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DeadOn March Madness: Midwest Monday, March 12, 2007

Posted by LenBiasCocaineSurplus in basketball, black people, hentai tentacle porn, Len Bias Cocaine Surplus, the balls.
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While most “experts” would have you believe that the fate of the NCAA tourney depends on the skills of the players on the court and the coaches on the sideline and how much money the dean’s pay off the refs to give them the calls I have a different theory.

The NCAA March Madness tourney can be predicted properly simply using the mascot names and the famous alumni and several other factors that will be fed into a computer giving me the proper picks.

Follow me for today’s team previews of the Midwest region

Coolgator

1. Florida Gators

Famous Alumni- Bob Vila, Apprentice Winner Kendra Tod, Mel Tillis, Stephen Root, Buddy Epsen, The baseball player with so much grit and hustle I don’t have to list his name, Rich Fields, Faye Dunaway, Todd Barry,

Mascot’s Ability To Win a Fight- 8/10

Interesting Factoid- Xhosa Language is a class offered

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIqc6M-wHjQ

badgers

2. Wisconsin Badgers

Famous Alumni- Brooks Bollinger? Joan Cusack? Micheal Mann, Joyce Carol Oates, the salesman from the Connan O Brien sketches, Butch Vig,

Mascot’s ability to win a fight- 5/10

Interesting Tidbit- Can be heckled using lines from UHF

Best Youtube Video

Howard the Duck

3. Oregon Ducks

Famous Alumni- Ken Kesey, that QB they had who played classical piano?

Mascot’s fight -1/10

Tidbit- They do not wear color changing basketball uniforms as far as I know

Best Youtube Video

Filbert

4. Maryland Shellbacks

Famous Alumni- Bonnie Bernstein, Len Bias, Connie Chung, Larry David, Giuliana DePandi,

Mascot fighting – 1.5/10

Tidbit- Promotes cocaine use

Best Youtube video

British Bulldog

5. British Butler Bulldogs

Famous Alumni- Peter Lupus.. you know the guy from Muscle Beach Party.

Mascot Fight- 11/10. No one fucks with the British Bulldog.

Tidbit – March 21 is a special seminar about gays and lesbians in the media

Best Youtube video

Jesus

6. Norte Dame Fighting Irish

Famous Alumni- Jesus Christ, George Wendt. Many confuse these two as the same person

Mascot Fighting – Depends on how drunk the Irishman is

Tidbit- Rudy is not listed as a starter for the tourney

Best Youtube video

wayne newton

7. UNLV Running Rebels

Famous Alumni – Suge Knight.

Mascot Fighting – I fear Suge Knight. 125/10

Tidbit- Suge Knight is a scary man

Best Youtube Video

cats

8. Arizona Wildcats

As part of my rebellion against the name Wildcats all team having this name will instead of the following as a preview

boiler

9. Purdue Boilermakers

Famous Alumni- Orville Redenbacher, Neil Armstrong, Drew Brees’ Mole, and the inventor of fiberglass

Mascot Fighting Ability- 3/10. He could throw the boilers he makes I guess. 

Tidbit- Naming your team the Boilermakers is still better than the Wildcats

Best Youtube Video

jacket

10. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Famous Alumni- Jeff Foxworthy has a college degree?

Mascot fighting- Well bees can sting but they tend to die after they do so. I guess that makes it a -2/10

Tidbit- They admitted Jeff Foxworthy

Best Youtube Video

Colbeagle

11. Winthrop Golden Eagles

Famous Alumni- That one guy… and that other guy who knew that first guy

Mascot Fighting- How can you get through the gold plating of a golden eagle? 10/10

Tidbit- The PIKE Fraternity has been placed on probation due to the rape of a girl after high amounts of alcohol were consumed

Best Youtube Video

Monarch

12. Old Dominion Monarchs

Famous Alumni – Justin Verlander, the band Mae

Mascot Fighting – Monarchs have full power over everyone not named Suge Knight. 21/10

Tidbit- Nearly 80 percent of its students are from the state of Virginia

Best Youtube video

cats

13. Davidson WILDCATS

Episode 2

Peanut

14. Miami (OH) Redhawks

Famous Alumni – Bad motorcycle driver, Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband

Mascot Fighting- I’m not sure how much the hawk being red really helps. 7/10

Tidbit – NOT in Florida

Best Youtube video

IzzyNottheIslander

15. Texas A&M Corpus Christi Islanders whose Mascot is Named Izzy

Famous Alumni- That guy from Winthrop came and got his graduate degree here

Mascot Fighting- Islanders are a fairly lame mascot, this coming from the kid whose school’s nickname is the “Trailblazers”. 4/10

Tidbit- Has a long name

Best Youtube Video

Tony the Tiger

16. Jackson State Tigers

Famous Alumni- I hear Walter Payton was a good football player

Mascot Fighting- Better than the actual odds of the team winning

Tidbit- 97% percent of the students are black
Best Youtube Video

My predictions?

Florida, Purdue, Butler, Maryland, Norte Dame, Miami (Of Not Floria), UNLV, Wisc

Second Round: Florida, Butler, Notre Dame, UNLV

Third Round: Florida, UNLV

Finals: UNLV

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Comments»

1. undergroundBTO - Monday, March 12, 2007

Purdue a 3/10? Ridiculous! It’s a train man! That shit runs people (and animals) over!

2. LenBiasCocaineSurplus - Monday, March 12, 2007

Doesn’t run Suge Knight over

3. Suss-- - Monday, March 12, 2007

Spor-ts?

4. steve - Monday, March 12, 2007

You joke… but it’s true. I had a girl win our tourney pool a couple years back simply because she picked the mascots she liked best.

5. ladyandrea - Monday, March 12, 2007

I’m sorry, BTO. But no. A “boilermaker” is not a train. A boilermaker is a trained craftsman who produces steel fabrications from plates and sections. The train is shenanigans. You are the “boilermakers” and you craft things out of metal.

6. Elric VIII Emperor of Melnibone - Monday, March 12, 2007

I thought the boilermaker was the louder, more crass cousin of the sake bomb.

7. ladyandrea - Monday, March 12, 2007

Elric, that boilermaker is the devil’s work. Don’t ever try one, it’s so disgusting.

8. Jerkwheat - Monday, March 12, 2007

Christ! Now I have to have pseudo-witty and unoriginal sports comments on TWO sites?

9. Baba Oje - Monday, March 12, 2007

Trains can only kill shit that is stupid enough to be on the tracks at the exact time the a train is coming.

10. Jerkwheat - Monday, March 12, 2007

Baba,

you’ve obviously never encountered a silent movie villan with a handlebar moustache.

they tie damsels down to railroad tracks all the fucking time.

Dastardly!

11. steve - Monday, March 12, 2007

I went to college for 2 years at Chico State. In those two years, I think there were somewhere around 6 incidents of things/people getting hit by the train as it came through town.

The most amusing of which was somebody in a wheelchair that got stuck trying to go across the tracks. He was pulled out of his chair before the train took the life of the chair. Since the town is basically bisected by the train tracks, when the train stops for these accidents, you cant get across town.

Chico State’s Mascot – Wildcats!

12. steve - Monday, March 12, 2007

oh ya, and it’s a $500 fine to set off a nuclear bomb within the city limits.

13. iluvlamp - Monday, March 12, 2007

Badgers are fucking mean animals. That’s the reason you never hear of Badger attacks. People are smart enough to stay away. Not like those stupid people that get harmed by gators. Gators..pffft

14. stopmikelupica - Monday, March 12, 2007

Alligators are less dangerous than crocodiles, right?

This was brilliant, Len. Well, except for the UNLV will win the bracket thing… that was pretty ridiculous…

15. undergroundbto - Tuesday, March 13, 2007

DAMMIT! I KNOW WHAT A BOILERMAKER IS! We got our name because we imported boilermakers from the local mills to play football for us (yeah, we cheated, so what?). But the official school mascot is The Boilermaker Special (on Number 6, I believe), which is a fookin’ TRAIN!

(Purdue Pete is the ‘athletic mascot’ but not the official school mascot).

16. Lou P. - Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I think Nike is working on color-changing uniforms for Oregon for next year.

17. Laura - Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I can’t believe you didn’t list Regis as an ND alumni. The jokes just write themselves.

18. liz - Tuesday, March 13, 2007

It’s the Maryland Terrapins, not the shellbacks…


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