As the summer movie season rolls along, we here at DeadOn are committed to giving our readers critical, well-thought analysis (well, it’s analysis at least) because we don’t want you to waste your hard-earned money on bad movies, long lines and spending time with inordinate amounts of teenagers. That and we can’t get enough of seeing our own words in the blogosphere. We are bound and determined to be the eyes and ears for our readers…. Well, at least the eyes and ears for the 85 other writers on this website, who account for most of our readers.

The big movie this week is the latest installment of the Ocean’s… series, Ocean’s Thirteen starring a shit-ton of people who you probably have seen before. So, without further ado….

DeadOn’s review of Ocean’s Thirteen.

The Fan’s Attic

Ocean’s 13 was better than Ocean’s 12, which isn’t saying much, but I was entertained nonetheless.  Except for Ellen Barkin’s boobs.  Those two masses of silicone were quite beastly and unnatural.  I have a suspicion that Cameron Diaz will look like Barkin in 20 years.

If The Fan’s Attic can’t appreciate a cougar, I don’t know if we can be friends.

Lady Andrea

Ocean’s 13 was not as good as 11, but I actually found it much, much more enjoyable than 12.  It had a great 60s Vegas throwback vibe going on, with retro neon graphics and whatnot.  It also had some very funny moments and an interesting plot.

Things I loved:
–the interaction between Clooney, Pitt and Damon is fantastic, in all the movies.  I feel like in real life they must be good friends and it makes me want to hang out with them.  They seem like fun.

–the ongoing plot in Mexico with Virgil and Turk is so weird and random, but completely hilarious.

–Lenny Pepperidge and his fake nose

Things I disliked (but not really):
 
–It was confusing in parts.  But I think some of the confusing stuff is there for you to understand after you’ve seen the whole thing play out, so I can’t wait to see it again.

Thing that scared me:
–Ellen Barkin.  Seriously, 18 years ago Barkin and Pacino were lovers in Sea of Love.  Now in Ocean’s 13, he looks like her grandpa.  Stop getting work done, Barkin!  You’re scaring people!

What does everybody think?  Is there something more to Lady Andrea’s desire to hang out with Pitt/Clooney/Damon than they seem like fun?  Anyone….

Steve

I just walked in the door from seeing O13, and I agree with the statement that it’s better than O12, but not as good as O11.

As always, I love the Virgil & Turk characters, simply because they remind me of me and my brother when we were kids.

I always like when Super Dave Osborne shows up in anything, so I loved that he was the FBI agent.

For me, the part I loved most about the first one was the huge “ah-ha” moment at the end where they reveal the twist to the story. O12 even had a pretty good one where they revealed they stole the egg the day it showed up, but O13’s was kinda lame in comparison to the other two, and that was my major beef with the movie.

Overall: 6.5/10

Steve has some serious commitment to this blog, the first thing Steve does when he walks in the door is send in his review.  Bravo, good man, bravo.

CDNMoose

Yeah, it was pretty solid– I still love the vibe of these movies…the guys are way too cool for school and it translates pretty well on the screen.

My biggest problem was that there was no real supense at all– even for a movie like this where you know the guys are gonna get away with it; it was still surprisingly “bump free” with very few twists and turns and roadblocks.

Oh, and once again, such a big waste of Bernie Mac. Tsk, tsk…

It’s very much a style-over-substance movie: if you like the style, you’ll like the movie.

I’d give it a 9/13.

I’d have to agree, Bernie Mac was underutilized.

LingerBursitis

Yeah, it was only ok.

Pacing was a bit herky-jerky, as well as the rapid-fire dialogue being a little ridiculous sometimes, but it was decent. There are always a ton of plotholes with these films, but you forgive them because you are expecting it: the experience is always the same [well-dressed thieves act all stylish, play with lots of elaborate toys, gadgets, technology and costumes, pull off big, ridiculous heists, act all stylish], and we’re somehow ok with this.

7 disjointed thoughts out of 10.

So, 5 out of 5 DeadOn reviewers give it a lukewarm thumbs up.  Enjoyable but not great.   Any further thoughts?