the future.

JB*
Following week after week about artist relevancy, of course it makes sense that the Top 5 would be performing songs of the Rat Pack.  No doubt they are great and classic standards, but radio-playable, as Kara often references?  I am going with a not really.  Plus, I think Kara and Paula used this week to order new dresses from the Stop Staring Clothing, which I am all for.

Kris Allen – “The Way You Look Tonight”
Dressed quite dapperly – actually, darn near identical to Seacrest – he is solid.  True to the song’s form, Simon called it a “Wet” performance.  I would say the only thing wet was the Youth Group Panties, and Kara’s.  I really have no clue what he meant.  He seemed very comfortable, though, which is confusing to me because of the way he was carrying the mic stand – not just the mic.  He should be safe this week.

Allison Iraheta – “Someone to Watch Over Me”
Simon (maybe Randy) compared her look to Brittany Murphy tonight, which is rather spot on.  Now, though, she is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!  Her performance was good but felt a bit overshadowed by the band.  I was all over the board on what to expect from her – it could have been bad (she is the rawk chick); it could have been good (she does the blues voice thing); it could have been what it was – good, but not great.

Matt Giraud – “My Funny Valentine”
Ryan got Matt to say this was a week he has been looking forward to all season, but I cannot recall them other doing a Rat Pack week in the past.  They did American Classic I think in Season 4, with Tony Bennett, but not quite the same.  Oh, and JAUNTY HAT!!!!  He does a TimberLite performance here, proving I know nothing at all, since I thought it was a normal mediocre performance, but Simon is going crazy for it.

Danny Gokey – “Come Rain or Come Shine”
Ooooooh – a new entrance!  Danny comes on stage after the music (not singing), the first time we’ve seen that this year.  Another Michael McDonald/Taylor Hicks/Michael Bolton performance.  You know what you’re getting here.

Adam Lambert – “Feeling Good”
Okay, this is ridiculous.  I think this is his fourth appearance in the pimp spot, and this time he has a white suit to match the pimping.  We couldn’t even see him for the opening part of his performance since the backlighting left him washed out as he uses the Billie Jean staircase like a stripper.  I love this song, but feel a bit dirty watching this.

Summary
I think every single contestant was told they could be in the Finals, which is, of course, impossible.  Especially given the continued fawning for Adam Lambert means there is only one spot open.

This will be the week they put the groups in two and then ask Adam to pick one group – who is safe, who is the Bottom Two.  Then he will do something like sitting in the middle of the stage and they’ll all laugh over how witty he is (despite this happening every year).  The Bottom Two should be TimberLite and Adam Lambert.  Yeah – I said it.  I just didn’t care for his performance at all.  The Bottom Two will likely be TimberLite and Kris Allen, due to his Opening Performance.  TimberLite to Go.

DougOLis
Kris – nice, sweet performance but I didn’t love it. I could maybe hear it on the radio and I wouldn’t turn away but it also wouldn’t be a hit. I think “wet” meant “not dry,” which I think is a compliment. But I could be wrong.

Allison – I thought it was okay at best for most of the song but the ending was fabulous. It seemed like she didn’t really know what to do with the song for most of it and I didn’t have much of an idea as to where it was going, but the end was a pleasant surprise.

Matt – booo Western Michigan. Go Eastern! Jaunty Hat! Was his performance great? No, but it wasn’t horrible. I kind of liked what he did with the song but there did seem to be a disconnect with the lyrics. It did put me in a nice place though. He was kind of off pitch and flat at times.

Danny – well, he’s got a great voice and this is easily my favorite performance by him and favorite performance on the night (not that I loved it that much). This week was made for him and I’m not sure he entirely nailed it. He’s a second rate McDonald/Hicks/Buble.

Adam – It was an Adam performance so if you like him then you probably liked it but if you don’t then you probably didn’t. I’m clearly more on the like side but I didn’t love it. It wasn’t bad but it was over the top even by his standards.

Why was Jamie Foxx the judge this week? He really has nothing to do with the Rat Pack. I was never sure if he was being helpful or full of shit with his mentorship. For this being “Rat Pack Night,” how many of them actually did Rat Pack songs? Just Matt? I shouldn’t be too disappointed given the producers’ willingness to fuck with theme boundaries, but there were so many great true Rat Pack options. Overall there really weren’t any performances I really loved or hated. It was kind of a boring week with all slow songs.

Bottom 2 – Matt and Kris with Matt to go

Matt_T
What a lame boring week.  I know these songs are standards, but as usual not really at all relevant to pop music.  Odd that this was the theme the week Taylor Hicks is performing on the elimation show, considering how poorly his post Idol career has been.

Also, Kara is bothering more week to week.  It seems like she writes out what she’s going to say ahead of time (like Kornheiser on MNF) So she has these really long monologues rather than reacting to the performers.  As ridiculous as Paula and Randy sound from time to time at least they are reacting to the actual performance rather than practices or what they think the performer should do.

I honestly didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the performances this week.  They were all fine, but nothing really stood out.

I agree with Doug, I think its Matt and Kris in the bottom 2 with Matt leaving.

Doug chimes in again:
I agree on Kara. Nice to look at but I’m often hitting myself in the head when she talks. This experiment was a bad idea.

Wrap-Up
Much like Annabelle Wilson, we obviously all have “The Gift”, at least for dud talent this week.  The top four come back next week with Slash as their mentor to rock and/or roll us.  We’ll even attempt to be timely as well.

My week has been pretty busy so you’re getting a quick recap instead of the full thing.  This week was mostly setting up the last few episodes anyway.  As an additional programming note, I’m going to be out of town in Europe for the next 2 weeks but I’ll be back just in time for the finale night.  I know you’re going to be sad but them’s the breaks. Join me after the jump for a quickie.

Tony kills Galvez and meets up with the hot fake lawyer chick in a seedy motel room. They bang and then she sets up a meeting with the members of their terrorist ring via anonymized web conference.  To Tony’s delight she convinces them to rush their plans and continue attacking today while the FBI is weakened.  They kidnap some Muslim terrorist sleeper cell guy to have him activated and carry out their plan.

Jon Voight is taken to a holding medical cell at the FBI and the President approves putting him in witness protection (as dead) if he provides credible information about the next plot and who he was dealing with. Olivia isn’t too happy about this and seemingly asks Aaron and some other guy to kill Jon Voight.  Jack interrogates Voight and provides him with the deal which he quickly accepts. Voight tells them about the anonymous group and their plan to create a series of attacks in order to create public distrust in the government, thereby allowing them to privatize the government. (I cynically wonder how different this would actually be and how much it already is privatized)  He also tells Jack that the only direct contact he has is with Tony’s f-buddy who heads up the group. The President is content with the intel and has CTU’s decommissioned servers activated. Jack brings Chloe in to deal with the technology, Janeane Garofolo gets pissy (about Chloe being there and the reactivation of “Big Brother”), and Jack goes crazy at her and accidentally calls President Taylor, “President Palmer.”

Thoughts: Is CTU back or is this a temporary minor thing?  What exactly are Tony, the hot fake lawyer, and the Muslim guy going to do? Who else is in the secret group and why? Who was the seemingly very important guy? How is Olivia going to snap? Who was that guy she called? I recognize him from somewhere. How does Jack’s health keep going in waves of being fine and then cracked out? This is getting kind of annoying. We know he’s supposed to be back next season so why not just fix him and get it over with?

Ok, so I think the new Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! is kind of a nifty concept.  Here’s this week’s rundown:

• Bob Dylan – Together Through Life. Jan Wenner just wet himself. But it’s natural at his age.
• Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! Surely there are more talented lovely ladies involved in this one like the UNC Loreleis above. I’m not running out to get this immediately as I have a cappella runs hot and cold with me, but Andy Bernard is fucking pissed that this is just now happening. I’m more of an Emocappella guy.
• Ben Lee – The Rebirth of Venus. Someone get Kweller to put out an EP today so we can hit the trifecta. I like you, Ben Lee. But the last album was kinda poop and my hopes here have been appropriately lowered.
• Wilco – Ashes of American Flags. Wilco’s first concert dvd. You know you want it. I know that I do.

That’s pretty much the jist of it. Let’s talk in the comments. Or not. Your call really.

So BrodyBro and AnonoBro are surfing and Lo, LC and some other Bro decide to have a room party tonight.  Steph calls Audrina out for checking out Brody, and Audrina says that JustinBobby texted her that morning.  Audrina gets all emo about that for some reason.  I’m over her and JustinBobby.  Old news.

Spencer and Heidi are at the bookstore looking at relationship books.  Heidi suggests a book called “Borders.”  Heidi then says that her mom called and Colby her old high school boyfriend who goes to bible college is coming in town.  Spencer is not happy about this, and Heidi says he’s a nice guy not like Stacie.  Heidi thinks it will be good for Spencer for him to hang out with a nice guy.  And all of this is silly since its been in the news that they got married for real this weekend.  But for now we’ll keep pretending they haven’t yet.

Off to Hawaii and BrodyBro is checking out Audrina and complimenting her on how revealing it is.  I’m sure she had that in mind.  The gang watches the sun go down and Stephanie asks who is single, and makes sure that Brody knows that Audrina is.  Brody knows that if Audrina meets a guy that blows JustinBobby away she’ll forget about JB.

Back to LA and lame Colby is bringing his girlfriend to meet Heidi and Spencer.  Spencer says that the only reason he is there is because Colby goes to bible college so he thinks that Colby is still a virgin.  LOLWUT.  Heidi says not even that.  Colby and his girlfriend show up and the first thing that she does is point out how different Heidi looks than in the pictures she saw of her and Colby.  I wonder why that is?  Heidi tries to change the subject and asks if they want cocktails.  Spencer recommends Patron silver but Colby and his girlfriend don’t drink.  They’ve never had a sip.  Spencer is shocked and he asks about their hotel room.  Colby says they have two rooms and Heidi and Spencer are shocked.  Spencer laughs and says he had a subscription to Playboy since he was 14.  That explains a lot.  Colby snarks back with ‘the lord forgives.’  Spencer suggests that they go do some boxing tomorrow and he knows that Colby has some pent up aggression.

Back to Hawaii and Steph thinks that the boys are mad.  Lauren says that they can’t be mad because the boys are going to dinner with them.  Steph goes to get ready with Audrina.  Steph thinks Brody is into her, but Audrina isn’t sure, she doesn’t think she would do anything.  Steph says that if it were her, she’d be tired of shaking his hand and want to just kiss him.  She then suggests that Audrina hook up with Brody to get JustinBobby back.  What?  That doesn’t make sense.  How would that work at all?  And I thought she was done with JB, and I know we had this storyline last year and the year before.  Lazy writers, recycling scripts.

Spencer and Colby are at the gym and he Spencer doesn’t know how Colby does it.  Colby says its not easy, he spends a lot of time with the Lord.  Spencer is skeptical and he says that Colby could die a virgin.   Colby says its possible.  This whole awkward conversation is done while doing some sparring.  Spencer wants to know if there are ‘more of them’ out there.  He says talking with Colby is like talking to an Alien.  He also wants to know exactly in the Bible where it says no having sex before marriage.  Colby says he’ll get it back to him with that.

Back to Hawaii and Frankie notices that Audrina is into Brody.  He talks to Steph about it and as they’re talking Audrina and Brody are cooing at each other.  Somebody yells out get a room and Audrina says that she can’t lie she’s always had a little crush.  Everyone looks a little stunned at the revelation.

Colby and Ashley the girlfriend are over at Speidi’s place and Ashley has the verse for Spencer.  The four of them are reading their bibles.  Colby reads the verse for Spencer and Spencer says it doesn’t say no sex before marriage.   Colby reads another verse and its about forgiveness.   Ashley says it would be great if everyone got along.  Spencer says that is a make believe land.

The gang is at a Luau and they do the usual who wants to get leeid joke.  And of course Audrina gets a lei.  NickBro tells Brody that Audrina was right there for him.  Brody says don’t get me wrong she’s hot, but he only has eyes for his girlfriend.  He says he’s just friends with Audrina.  Frankie says that Audrina wants more than that.  Meanwhile Audrina sneaks off and calls JB, just as she starts to talk to him BrodyBro comes up and she tells JB she’ll call him back.  Brody says it was a guys trip, and he was excited to see her.  He doesn’t want her to be awkward.  Brody then says she’s a great girl, she’s sweet, but not now.  But wait, he says that maybe someday if no one else is around then ‘feelings are feelings’  Nice, Brody.  Basically, you won’t hookup with her because your friends would know and your girlfriend would know.  But you’ll hookup with Audrina if no one knows.  Nice.

LC wakes up and Lo is already up.  She tells LC that Audrina stayed in Brody’s room last night.  LC says to go wake up Stephanie.  Steph comes out with some nice bedhead.  Lo and LC tell her to spill the beans, but Steph doesn’t know anything.

Heidi and Spencer are having lunch.  And Spencer says he’s glad that Heidi brought Colby there, because now he knows what kind of guy she needs.  Heidi disagrees, she just wants Spencer to have some of the traits that Colby has, like being nice to her family.  Spencer says that he’s going to be just like boring Colby.  Heidi asks for the check, because clearly Spencer hasn’t learned anything.  Well I guess he’s learned something since then, since you know, Heidi got married to him this weekend.

Back to Hawaii where Sleazy T(! Sleazy T BRO!) and Frankie are relaxing.  BrodyBro comes out of his room finally.  Doug says that he was up early to go surfing and he spied Audrina leaving Brody’s room wearing his bathingsuit.  Brody plops down in the hammock and says he messed up.  He cheated on his girlfriend.  The other bros go OMG.  They want to know if Jade will be upset.  Nah brah, she’s cool with it.  Of course she’ll be upset says Brody.  Probably more now that the whole country knows.  Back to the girls room and Lo thinks that nothing happened, they were just drunk and passed out.  Steph wants to know if they should tell Jade.  Steph, always wanting to get in the middle.  LC says that’s not their place, but hey Audrina’s up and awake.  And so tired.  Steph asks where she slept and Audrina says Brody’s duhhhhh.  LC says there’s only one bed and Audrina just raises an eyebrow.  The girls want to know what JustinBobby would think.  Audrina says of course he won’t be happy.  The girls warn her that Jade is going to be pissed and start a war.  Audrina doesn’t care, if she wants a war she’ll get it.  Groan.

Oh, and like hi. Here we are again with another review. I know I should have been keeping up with these, but, well, I got lazy. And missed a few shows. Like, I just saw last week’s show yesterday. By the way, I loved Sam Lloyd’s cover of “Hey Ya.” Seriously, I need to go and buy The Blanks’ cd. Anyway, it’s three (including this one) episodes left and I want to do the last three recaps of the series. So let’s do this. 

This episode was a blast from the past in that it had three different stories and all the main characters actually on and interacting within one another. Let’s start with I think the third main story. Kelso is admitted into the hospital after eating a muffin from CoffeeBucks after it had been shut down for a food virus. Or was it something else? I gotta be honest here I didn’t hear what exactly CoffeeBucks was being shut down for. Well, I didn’t hear the health reason that is. Anyway, he’s admitted into the hospital and Sunny is his doctor when Carla seemingly assigns her to him. She’s like a typical intern-spooked when Kelso scares her and can’t place an IV-and Kelso starts to doctor himself. Carla threatens him about it and he realizes that he misses being a doctor. All the while giving advice to Cox (more on that later). I liked this third somewhat minor story. I think it (and the other two storylines) sets up what’s going to happen with the last two episodes of the series (if you’ve read any spoilers you understand what I’m talking about) and it gave Kelso something else to do besides just giving out advice to everyone. Yay for Kelso having a story.

Second story was Turk and Cox. Cox had to hire a new Chief of Surgery and, of course, Turk wanted the job. He told Cox so and originally Cox had told him no. So Turk basically gets the entire hospital to recommend him to Cox and still Cox won’t hire him. I think you know what happens from here-Turk talks to Carla who thens talks to Cox and tells him that he’s not hiring Turk not because he’s the best surgeon at Sacred Heart (which he is) but because of his history with him. Cox then talks to Kelso who says that yes, he’s not hiring Turk for personal reasons, and after a while (at the end of the epi) Cox then hires Turk to be Chief of Surgery. I like that Turk has an increase in responsibility and a better job as SH, but I wonder why they skipped over Dr. Mickhead. I mean, I know the show writes for the leads so that means one of main characters get the job, but still. At least have him be a candidate or something. Otherwise yay for Turk.

The most important story of the show this week dealt with, what else, JD and Elliot. When the two of them take Sam back to Kim’s place they meet her new boyfriend-Sean. Elliot introduced them a year ago before her and JD started dating again and thought that at the least they’d be friends. Of course JD isn’t exactly comfortable with this and while the girls air out their grievences with each other and seem to put things in the past, JD picks him with his snotty atitude with Sean where he left it in Season 3. (Yes, I remember these things and I kinda hated JD that season because of it.) When JD and Elliot pick up Sam from the hospital nursery Sam starts to cry and doesn’t stop until Sean holds him. This continues and JD starts to think that Sam doesn’t like him. Kim reassures him that he’s a good father and it’s nothing he’s doing, it’s just that babies are sensitive to new things. JD remembers he started using a cologne to make Elliot jealous (so she’d have car sex in front of a bicycler) and after washing it off Sam stops crying in his presence. Elliot goes over to Kim’s and while they all watch videos Kim took of Sam JD realizes that while he’s a good father he’s only a part time father and decides to move to the town that Kim lives to be more involved with Sam. Okay, I stated above that I love Scott Foley and Elizabeth Banks so I’m very happy to see them again. I knew we were going to see EB but SF was a nice surprise as I loved Sean and thought he was perfect for Elliot-someone other than JD who could deal with her crazy and love her because of it. Him being with Kim is a surprise. I’m not sure if I like it or not yet. I guess what got me down on this story wasn’t so much JD’s attitude again towards Sean (dude, you got Elliot at the end. What’s your fucking deal?) but what happened at the very end with JD deciding he needed to be closer to Sam. Look, I get he fears being like his father and not being there all the time for Sam and quite frankly if JD was a real person I’d applaud it. Hell, I applaud JD the character. I mean, remember where he was the first let’s say five seasons to where he is now. I’m proud of JD for growing up. But, to be a petulant child for a second, I WANT MY SACRED HEART CREW TOGETHER. I like the contrast of it-Cox with the Chief of Staff job, Carla as Head Nurse, Turk with his new Chief of Surgery job, all of them kinda settling down career wise and JD (and Elliot surely) going off and starting a new job, basically being on his own. It’s the ulitmate grown up JD in action here. But, well, I always had this vision of JD being the new Cox (which he was getting to be), Cox being Chief of Staff, Elliot with her good endocrinology job at the hospital, Carla being HN, and Turk rising as one of the best surgeons on staff all at Sacred Heart at the end. And, well, it isn’t coming true. At least that’s the way it’s looking. So yeah, I’m kinda upset. I mean, I love me some Carla/Elliot best friendship and JD/Turk full on bromance. What happens to those two relationships when they leave? I guess we’ll see.

Not a lot of Janitor this week nor any major supporting cast member. So there isn’t that much more to talk about. And I guess that’s it for this week. We got two more episodes (one being an hour long) left of the series and that’s it. I can feel myself already starting to get teary eyed. Damn favorite show.

JB*:

This may sound repetitive, but it is Disco Week – this should be a disaster.  What I cannot believe is they did not make a bigger deal about the whole “two people will be eliminated” thing.

Lil Rounds – “I’m Every Woman”
Looking bootylicious and dancing around the stage, past the judges, she spiced up her performance with playfulness.  She seemed to be overperformed by the background singers, though – she was just singing a lot of “woos” and parts of lyrics.  Fun and all, but not really a good performance.  Simon’s giving her the death knell may be enough to save her with a sympathy vote.

Kris Allen – “She Works Hard For the Money”
Disco Guitar Preacher Man gives us easily the performance of the year – having guys playing what appears to be a board and the giant bongo drums was this year’s version of David Cook making “Hello” his own.  Putting a soulful, Santan-esque sound to the song was pure, absolute brilliance.  But what the hell did Paula mean about men shopping in women’s sections?  I’ll set it up for Jerkwheat – Arkansas!WhatWhat?

Danny Gokey – “September”
I repeat what I said a few weeks ago – he is a younger, better haired version of Taylor Hicks.  He also may have fewer dance moves than me, and all I have is the “Lean Back”.  He, too, seemed overshadowed by the backup group, but he was solid vocally, just not spectacular in performing.  He just sort of shook, slightly better than Megan Joy, but not much.  And why did he have an entourage of hot women

Allison Iraheta – “Hot Stuff”
Let’s get this out of the way – ONLY Sixteen!  Instead of the “sitting on the floor” start, she gets the seldom seen “Sitting on the Billy Joel Stairs” start to open her No Doubt-Lite performance of Hot Stuff.  This was the week I think we all figured we would eventually get from her, when the smokey sound would become grating.  Of course, it appears the judges disagree with me.  Also, were there any other Disco Performers besides Donna Summers?  She’s the source for two of our four so far.

Adam Lambert – “If I Can’t Have You”
Hmmmm – all suited up Adam?  He’s doing this off the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, and brought the John Travolta hair.  Is there a requirement that he much squeal at one point during every performance?  He does it all slow like and the judges fawn over him and this is just going to be repetitive so… let’s move on.

TimberLite – “Stayin’ Alive”
JAUNTY HAT!  I am sure this is supposed to be all “through the looking glass”, since he was saved, but I think he is trying to do either the robot or the pop-and-lock throughout the performance, but by law Michiganders are forbade from it.  He, too, tosses multiple self-indulgent high-pitched points for no good reason.  It is some random Justin Timberlake meets the Bee Gees meets Drunken Frat Boy sort of thing.  Simon calls him out as doing a performance that came across as “desperate”, which sums up what I tried to say in one word.

Anoop Desai – “Dim All the Lights”
Let’s slow it down, soften it up, and make the panties soaked with Anoooooooooooooop!  It was… it was what it was.  Little rough on the vocals, but he has the crowd loving him.  Three out of the four judges love him – guess who doesn’t?
Predictions
But not as bad as I expected it to be.  With it being the Top 7 and double elimination week, my guess is we do a Bottom Four, then pair them off to pare them down. 
Top 3 (performance) – Kris Allen, Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta
Top 3 (Votes) – Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, Lil Rounds (sympathy)
Going Home – Timberlite and Anoooooooop

matt_T:

I was all set to blast the disco theme for not being modern and relevant but I actually was pleasantly surprised by most of the performers.  And they cut down on all the fluff, so we actually got performances and critique.  Which was a nice surprise too.
 
Lil – As far as performances, this was entertaining, it was fun, she was dancing around in some sort of cat suit (meow) but like Simon loves to say, its a singing competition.  So I agree with JB, she let the background singers lead, and didn’t do a lot of singing.  Oh and this song was a total ego pick.  Sorry Lil, but you aren’t Celine, or Whitney or Mariah or Chaka.
 
Kris – Fantastic job.  This is a prime example of taking a lame theme and making it work.  I would turn it up if it came on the radio.  Definitely his best performance of the season. 
 
Danny – Danny, you butchered one of my favorite jams, and for that I cannot forgive you.  And to defer to JB again, he nailed it, that was a Taylor Hicks performance.  Danny managed to sap all the groove out of the song, and he was outdone by the background singers too. 
 
Allison – Hands down my favorite performance of the night.  She made the song work for her too, and she nailed it.  She’s growing better as the weeks go by, I have a feeling she may sneak into the final 2. Even if she doesn’t win, I think she’s this year’s Daughtry, I could see her having a successful career. 
 
Adam – I never thought I’d say this, but I enjoyed Adam two weeks in a row.  Yeah the screeching was annoying, but overall, good job.  And far more restraint than I thought he’d show.  Simon gets bonus points for his “I would have bet $10,000 you’d sing Donna Summer” 
 
Timberlite – Oh how meta of him to sing Stayin’ Alive.  Too bad it was terrible.  I wanted this to be good, especially with the jaunty hat.  I don’t like the karaoke criticism, because that’s what the show is, but this was drunken karaoke at 2 am in some seedy bar.  Nice idea, just poor execution.
 
Anoop – I gotta be honest, I don’t remember anything about this performance, other than the facial hair and pink shirt.  I switched to the Braves game and missed most of it.  Whoops.
 
Tonight should be interesting since they are booting two.  My favorite 3 performances – Allison, Kris and Adam.  I think we’ll see Timberlite gone for good this time and even Vote for the Worst won’t be able to save Lil (as she was in the bottom 3 last week)
 
Even bigger news, DAVID ARCHULETTA TONITE.  OMG !!!

I was all set to blast the disco theme for not being modern and relevant but I actually was pleasantly surprised by most of the performers.  And they cut down on all the fluff, so we actually got performances and critique.  Which was a nice surprise too.
 
Lil – As far as performances, this was entertaining, it was fun, she was dancing around in some sort of cat suit (meow) but like Simon loves to say, its a singing competition.  So I agree with JB, she let the background singers lead, and didn’t do a lot of singing.  Oh and this song was a total ego pick.  Sorry Lil, but you aren’t Celine, or Whitney or Mariah or Chaka.
 
Kris – Fantastic job.  This is a prime example of taking a lame theme and making it work.  I would turn it up if it came on the radio.  Definitely his best performance of the season. 
 
Danny – Danny, you butchered one of my favorite jams, and for that I cannot forgive you.  And to defer to JB again, he nailed it, that was a Taylor Hicks performance.  Danny managed to sap all the groove out of the song, and he was outdone by the background singers too. 
 
Allison – Hands down my favorite performance of the night.  She made the song work for her too, and she nailed it.  She’s growing better as the weeks go by, I have a feeling she may sneak into the final 2. Even if she doesn’t win, I think she’s this year’s Daughtry, I could see her having a successful career. 
 
Adam – I never thought I’d say this, but I enjoyed Adam two weeks in a row.  Yeah the screeching was annoying, but overall, good job.  And far more restraint than I thought he’d show.  Simon gets bonus points for his “I would have bet $10,000 you’d sing Donna Summer” 
 
Timberlite – Oh how meta of him to sing Stayin’ Alive.  Too bad it was terrible.  I wanted this to be good, especially with the jaunty hat.  I don’t like the karaoke criticism, because that’s what the show is, but this was drunken karaoke at 2 am in some seedy bar.  Nice idea, just poor execution.
 
Anoop – I gotta be honest, I don’t remember anything about this performance, other than the facial hair and pink shirt.  I switched to the Braves game and missed most of it.  Whoops.
 
Tonight should be interesting since they are booting two.  My favorite 3 performances – Allison, Kris and Adam.  I think we’ll see Timberlite gone for good this time and even Vote for the Worst won’t be able to save Lil (as she was in the bottom 3 last week)
 
Even bigger news, DAVID ARCHULETTA TONITE.  OMG !!!

DougOlis:

Lil – Stuck in the 1st spot is not good for her. She seemed like she had a lot of fun and her performance was by far her best but her voice still isn’t great. It was fine throughout but the ending was pretty bad. She’s in trouble.
Kris – A little boring but I liked his cover. Nice job there.
Danny – Fine and his voice was pretty good but I didn’t really care for his highs. It was a bit karaokeish and I don’t think it’s a great thing that this may be his best style of music.  Need more shots of his sisters please. Thanks.
Allison – Her outfit is umm, I dunno (hot?) and I feel dirty for watching her. I like the arrangement she went with, but it did sound like she turned a 70s Ballad into an 80s Power Ballad. It was good and fun but the arrangement and style leaves me kind of worried.
Adam – Brandon Flowers look tonight? Slow week for him and I think it’s my favorite performance from him because he toned back the falsetto and wackiness. His voice was great and it was an excellent arrangement and soulful performance. Simon’s looks while Paula was speaking were classic.
Matt – I thought this week would be a trainwreck for him but it really wasn’t that bad. He made it kind of a modern Timberlakey disco thing and it was pretty good.
Anoop – Oh boy, rough start. Even the band doesn’t sound great. Boring and cheesy performance/arrangement and his voice was flat. I dig the suit and facial scrub though.
Kind of interesting that the weeks we think are going to be horrible are often good and the ones that should be good turn into trainwrecks. How is the bottom structure going to work this week? Are they going to have 2 sets of bottom 2 and eliminate 1 from each pair or will it remain bottom 3? My ranking this week (from best to worst): Adam, Kris, Allison, Matt, Danny, Lil, Anoop

Jerkwheat:

Lil – This has to be the end of Memphis Whut Whut. At long last. She’s
gotta wonder why she was even picked to be on the damn show if they
are just gonna yell at her for trying to do what they ask her to every
week. She does have the sassy mouth that all of our ladies are born
with in Memphis, so I love when she lets it run. Not as bad as the
judges say, but she’s gotta be gone by the end of the night.

Kris – My fellow Arkie has done me proud this year. I’m starting to
think he might have the legs to sneak up and finish in the top 2 or
3, depending on what happens to the Gokey-bot. I really liked the
arrangement and think he’s the winner of the night by far.

Danny – I’m just tired of seeing this dude. Get on with the CCM career
already and leave us be. He’s workmanlike in his performances – you
know its going to be decent, not spectacular, but the judges will fawn
none the less. He’s safe as always.

Allison – *Comment redacted for fear of Chris Hanson* Safe.

Adam – AAAAAAAAND there’s the screechy high note.

Matt – I enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek nature of picking “Staying Alive”
here, but it didn’t work at all for me. I think I tend to agree that
it was just a one-week reprisal for Timberlite. I hope Kris Allen gets
his collection of jaunty hats.

Anoop – I missed Anoop because one of my hounds demanded to go outside
and take a pee. Sorry, Noop.

I’m assuming we get one elimination taken care of early today, by
mid-show, and then we have a bottom 2.

They like to fuck with Lil, so she’ll be part of that Bottom 2. I
think Timberlite and Lil bid us farewell, while they make Allison join
her in the BATTLE OF WHICH LADY WILL SURVIVE?!?!

What’s next?

We seem to have a consensus that Lil is one of the two going home, and are split on if the other will be Timberlite or Anoop.  But that’s not really what’s important tonight.  You know what is?  ARCHULETTA IS BACK IN THE HOUSE.  OMG Y’ALL

1. A hot attorney is being sent to represent Jon Voight. As she’s leaving her house she’s gassed by some dude and she passes out on the floor. He and some other girl, who looks like her, poison her with something, steal an ID badge, and copy her fingerprint.
2. Tony shoots himself in the arm to make it look like he was attacked. He gets a call from the dude who stole the canister and he’s having doubts about the operation but Tony says the people he’s working for will pay a lot of money for it. When the FBI team shows up he acts confused and in shock.
3. Kim says goodbye to Renee and says she’s heading back to LA. She thanks her for giving her the chance to say goodbye to her dad and says that no one can change his mind about getting the treatment.
4. FBI Agent Park is with Tony and he tells Renee that Moss was killed. She is stunned and her eyes start tearing up. Park tells her she’s the ranking officer and asks what to do. She orders a sweep and says she’ll be there soon to run the operation. She maintains her composure through the shock but her eyes don’t lie; nice bit of acting there.
5. Jack is giving his debriefing about the events of the day and he starts repeating himself and gets confused. He notices a FBI team assembling and asks Renee what’s going on. He’s more shocked about Moss being dead than she is.
6. Tony’s getting medical assistance from the FBI team and he overhears the sweep plans. He calls his man, Galvez, and gives him instructions to lure the FBI team to a warehouse and blow it up with C4.
7. Renee gets in a helicopter and Jack joins her refusing to get out.
8. Olivia tells the President that Galvez stole the canister but they have him cornered. She also tells her that Moss was killed. The President wants Jon Voight taken to the FBI for interrogation. The President implies she’ll give Voight a deal and Olivia’s pissed because he killed her brother. Wow, totally forgot about that. A lot’s happened recently.
9. The imposter lawyer shows up at the White House and they let her through. She is brought in to Voight’s cell and they are given privacy. He recognizes her and he says he was betrayed by whoever she works for with the Senatorial Investigation and she says he would have been fine but his actions today jeopardize all of their plans. He was supposed to build the bioweapon for them and not his personal use. She passes him a pill to induce cardiac arrest and he accepts in order to preserve his legacy.
10. Olivia comes in and has Voight taken away as she has a staredown with the fake lawyer. Fake lawyer calls into her boss who says he hopes Voight does the right thing. He asks about Tony and she says she has faith in Tony because “he’s been the one bright spot in an otherwise dreary day.”
11. Tony gets a call from Galvez and Galvez says he found a location to setup their trap. He starts to setup the C4.
12. Jack consoles Renee saying he lost 2 partners as well and he took it hard. He says it’s okay to feel upset and show her emotions but don’t hold it in today. She says leave her alone and don’t tell her what to feel.
13. Renee and Jack show up and Renee is shown to Moss’ body. Jack seems to know something is awry when looking over the wound but doesn’t say anything. Tony offers his condolences to Renee and she asks what happened. Tony is describing the firefight and Jack says Larry was hit by a high ordinance shotgun with armor piercing shot. Some other FBI Agent says Tony was shot with a 9mm and Jack knows something is wrong because they have .45 caliber casings in evidence and there wasn’t enough time for the shooter to go through 3 weapons. He says there must have been help provided.
14. Kim is on the phone with her husband/fiancé (is it Chase? Doesn’t look like it) and tells him that Jack was exposed to the bioweapon and is dying. Oh wow, looks like Kim has a daughter and she named her after her mother.
15. Jack points out a building that hasn’t been swept yet and he starts acting up again. He takes another shot of stuff to calm his nerves. Tony asks why he’s still in the field and Jack says he wanted to help Renee out after she just lost her partner.
16. Galvez calls in on a FBI walkie talkie and pretends he’s an agent. He says he’s spotted [himself] and the canister. Renee sends her team and herself out to check on Galvez. Jack stays behind and says he’ll monitor the situation and tells her to watch her back for a 2^nd conspirator.
17. Voight is escorted out by a Marine and he recognizes a tattoo on his forearm as relating to a mission that Starkwood led in Afghanistan. He asks if the Starkwood men were professional and the Marine says they were professional and well trained. He seems content and he takes the pill and immediately goes into cardiac arrest.
18. Jack gets a call from his debriefing officer asking for further clarification on a name that Tony provided earlier because they don’t have anyone by that name. Jack puts him on hold and notices the walkie-talkie locator frequencies.  He gets an overlay of the map of the building and realizes that Galvez isn’t in the building. He calls into Renee that it’s a trap but they don’t have time to get out before Galvez blows the C4.
19. Jack orders all FBI agents to stand fast and hold their line so the perimeter is maintained because Galvez was trying to create a distraction and a hole in the line. Jack meets with Agent Park at the warehouse and asks how many men were in the building and if Renee has been found.
20. Tony rushes into the building and finds Galvez. Galvez rubs blood all over his face and Tony acts like he’s helping carry him out.
21. Jack finds Renee and she’s alright. She asks how he knew it was a trap and he tells her about the walkie-talkie map but then she wants to know how Galvez knew the sweep pattern. Jack rushes off because he knows something is wrong.
22. Jack calls his debriefing agent and the agent tells him that Tony’s supposed contact was picked up an hour ago at the Canadian border. He showed no signs of torture and couldn’t have been Tony’s contact.
23. Jack sees Tony carrying off Galvez (he doesn’t recognize him), and he confronts Tony and pulls his gun on him. Tony tries to lie his way out of it and says Jack is just paranoid from the toxin. Jack starts going into a seizure and Tony admits his involvement and says Jack should have stayed out of it. He calls over some paramedics and takes off.
24. Galvez kills the paramedic who was attending him in an ambulance and then holds the ambulance driver hostage.

Questions: Will Jack live? Is Kim going to turn around and go help him? Will Jon Voight live? Is he being brought the same hospital as the First Gentleman? Will Tony escape? Who does Tony work for? What’s their plan?

Off to People’s Revolution and Lauren and Stephanie are sorting some clothes and putting them into boxes.  Steph wants to know if this is what Lauren does most of the time.  Lauren sez that they do whatever is needed.  So, when People’s Revolution wants to be on TV, they show up and pretend work.  Yay!  Stephanie is wondering what this has to do with handbags, her ultimate life goal.  Kelly Cutrone comes waltzing in, doing her impression of that lady in the Devil Wars Prada.  She barks at Stephanie about leaving her drink up out, and then she turns over the box of clothing and says they need to redo it.  They need to think about what it will look like when the client gets it.  Kelly says sending it back like that says they eat crackers over their client’s sweaters.  LOL WUT.  Kelly says they sound like simple tasks, but they are important for their clients.  Steph asks some dumb questions and Kelly says she’s got her eye on her.  Lauren starts to leave and Steph asks where she is going.  Lauren lolz at her and says she’s going to do her work, hands her the lint brush and says welcome to People’s Revolution.  Boom, roasted by LC.

Off to Bolthouse, and Spencer calls Heidi and says her favorite stalker is in the alley.  Heidi comes down and Spencer asks her to get in the car for a talk.  That sounds like a murder set up.  But Heidi gets in anyways.  Spencer says that he’s under 25 and he doesn’t want to feel caged in.  He wants to be able to do other things, see other girls.  Heidi sez WHAT OTHER GIRLS?!? LIKE STACIE.  Spencer says that Stacie isn’t even his type because she’s a brunette and Spencer is into blondes.    Nice, Spencer.  Heidi again sez they have to go to therapy or else they are totally over.  For real this time.  Not like the other 4 times.

Lauren, Lo, Holly (Heidi’s sister in case y’all forgot) and Audrina are out at a bar and run into Frankie and Brody.  Brody and Frankie talk about their Hawaii trip and Lauren wants to know why they weren’t invited.  Brody says it was a guy trip they’re going to surf, and he asks LC if she surfs.  Of course not, but she does know how to lay out.  Brody says maybe next time, but they need a break from the girls.  Off in the distance…is that…could it be.. it is!  JustinBobby.  Captioned as Audrina’s ex by MTV.  LC sees him and makes a stank face.  She tells Audrina, and she throws something at him.  JB takes this as his cue to come over looking rather homeless, and doing an odd dance.  Audrina gives him a hug and JustinBobby says don’t pat, nobody pats anymore.  And he wants to know if she wants to burp him.  And that’s why we love JustinBobby.  Audrina gets emo and after JustinBobby leaves Brody comes over to console her, and he tells her she’s beautiful and she should go have fun.  Then he turns around and makes out with some other girl.  Lulz.

Stephanie is over at Audrina’s and she’s so excited about the pickles.  Audrina says that usually happens when you’re pregnant.  Stephanie says that’s definitely not happening right now.  Audrina gives her the run down on what happened with JustinBobby, and Stephanie mumbles something.

Off to some other club, and that girl  Brody was making out with is identified as Jayde.  And she grabs Brody’s junk.  She tells Audrina that its because Brody grabbed her boob first.  Classy!  Brody turns and says hello to Stephanie, who is with some weird guy and Audrina.  Just at that exact moment, which I’m sure is not a coincidence Brody calls Spencer to invite him to Hawaii with the boys.  Spencer looks at Heidi and says that he’s in Las Vegas.  Heidi wants to know why he lied and Spencer said it was easier than trying to yell over the bar noise to tell Brody why he can’t.  Heidi says that if he wanted to go hang out with Brody and his boys, he should go.  Spencer sez he’ll just discuss it with the therapist, and Heidi can’t wait to do the same.

So the weird guy isn’t with Stephanie, his name is Sleazy T and he’s Brody’s friend.  I think Sleazy T is my new favorite name.  Brody decides to call JustinBobby over at that time.  Audrina is talking to Sleazy T about JustinBobby, while JB talks to Brody about Audrina.  They’re both still not seeing eye to eye.  JustinBobby comes over and mumbles some odd things about how long life is.  Audrina says that she wants to feel special and JustinBobby doesn’t do that.  They bicker and Audrina says she loves someone who doesn’t love her back.  Brody and Jayde, look on awkwardly, and Stephanie tells Audrina to quit talking to him.  JustinBobby walks off laughing to himself.

Back to People’s Revolution and the phone is ringing and Lauren looks at Steph and asks her to answer the phone.  Stephanie picks up and says People’s Revolution and then hangs up.  She was trying to transfer them.  I’ve been there Steph.  The phone rings and Lauren picks it up and transfers it appropriately.  Lauren asks her about checking in some clothing, and Stephanie says she did it in excel, but Lauren needed it in something else.  Stephanie isn’t even sure if she checked in clothing yesterday.  Lauren tells Stephanie when she’s at work she needs to start focusing.  Stephanie is doodling while LC says this and Lauren asks her to stop.  Steph says she’s not good with confrontation.  Hmm.  Why work for Kelly then?  Lauren says she’s not confronting her, but she needs her to pay attention and do her work.  Lauren points out that if Kelly was having this conversation she’d be fired.

Off to see the therapist and her name is Dr. Mansbacher.  Dr. Mansbacher asks what’s going on, and Heidi gives this really long run down of the Stacie drama.  She says that she thinks Spencer is having an emotional affair.  Spencer says that he trusts her but she doesn’t trust him.  Dr. Manbacher says that it sounds very high schoolish to her.  Boom, roasted by Dr. Manbacher.  She asks them to face each other, and wants Spencer to look into Heidi’s eyes and say something he feels.  He looks deep into her eyes and says he’s in a living nightmare.  Lol @ Spencer.  He says he said what he was feeling.  Heidi flips and says that he’s not even trying and he’s checked out and is in some stripper land.  Dr. Manbacher asks Heidi why she’s with someone that’s checked out.  Double boom roasted.

Lo, Lauren and Audrina go to eat and they talk about the guys trip.  LC thinks its because Brody has been spending all his time with Jayde and wants to chill with the bros,  y’all.  Lo thinks that makes sense, and if they invited his girl friends, then his girlfriend would come.  Lauren says its funny how Brody is a ball of love around her.  Audrina jumps in and spouts off all this stuff about how Brody is cute and looking into his eyes is like getting lost or something.  Audrina says she’s done being serious and just wants to have fun. Lauren’s eyes gets really big.  I think she knows, Audrina is into Brody.   Lo says that they should go on their on vacation in Hawaii.  The girls all agree, Audrina says, it will be a no drama trip.  LC says those are famous last words.  Foreshadowing y’all!

His Asleep in the Bread Aisle is in stores now.

Also: From The Real, it’s “Pushing Buddens.”

Instead, Asher Roth rapping about Eminem. It’s called “As I Em.”

Congratulations to everyone on DeadOn’s millionth hit, but, especially, to the people here who aren’t me, because they’ve definitely done one hell of a lot more than I have.

So, uh, here’s one of the most underrated songs of the 90s in celebration.

JB*:

What the hell – Quentin Tarantino opens Idol and no one bleeds?  This is not going to be a good night.  Well, except for seeing Carly in the opening credits still.  After making a big deal about running over last week, these guys are still blathering through a bunch of crap.  It takes seven of the sixty minutes, but finally it is performance time.  Also, I suck at picking songs.  But you knew that already.

Allison Iraheta – “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”, Aerosmith in Armageddon
For the second week in a row, this seems like a real good choice for her voice.  She starts out a little too breath-y, taking away from the performance, but by the chorus, she is full power and has the crowd eating from her SIXTEEN! YEAR! OLD! hand.  I have no idea what Paula means by Allison and Adam both having special sauces.  Simon should remember, though, slobbering all over her is probably illegal.

Anoooooooooooooooooooooooop! – “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”, Bryan Adams in Robin Hood
I flinched at the first note – God, I got so sick of this song when the movie was out.  It still affects me.  What the hell is wearing, though – leather sleeves on a suit jacket?  Shame, NoopDawg.  He performed well, but his chorus lacked punch.  I bet Paula’s panties (and those of the Delta house at UNC) are sopping wet from the Tender Touch of the Soulful Sounds of Anoop. 

Adam Lambert – “Born to Be Wild”, Steppenwolf in Easy Rider  
He told Tarantino he was going to electrify it, and he did something all right.  Prancing and jazz handing across the stage, he seemed like a slightly bicurious version stepchild of Zac Efron and Frank N. Furter.  Too much shrieking too, but that doesn’t stop Paula from giving him a verbal tongue bath, before Simon also makes a Rocky Horror Picture Show reference.

TimberLite – “Have You Ever Really, Really Really, Really, Ever Really Ever Really Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams in Don Juan De Marco
Two Bryan Adams performances?  Is this Canadian Idol?  And if so, where is Our Lady Peace?  C’mon!  Another song which got overplayed and makes me think of high school prom, though I cannot recall my date’s name – just that she hated the song.  JAUNTY HAT!!!!!! Darn, only in practice.  For our live performance, he is behind the piano again.  This was probably my favorite TimberLite performance – it was solid, until he tried to jazz-rock it up in the final third and dropped in a high pitch note for no reason.  Randy was not a fan, and Kara is on the fence.  

Danny Gokey – “Endless Love”, Lionel Richie in Endless Love
Is he wearing a lilac jacket?  Ahhh – Danny gives us the Stool Treatment, without the normal extra $50 charge the Germans will charge you.  His performance is like a bigger voiced version of Michael McDonald performs Lionel Richie, but all I can think of is his microphone looks way to dainty.  As Paula spouts on, Simon looked nauseous. 

Also – too many jelly beans make for an Ill JB*.  I am also disappointed Ford never had Scott driving one of their cars in the Ford Music Video – I would have bought a Focus had they had the guts to do so.  Maybe.

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly”, Glenn Hashard/Marketa Irglova in Once
A great performance, but the pacing of the song and the likely unfamiliarty for most of the audience may hurt him with the voting public.  Randy found it pitchy and Kara agreed with me, so maybe I am not a total idiot.

Lil Rounds – “The Rose”, Bette Midler in The Rose
Pimp Spot!  She looked visibly uncomfortable, and hit a nasty pitch problem as she went to make the song bigger about a minute in.  She never got to a BIG vocal, and closed out really rough – and looks like she knows it.  And she started to talk back at Simon, but my DVR turned off.

Round Up
Bottom three – Lil Rounds, TimberLite, and Kris Allen.  I don’t think YouthPastor deserves it, but the voting may play out that way.  I’d put Adam Lambert in the bottom myself.  Lil Rounds bites it but they do NOT use the save – remember, it has to be unanimous, and Simon was pretty harsh last night.

Matt_T:

What a terrible week.  I didn’t realize Idol goes the Movies meant cheesy ballads.  There’s many fantastic movie songs, but most of the Idol wannabes went with cheese  I can’t even say I’m disappointed, because that’s what I expected. 

Allison – She did go the cheesy ballad route, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  Really weak beginning but she sounded good towards the middle and end.  She probably has the most potential out of any of the contestants.

Anoop – Come on.  There’s no excuse for this.  I expect more from the Anoop Dogg.  I know he wants to be an R & B singer, but Bryan Adams is not that.  

Adam – Typical Adam performance.  Overly camp version of a good song.  In such a crappy night, this was decent because he actually brought some entertainment value other than just standing there over emoting. 

Timberlite – Boo for more Bryan Adams.  Still I agree with JB, this was one of his best performances.  He’s in trouble though, he doesn’t stand out, and the fauxtimberlake will only take him so far.  I’d like to see hiim do an upbeat song

Danny – Of course.  Sappy, weepy song.  I’m completely bored with Danny.  Nothing wrong with the performance, but it was snoozy.

Kris – I’m embarassed to say I don’t know this song.  But it worked for Kris, you could tell he liked the song a lot and that came through in his performance.  He’ll be in trouble though, because he chose a song that a lot of people (including the judges) didn’t know. 

Lil – Ugh.  I competely agree with Simon.  Lil doesn’t get it.  At all.  This is one of the lamest songs ever written.  It needed Nappy Dynamite behind her doing the hand motions.  She’s done Celine and now Bette Midler.  That doesn’t fly.  I’m sick of her ego too.  Time for her to go.

Bottom 3:  I wish it could be everyone, but Kris, Anoop and Lil and I agree with JB, Lil is gone and they don’t save her.  She hasn’t saved herself.

DougOLis:

Allison – Her smokiness does the song well and it was a nice choice for her but it lacked some bit of power. Her voice was a little flat and she couldn’t hit Steven Tyler’s high notes (which is ironic since she’s a girl) but it wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t great.

Anoop – Had a few rough flat notes in there. I didn’t hate it but it was pretty boring. Simon looked pissed for some reason.

Adam – So rock opera eh? It would be fine as a showtune but that’s about all I’ll give it. His “born to be wild” chants kind of sucked. I didn’t particularly care for it but it was probably the best so far.

Matt – This is a pretty boring and cheezy song but it was alright. I don’t think it was a total trainwreck and there were spots I liked but it left me feeling pretty “meh” and confused.

Danny – He looks better without glasses. This is a really mopey night. His voice was probably the best on the night but I couldn’t wait for it to end.

Kris – Best song choice on the night. Why didn’t he play the guitar? Could he not learn it in a week? It’s not that hard of a song to play. Oh well, he was by far the best on the night. His voice suited the song very well and it was great. Randy’s an idiot and what is Kara talking about it being obscure? Pfftt, just cause you didn’t write it and it came out within the last couple of years. He did a pretty straight version of the song which is fine by me but if the judges would have known the song they would have said, “he didn’t make it his own.” But I’m glad he didn’t stray too far from the original though.

Lil – So damn pitchy. This is terrible. It got better as the song went on but it was not good at all and ended horribly.

Bottom 3 – Anoop, Matt, and Lil with Lil to go

Jerkwheat:

I really don’t know what to make of last night – the bad far outweighed the good, and there really wasn’t that much good to begin with. Just a big old pile of meh. Which we’ve all come to expect from this, the least compelling season of all.

Allison – This seemed like a really good idea when it was announced and I think we all kicked ourselves for not considering one of the biggest movie songs ever. THANKS DIANE WARREN! But, ultimately, it wasn’t much at all. I don’t know if it was her inability to hit it high or if the band was just flat, but it was just kinda there. No reason for her to be gone, nothing compelling either.

Anoop – We sang this in my 6th grade chorus class. That’s my lasting memory of this song. Anoop did a passable rendition, again it was nothing memorable. Perhaps its the source material. This adds fuel to my thought of Anoop’s time potentially being up tonight.

Adam – I know the dude likes to show off his “range” and all, but if he could provide just one up-tempo performance that didn’t involve screaming banshee high notes, I’d be mighty appreciative of it.

Timberlite – The lack of Performance Jaunty Hat was greatly disappointing. I expect more out of K-Zoo at this point. His Practice Jaunty Hat even matched his shirt! COME ON! Another blah Bryan Adams ballad that I had forgotten even existed. So many great movie songs out there and Bryan Adams gets picked twice? I’m Bottom 3-ing him just for that.

Danny – Friends listen to “Endless Love” in the dark.

Kris – As was established by both the Colonel and myself last night, this song turns many of us into raging pussies. By far the best song choice of the evening, even if the execution wasn’t 100%. I will acknowledge that “Falling Slowly” wasn’t exactly mainstream popular, but it did win an Oscar and was an iTunes stud for a long time – it’s hardly “obscure”. Obscure would have been if Kris had stood there and done an Explosions In The Sky track from “Friday Night Lights”. Of course, there wouldn’t have been any singing. But it would have fucking ruled. And taken 10 minutes.

Lil – This was, uh, not very good. Again. Lil had us all fooled and after her (justified, in my opinion) tirade against the judges, I no longer am certain they’ll save her if she’s voted off tonight. Although the prospect of having only one female left for the top 6 makes me think she might still get a reprieve.

Bottom 3 – Anoop, Matt, Lil. I think Lil goes and I’m 62.4% certain she gets the save to create uber-drama for the unveiling of the Top 5 after next week. TWO PEOPLE GO HOME, OH MY!

WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT?

Lil and Matt seem to be our favorites for the Bottom Two with the opinion of, well, pretty much everyone sans DialIdol being that Lil is heading home tonight. I still think she might get the save just to keep more than one female on the show heading into the last month. 

IS THIS THE END OF MEMPHIS WHUT WHUT?!?

The Following Takes Place Between 1:00 A.M. and 2:00 A.M.

1. Tony sees a fuel tanker start filling up at some pump station and he gets word from Jack and Renee that the airstrike was called off. He wants to know why because his intel was good, and then he notices that the tanker is filling up a fuel tank with “RP7″ which is only used for surface-to-surface missiles.
2. National Security Advisor guy Tim tells the President that the Joint Chiefs are questioning her withdrawal of the attack. He wants to know why there won’t be any military action. She says that Jon Voight is coming to meet her soon and she says to keep it on the down low.
3. Jack calls out her bluff on the reason for stopping the attack and she admits that Voight has 13 missiles armed with the bioweapon. Jack says that she must not negotiate with Voight because Tony can blow up the tanks and take out the bioweapons at the same time. She doesn’t authorize Tony moving in but she gives Jack a wink and nudge to go at it covertly by asking how long he has to live and trusting that he’ll do what’s right. Jack shows signs of the toxin acting up again and Renee seems to notice.
4. Jon Voight thanks Slater for his dedication and putting himself in harm’s way. He reacts kind of strangely and I sort of wonder if he tricked Tony or it just worked out that way. This guy is still pretty shady.
5. Renee tells Moss that they’re going to go at Starkwood rogue and he surprisingly complies. He’s looking forward to getting them back for drawing on his team.
6. Jack tells Tony that he has a covert go ahead and tells him to do it undetected or Voight will launch the missiles.
7. One of the fuelmen calls into the doctor that the fueling is complete. Tony takes the 2^nd fuelman hostage and threatens the 1^st guy. He knocks out the 2^nd guy and has the 1^st guy lead him down into the bunker.
8. Voight and Slater meet with the President. He seems to have his feelings hurt by her not including him in security discussions because he used to meet regularly with President Daniels. He says he’s only interested in protecting the country and she says all he’s done today is kill innocent Americans. He says he had nothing to do with Juma and would have stopped him if he knew. He says the country isn’t safe and look how easy it was to sneak bioweapons in. Ha! This guy is an evil genius. He wants to be deeply involved in national security and wants to make Starkwood the 5^th branch of the military. Why? I can’t imagine they’d be better off financially public rather than private.
9. The President says he’s trying to blackmail her and he responds with, “well, that’s putting it in the worst possible light.” Best retort of the night (season?). They have a staredown as he wants her to pick up his plan and put today’s actions behind them.
10. Tony lays the C4 and they exit the bunker. Tony gets jumped by the other guy he previously knocked out and he drops the detonator down a grate. The 1^st guy enters in a code to alert of the breach and the doctor starts the launch sequence. The scientist who’s supposed to do the launching won’t do it and the doctor throws him out of the way and enters the launch codes. Tony gets to the detonator as the missiles are about to launch and he sets it off. Tony dives out of the way as it blows up around him and his fate is unknown. Moss’ team moves in.
11. The President is looking at Voight’s proposal and he wants higher clearance than the Vice-President. Tim comes in and tells him she needs to speak with him immediately.
12. He tells her that someone blew up the Starkwood compound and it is unlikely that anything survived. She arrests Voight and he tries to attack her and says that he was just trying to protect his country and he’s only a small cog. There’s much more to it than just him. This is getting quite Lostish.
13. Renee tells Jack that all traces of the bioweapon were incinerated in the explosion. They still have no word on Tony.
14. Jack takes a call from the President and she says that Voight has been taken into custody and she thanks him for his service. He says it was all Tony and to please take his actions into account. Jack starts blacking out and gets disoriented about where he is and what’s going on.
15. Moss has Tony in custody and he’s doing fine. He calls into Renee and updates her on everything. And oh boy, Kim’s at FBI. Tony seems confused as to this revelation. Moss thanks Tony for all he’s done and doesn’t like arresting him. Tony said he’s ready to pay for his actions.
16. Jack meets with his doctor and she says it’s setting in faster than expected and there’s not much they can do. He seems resigned to his fate.
17. Renee finds Jack and tells him that Kim came in to help and he’s pissed. He says he’s done and he didn’t want her dragged in to the middle of it. She says Kim’s been trying to see him all day and she flew in for his Senate Hearing.
18. And it’s Sean Avery’s sloppy seconds. She says she’s been trying to track him down for a long time and he says he thought he was protecting her by keeping her away. “Daddy I’ve missed you so much.” Awwww. They each apologize for the mistakes they’ve made. Like the cougar?
19. He doesn’t want her to help with the experimental procedure because there’s a risk to her as well and he doesn’t want her to watch him die. His reactions start acting up again and he makes her leave. They say their goodbyes and Jack starts breaking down in tears.
20. An FBI agent gets in his SUV, calls in that his area is clear, and then is promptly shot by a Starkwood operative.  Another FBI agent takes him into custody and realizes that the operative was trying to smuggle out a canister of the bioweapon. He calls it into Moss and then the operative breaks free and shoots him. The operative takes off in the SUV as Moss gets ready to follow in the helicopter with Tony.
21. Janeane Garofolo locates the vehicle on GPS and Renee reroutes Moss and all Swat teams to his location.
22. Moss’ helicopter locates the Starkwood operative and the operative pulls to the side of the road. Moss has the helicopter land and the operative shoots out the pilot. Moss and Tony make a run for it and return fire but Moss takes a shotgun blast to his bulletproof vest.
23. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Tony was playing them all along and suffocates Moss. I am seriously fucking stunned. Did not see that coming. Nooo! I didn’t want Tony to be bad and don’t kill Moss!
24. Tony checks out the canister and tells his friend to take off and hide. He’s going to take care of the FBI and find him a way out.

Was this one of the most intense episodes of 24 ever? What the hell is Tony doing? Is he working for someone? Is Slater somehow involved? That guy is still pretty sketchy. Is Jack going to live? (previews seem to indicate he’ll be fine) Will Kim help? Is Moss dead? How will Renee respond? Does Tony have anyone else on the inside? Janeane Garofolo? Where are: the First Gentleman, the Vice-President, Chloe & Morris, Sean, Ethan, and the President’s daughter? Who was Jon Voight referring to as being above him? Former President Daniels? Was I right about Jack’s father?

 Click Here
 
Click on that at 8p (or a little earlier) and enjoy the craptasticality of it all. In the meantime, hit the jump for a little ill-informed opinon and speculation…

JB*

Idol goes to the movies!  OMGHANNATANA!!!! She’s so Miley!

Wednesday night will be painful, when Miley Cyrus performs from her new movie/song.  This strikes me as extremely weird, since Disney released the movie and Fox airs Idol, so we may have a spoiler alert as to the next major merger.

The theme of “Idol at the Movies” is so wide-ranging that I am using the AFI Top 100 Songs as a guideline (located athttp://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/songs.aspx).  It is a couple years old, but so is everything this group has been performing.  Since I doubt anyone will do “Springtime for Hitler” (#80), here are my choices - 

Kris Allen
He seems like he would be perfectly tuned for doing “Mrs. Robinson” from The Graduate, though that may conflict with YouthPreacher.  I’d also give $10 to see him do “Fight the Power” from Do The Right Thing.

Anoooooooop
It would amuse me to no end to see him perform “Puttin’ on the Ritz”, though that won’t happen.  So how about “Old Time Rock and Roll” from Risky Business?

Danny Gokey
The Bruce Springsteen modern classic, “Streets of Philadelphia” would be a solid choice for him, but I have a feeling we’re due for “Footloose” – especially if Zac Effron is starring in the remake.  Seems appropriate for some reason.

Allison Iraheta
She doesn’t really mesh well with the song choices from this list, but could do well with something from Chicago or Cabaret.  Or, far more likely, “Born to Be Wild” from Easy Rider.

Adam Lambert
Using his cycle, we should be due for an “up-tempo” week for EmoVamp.  I’d like to see him do “Fame”, but could see “Jailhouse Rock” (though I don’t know if Idol has rights for Elvis)  

Lil Rounds
Go for the home run and knock Katherine McPhee from her floor-sitting, barefooted perch – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, or the Dirty Dancing theme.

TimberLite
satrday Night Fever, “Stayin’ Alive”, in the Wyclef vein.  In a jaunty hat, no less.

So – those are my picks, with absolutely no real basis behind them, since this theme is so freakin’ vague.  It will end up being “any song, ever performed in a movie, even if on the radio.”

This Week’s Fearless Predictions:
For the bottom three, line up, Anooooop, Timberlite, and Allison!  TimberLite, don’t plan on finding out next week’s theme.

Matt_T:

I really don’t understand the theme this week.  Idol at the movies.  Does that mean any song that’s been featured in a movie, ever?  Or does it have to be explicitly from a soundtrack?  And why is Tarrantino a judge?  I know he’s been on before, and he uses good music in his films, but come on. 

The theme is too vague for me to even attempt a guess at what any one of them will sing, but if Lil does “I Will Always Love You” or “My Heart Will Go On” she should be removed from the competition midsong.

Bottom 3 this week:  Anoop, Lil and Timberlite.  

DougOLis:

@Matt: no idea at all. I guess they went with Tarantino because he’s a badass and a big fan of the show? Does he have a movie coming out soon?

The Producers have been stretching the limits of each week’s selections and this one is ridiculously wide open so I have no idea what’s going to happen. My quick thoughts:

Lil – Is this the week she finally gives in to the judges’ pigeonholing and does “I Will Always Love  You” (The Bodyguard)? Something from Dreamgirls seems kind of obvious too.

Allison – Maybe something from one of the trifecta of 80s dance movies: “What A Feeling” (Flashdance), “Time Of My Life” (Dirty Dancing), or “Foot Loose” (Foot Loose).

Danny – Probably a song from one of the Rat Pack guys. There’s so many great options that I really have no idea what to suggest.

Matt – His fascination with the Disney movies is Lopez brothersesque so I’ll go with something from one of those. Maybe “Circle of Life” from Lion King?

Adam – Will he do “Mad World” (Donnie Darko) again? He could go with the song that changed Natalie Portman’s life in Garden State (“New Slang”).  Actually, I think it’d be interesting to hear him do one of Sigur Ros’ songs that have been used at the end of movies:”Njósnavélin” (from Vanilla Sky http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFI6TOisK7E) or ” Starálfur” (from The Life Aquatichttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPMf8G8Pi5o). I doubt he’ll decide to learn Icelandic/Hopelandic in one week though so I’m going to go with a Judy Garland song (via Rufus Wainwright). He could do one of those Allison songs too. I really have no idea.

Anoop – For the 2nd time in 3 weeks I’m going with “Jai Ho.” And being kind of serious this time around. It’s either that or a Rat Packer.

Kris – Agree with JB. “Sound of Silence” or “Mrs. Robinson” from The Graduate seem extremely likely.

Bottom 3 – Anoop, Matt, and Lil with Anoop to go

Jerkwheat:

Tarantino was a guest judge before, a few seasons back. He was pretty sharp. I have no idea what the restrictions will be (although I love Maura’s idea that it should be restricted to songs from Tarantino movies) so I guess it’s just gonna be songs made famous from movies. Which leads to the following things that need to happen:

“I Am Telling You” is absolutely going to happen. A former Idol contestant brought it back to the spotlight and by virtue of its re-emergence in pop culture being within the past five years, its “current” enough to please the judges. They will then chastise the singer for taking on a classic, blah blah contradictory bullpuckey.

“Time Of My Life” needs to happen, but it lends itself better to a group sing.

One of the acoustic guitar strumming dudes needs to break out “Falling Slowly”. The song won a freaking Oscar, people. RECENTLY. The gals will swoon I tells ya. SWOON.

Anoop needs to fulfill Doug’s wishes and bust out “Jai Ho”. I think even the Noop Dog himself realizes his time is running short, might as well have some fun with it, right?

“Mrs. Robinson” seems inevitable as well.

A Disney song may or may not happen, but I’m looking towards Alison to ballad it up if one is on the table. Scratch that – Adam is gonna sing “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” and keep winking at middle America.

My fingers will remain crossed for good-times, cheesy 80s movie songs from Kenny Loggins. If any of you sing “Highway To The Danger Zone” or “I’m Alright” – I promise to vote for you 10 times. MINIMUM.

Bottom Three – Anoop, Lil, Timberlite (we are all in agreement!) and whichever of these three goes gets saved on Wednesday night.They gotta use the gimmick at some point.

DougOLis: (AGAIN!)

An all Tarantino music episode would be great. He has awesome taste in music and he’s used a pretty wide array of songs but I kind of doubt the producers would go with something so narrow.

Is “I Am Telling You” the song that Jennifer Hudson did in Dreamgirls? (Yes, Yes It Is)

Can’t believe I forgot about “Falling Slowly!” That one does seem kind of likely given its recent Oscar win. Who would do it though? Kris?

I could see Allison doing “Time of My Life” since ABBA is one of her favorite bands. Or Adam since, well, you know.

“Danger Zone” would be fantastic. Want. Will vote.

In Conclusion…

We pretty much all agree on the bottom three.  Or are we finally at a bottom two? Either way I’m convinced this is the week they finally use the save button. So, it won’t be. We’re never right. You knew that already, though. It’s why you love us.

Lauren goes into ‘work’ to see Kelly Cutrone.  Hey last time we saw her, she was not so subtly telling Whitney’s friend Allie she was too skinny.  But it seems like this was filmed before that, since Kelly is trying to figure out what to do now that Whitney is gone.  She also compliments Lauren on her outfit, and then asks if its one of their client’s.  Lauren sheepishly admits its not.  Bad move LC.  I guess its not one of Lauren’s pieces from her line either since that got shut down.  The economy’s bad y’all.  Kelly wants to hire an intern, and asks LC if she knows anyone.  LC says she has a few friends who would love to work there.  Kelly warns her to be careful who she recommends.

Lauren and Steph go to eat, and Lauren says she’s starving.  Steph says there’s so much pressure to stay in shape in LA.  LC says that’s what baggy shirts are for, and Steph says dresses work too.  I guess plastic surgery too, right Steph?  Don’t think we didn’t notice you changed your appearance from last season.  Lauren tells Steph about the internship and Stephanie is ready to leave her current internship for this one.  Lauren says that she can get an interview for her.  I think this is exactly what Kelly was warning her about.

Back to Speidi’s place, and Spencer comes home and Heidi is actually home.  Spencer wants to know what Darlene had to say.  Heidi sez Darlene sez they shouldn’t be fighting like they are.  Spencer calls her a hypocrite and says that he knows about her secret date with Colby.  Heidi explains what really happened and that it wasn’t a date by any means.  Spencer wants to know what she would think if the roles were reversed.  Heidi sez that having shots with a bartender is different than eating with her family.  Hey Heidi, bartenders are supposed to get you drunk.  That’s their job.  Spencer tells her that taking shots isn’t the same as kissing someone.  That’s true, but sometimes you gotta take some shots to kiss someone.  Liquid courage, as they say.  They bicker some more and Spencer says it was nice not to have any fighting while she wasn’t there.  She asks if he saw the bartender again and Spencer acts incredulous that she even asks, and then lies and says no he hasn’t.  She tells him she doesn’t know what to say to him and doesn’t even want to talk to him.  We’ve heard all this before.

Back to People’s Revolution and Steph is there for her interview, and she’s nervous.  She stayed up fixing her resume!  LC calls up to Kelly to let her know Steph is there.  Kelly lets her know that she seems nervous.  Stephanie says that she hasn’t been to an interview in forever.  Kelly says that she usually doesn’t read resumes but since Stephanie brought hers she’ll read it.  Stephanie starts blabbing about how her goal is to design a handbag.  And People’s Revolution will help with that.  Kelly jumps on that and asks Steph if she’s planning on just using People’s Revolution and her contacts to start her own line.  Stephanie backtracks and says that’s a long term goal, like 10 years.  Kelly says that she should be able to move quicker than that.   But Kelly isn’t really interested in her long term goals, she’s running a business and wants to know how Steph can help with that.  Steph says she’s familiar with People’s Revolution from FITM or whatever that fashion school is that she and Lauren ‘go’ too.  Kelly wants to know if Stephanie can use computers and if she can make a label.  Stephanie is very shaky and appears confused.  Kelly asks her a question in French and Stephanie responds, but then blanks when Kelly speaks more French.  Kelly tells her the main rule in her office is no crying.  Stephanie says that is perfect, she wants to work in a place that has a backbone.  Kelly isn’t sure if she’s ready, and her resume sucks.  Ouch.

Spencer and Charlie are headed out on the town.  He’s ready to get crazy.  Spencer is going to the place that Stacie and her ‘posse’ go to when they aren’t working.  They have some awkward awful white guy trying to sound hip conversation.  They are going to roll out or something.

Meanwhile, Stephanie and Heidi are out for sushi and Stephanie gives her the run down on the interview.  Heidi says that Spencer has this secret life now, and he’s all wrapped up with Charlie, he’s some club guy.  Stephanie decides they should go out clubbing too.  Basically to spy on Spencer.  And as usual Stephanie is stirring up the drama.  Or the writers are telling her too.  Yeah I think its the writers, because she somehow knows where Spencer will be.

Back to the club and Spencer and Charlie are with Stacie and some of her friends.  They take some shots.  OH NO MORE SHOTS.  They toast to Heidi.  Oh and what do you know, Steph and Heidi walk in, and immediately start looking for Spencer.  What a coincidence.  Spencer sees Heidi and he says he must have a GPS tracker on his car.  Heidi comes up and starts yelling at him.  He wants to know if Stacie and Spencer are dating now and if they are TAKING MORE SHOTS.  Charlie tries to get in the middle and Heidi and Stephanie start yelling at Charlie.  Then Stephanie calls Stacie a slut.  It degrades into calling each other dogs or something stupid.  Heidi tells Spencer not to call her anymore and he’s kicked out, and then she storms off.

Next day and Heidi is at Stephanie’s place.  They recap the night and Steph is so proud of calling Stacie a homewrecker.  Steph says that love is strange and it takes a lot of work.  Heidi says no, she’s done with him.  Stephanie says they need professional help, like a therapist or something and everyone in LA has one, so its not that weird.  Heidi isn’t sure if she even wants to try that, she’s given him a lot of chances.

At People’s Revolution, Kelly pulls Lauren aside to talk to Stephanie, and she shows LC the resume and her objective is ‘handbag designer’  LC says that she thinks Steph can do the job.  Kelly says this might be a first, but she’s scared.  She thinks the interview was so crazy that Steph might just be nuts to do the job.  What a surprise, another fake job for someone on the Hills.  Kelly says that LC will be the one to watch over her and if she screws up, she’ll be the one to fire her.

Heidi goes to meet Spencer, and he says that Heidi didn’t come home last night and she’s surprised that he even noticed.  She asks if he came home and he says no.  But how would he know she didn’t come home?  Spencer doesn’t want to do therapy, he says that he’s not taking advice from her sister who is screwed up.  They bicker over the Stacie thing, and Heidi goes off.  She gives him the ultimatium.  Therapy or he has to leave.  She gets up to leave while Spencer does his sad face.

Some time this week. In the meantime, “Trade in Full.”

“And still my talent has yet to be challenged.”

“I come to the defense like Champ Bailey, I’m gone with it.”