Browsing the tubes last night, I came across an ad for Virgin Mobile’s Promiscuous Text service (http://letshavetxt.com).

And hey, with the rising price of escorts (I blame oil prices, the mortgage crisis and a single John Stamos), and my paranoia that the Tamil Tigers are monitoring my house phone (don’t ask, but it means I can’t dial 900 numbers anymore), I am limited in the number of ways to exercise my God-given right to get my freak on with total strangers.

Thank God then, friends, because the final fronteir is here: clumsy phone sex through T9.

Now, I have no idea if Virgin’s network is truly more efficient at carrying saucy text messages than the other guys’, but whatever. They seem to think it’s a high enough differentiator for their service to the point that they’ve put up a site to allow you to carry on a txt conversation with one of seven fantasy personas, I guess as if you were on the Virgin Network (except without the video…and sound…and keyboard…)

Of course, being a live sex phone operator is probably a pretty crappy job (having *so* many orgasms all day, it must be exhausting and so very, very dehydrating). So, I naturally assumed that there wasn’t an actual person on the other end of the chat, but a sexxxed-up computer ready to do Richard Branson’s bidding.

Did I txt a human? A computer? And most importantly: was it a boy computer or a girl computer? Could s/he *feel* my absolute sexitude bound by 162-character-max messages?

So come on in and decide for yourself as you watch the actual txt conversation I had last night as I gave THE SECRETARY the big O, like, 15 times after the jump…

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